my cluttered head and fascinating life.

I have four drafts from the last twenty-four hours.

The same thing keeps happening. I try to write about one thing, but it connects to other things—things that make me feel like hell… things that I don’t want to talk about because I have talked them to death… and nothing changes as a result. So I don’t want conversations to go there. But even when I’m alone writing… kind of talking to myself, the ‘conversation‘ goes there. And I can’t figure out how to stop it. If I can’t stop it with myself, how can I stop it with anyone else?

Everything is connected. So if I start talking about something… like how I used to like mornings but now I hate them… it turns into ‘I’m bored out of my mind‘ which turns into ‘I need a job‘… and I don’t want to talk about that. I know there are no new ideas. I don’t want to talk about the same failed ones I’ve already thought of and tried (and I’ve tried everything). It makes me feel so much worse to rehash it over and over again. I know I’m in an impossible situation… I don’t need to place any more emphasis on it.

But everything seems to lead to the bad places… even if I’m not thinking about them at the start. I guess they consume me. I can’t do anything that doesn’t bring me back there.

This has left me with nothing suitable to post.


I do have huge plans tonight, though! [Sarcasm.] The girl is sleeping at a friend’s house. The boy is going to laser tag with his friends. The husband is working late but when he gets home, he’ll have dinner and do nothing. And I’m going to sit around and wait for Hawaii Five-0 to come on… then I’m going to watch it. Maybe I’ll make popcorn.

My life is fascinating.


©2018 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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68 Responses to my cluttered head and fascinating life.

  1. ACountryBoy says:

    popcorn is good

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Donnalee says:

    I read this idea about asking yourself ‘what if…?’ questions as a way of coming up with possibilities that your mind has resisted before. I spend time saying things like ‘what if I were a millionaire?’ and ‘what if the skly was pink all the time?’ and ‘what if I lost all the weight I wanted to?’ and ‘what if those people were my longlost cousins?’ and anything in the world, including not-big-issues: I read fiction and if it says that the man did this, I say ‘what if I did this?’ and ‘what if I were that man?’ or other meaningless, not-personal questions. It apparently helps develop neural pathways in your brain so it actually helps your health and creativity, plus since you are just saying what if, your brain is not likely to say that it’s completely crap as readily as if you were doing affirmations about ‘all is great’ etc. Maybe it’s worth a try–good luck with it all!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Simon says:

    What a great life! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. J-Dub says:

    Mmm popcorn 🍿 is the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. We had pizza just now, but only a couple of small pieces. We have pizza almost every Friday and then, yes, we’ll watch Hawaii 5-0!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Claudette says:

    Blah. I have days like that, I hear you. Add into that my general level of annoyance with everything and everyone and I must be all sunshine and rainbows to those around me. Lol 🙄. Hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hey, you get enjoy it without interruption. That’s good, right? 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Donnalee and Marquessa seem to have perfected a way of kicking their own butts. Maybe worth a try, and, although you started out a little negative (only a little bit – honestly), the comments started to move into a more positive stream. Yea, definitely worth a try!


  9. Mel Gutiér says:

    Life is good. One of my favorite things to do is put on a good dance tune and dance in my pajamas. It makes me feel amazing. I love music and dancing. That also helps me come up with new ideas to write about.

    Hugs! You’re breathing… alive… you seem to have a good handle on thing! Life is good. 😂😘

    Liked by 1 person

  10. jrvincente says:

    How is Hawaii 5-0? I used to watch it, but life got in the way. I’ve thought about going back to it.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Damn……I really am behind. Sometimes our favorite shows save the day and help us to escape from our minds a little. I’m happy you had an hour of escape XO

    Liked by 1 person

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