oh no… it’s almost here.

I can’t remember when the tides turned. It used to be fun. I used to look forward to it. Now, it just fills me with dread and disappointment.

Yeah, that’s right. I’ll be turning 29 again soon…. in 9 days… on the 11th.

What? You want to get me a gift? I will be happy to accept. I wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings. But it’s so hard for me to come up with suggestions. Just send money. Or buy me coffee.

In truth, it is a crappy day for me. I don’t want to age anymore. So while I don’t want it to be a huge celebration, I don’t want it to be (mostly) forgotten or ignored either. But that’s what tends to happen. I usually bake my own cake. Maybe get some take-out so I don’t have to cook. My daughter will make me a card… she always comes through on that. And that will be it. I guess it’s fine… maybe it’ll kind of erase the aging part. Oh please… no it won’t. Sigh.

I will try not to slip in to a depressive state over this, but honestly, no one would even notice as I’m already in that state. I need to get to a different state. Like Hawaii.

Who knows? Maybe it’ll be better this year. I’ll keep you posted.

 

©2018 what sandra thinks

         

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About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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38 Responses to oh no… it’s almost here.

  1. My birthday is the 10th, and I feel exactly the same way you do when that date comes around. Last year, my very small group of friends gathered to throw me a little birthday party. I was sincerely touched but the lingering feeling of depression just coincides with that day. It was on the 8th of the month my ex-husband was killed on his job site. Since his death, I have always felt guilty for being the one who lived. (Hard to explain). Tomorrow would have been our 28th anniversary if we had remained together. When I think about it, every birthday since his death has always sucked. I don’t know why I rambling, sorry about that.
    From one Gemini to another, I understand how birthdays aren’t a celebration for some of us out there. I do hope you have a pleasant birthday, and that your year improves. That’s my b’d wish too. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Mel Gutiér says:

    Sandra… you’re not the only one who feels this way. I think we’re all entitled to our feelings. No one can know exactly how you feel and what you must go through. We’re all different. But as I mentioned to Beck, we cling to the good times. Thoughts short spurts of laughter and good feels. All we can do is try and move forward.

    I’m with my Mom right now. We’ve laughed an awful lot. It helps tremendously. Laughter is the best medicine. Also… dancing. But I’ve already mentioned that to you. 😉

    Sending you love and hugs lovely! 😍😘

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks… you’re very sweet. ♥ I just wish the overwhelming feelings of sadness would give me a break. I guess I’m supposed to make that happen on my own, but I’m failing. 😦

      The stuff about my cousin doesn’t help either (in my other comment to Beck)… his birthday is this week… and he died this week last year of cancer… he was younger than me…

      I’m just having a hard time with everything right now. It feels like it’s never going to get better.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Tony Burgess says:

    I am getting older but I don’t want to age emotionally or mentally. That is when I would get into trouble. I don’t wanna be someones grouchy old man.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Catherine says:

    Birthdays can be tricky. I had a rotten one last year – only three people remembered. I felt sorry for myself for a few days, then treated myself by getting a tattoo and visiting an art gallery.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Meg says:

    I still haven’t recovered fully from turning 50. Getting old is not for sissies. I think Betty Davis said that. I have to agree. Well, I hope your day is a better than expected day, how about that for a realistic wish? 😃 💖

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Birthdays are kind of hard for me, but as hubby says, the alternative sucks. And he would know — he’s lots older than me, haha. If you want take out, tell your husband that before the day. Guys really need help with this. Same with cards, etc. Tell him flat out he needs to take the kids to buy you something, whatever it is, however small or large. Don’t expect him to know this. You will be disappointed. Take it from someone who’s been there.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I just hate having to ask. Then it’s like he’s just doing an errand for me. ‘Hey, go get me at least a card.’ So he gets me one. Same thing as ‘Hey, pick up some milk on your way home.’ It’s the thought that counts… but not MY thought! LOL

      But yes, I know guys suck at this. Well, most of them. There are exceptions. But I didn’t marry one.

      Maybe I will just tell him what to get for dinner so I don’t have to cook…

      Like

  7. Hunida says:

    My birthday is on the 15th! We’re very close but I am feeling the exact same way as you about aging. Definitely dreading it. Ugh.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. jrvincente says:

    Birthdays are so bittersweet. Bleh.

    Liked by 2 people

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