Stream of Consciousness Saturday.
No editing is allowed… (painful for me… I usually proofread a post 20 times…)
This week, the prompt is ‘save/safe‘…
I know I can be overprotective. Maybe it’s not even just that I can be. Maybe I just am. I worry way too much. (And I know I’ll always worry about my kids no matter how old they are.) But I don’t know if I make the right decisions. Am I justified? Overprotective? Mean? Or am I just keeping them safe?
Yesterday, my daughter (who is 9) was invited to go to an amusement park sort of place for some Halloween fest thing with a friend and her parents. This would be at night. You know, after dark, of course, because of the Halloween thing. And it’s about 45 minutes away.
My husband said no. And I don’t feel good about her going either. Hell, neither of us would feel good about my son going either and he’s 12. But are we being overprotective? Are we being unreasonable?
I feel bad because I’m sure other parents would just let their kid go. I don’t want my kid(s) to be known (or picked on) for not being able to do stuff because their parents are overprotective. Apparently, this is something my son has already been teased about. I’m also concerned that my daughter’s friend will just ask someone else and they’ll go and have lots of fun and my daughter will feel left out… because of her overprotective parents. And then kids will talk… and no one will ever invite her to do anything again because they’ll remember this… they’ll remember how her parents said no.
I want my kids to be ‘normal‘… I want them to be able to do what other kids do. I already feel bad about things we haven’t been able to do… I already feel like my kids miss out. So I want to say yes to things like this. But it concerns me. I worry about her safety. I met the dad once. I’ve talked to the mom a few times but as I suck at making friends, I don’t know her well. But if I only let my kids hang out with kids whose parents I know well, they’d have no friends at all.
• • • • •
My son is a straight A student. He always has been. He rarely even gets an A-. However, this year (and school only started 5 weeks ago), he has gotten a couple of really bad grades in what used to be his best subject. I’ve asked him what’s going on… Did he know the material? (He says yes.) Was he distracted? (He says no.) Is something else entirely bothering him? (He says no.)
So what then? I don’t know. He’s already told me that he’s going to be devastated if he doesn’t make High Honors (it would be the first time ever not making it). But I don’t think he can save his grade. Not enough to get the A. His most recent grade, from a quiz he said was “the easiest thing ever” was significantly better but still a good bit lower than is normal for him… especially considering that he thought it was so easy.
I don’t think there’s something else going on that he’s not telling us because this is the only class where his grade is significantly lower than usual. But I’m sad for him because he’s sad. I want to fix it for him, but obviously, I can’t. I have a theory about this… why it’s happening. Last year, he had one teacher he kind of hated. He did slightly worse in that class than all the others (still an A, though). This year, the class of the bad grades is also the one with the teacher he kind of hates. Obviously, there’s a connection. But it’s much worse now.
• • • • •
It feels like failure… on my part. I don’t know how protective or not protective to be… maybe I’m just always overprotective. And I don’t know how to help my son. I just want them to be happy. And safe. But I feel pretty useless. And it all makes me sad.
©2017 what sandra thinks
what sandra thinks 
I can’t like this because you’re sad. All you can do is your best. You’re obviously a caring and concerned parent. Things will turn out fine, you’ll see.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I really hope so. It just breaks my heart when things seem to be going wrong…
LikeLike
I appreciate your honesty. I was overprotective as a parent. I could have been a little less so, but it’s hard not to be. I probably would have considered taking my daughter to the party and hanging out with the parents, especially if I didn’t know them well. I mean 45 minutes away really is a bit much. I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do, but I did it a couple of times. You could talk with your son’s teacher. If it is a personality clash, maybe he can learn that sometime in life, we have to work with people we don’t like and we just have to focus on the work. God knows I’ve been there. But it’s ultimately up to your son to decide what he’s going to do about it. Best wishes!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks! I agree it’s hard not to be overprotective. I always wish things were more like they were when I was a kid. Life was so much simpler then. I’ve stayed at parties with my kids before… when they were younger, mostly. But this whole 45-minutes-away thing… it’s just one friend inviting my daughter. There’s no party… it would be weird if I came along. And I agree that my son needs to learn to deal with classes and his work even when he doesn’t like the teacher. I just worry… of course. It’s what I do!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I understand. Something I’m working on, too. Even though my kids are technically grown ups.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wait a sec. Aren’t you the self-proclaimed “math nerd”? That’s how you can help him. Sit him down at the kitchen table and go over what he’s had trouble with. Have his teacher send some practice stuff home. Actually have a meeting with the teacher if necessary. Fuck all that noise about being overprotective, by the way. You’re the parent. You set the rules. If y’all aren’t comfortable with them doing something, it’s not up for debate. Y’all are adults and know when you don’t trust a situation. Besides, kids need to hear no sometimes. Life isn’t gonna hand them anything, and they need to learn that. Nothing worse as a parent than unleashing an entitled child on the world.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The problem is that he has no trouble at all doing the math. He doesn’t need help. I’ve gone over his homework with him… He does it… I check it… no problems whatsoever. For some reason, he’s just doing poorly on tests. I can’t be there for those. I don’t even see how extra help or extra work would help. He knows how to do all of it. We have talked about a meeting with the teacher… I think we may need to do that because I don’t know what else to do.
I just don’t want my kids to lose friends. I don’t want them to be the outcasts whose parents won’t let them do anything. My son already feels like he doesn’t matter to most kids. My daughter only sees the one girl outside of school… and you know the whole story with that girl.
This stuff makes me cry so much. I couldn’t even keep it in Friday night. Everyone witnessed me in tears. I felt awful.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aw, now you’re gonna make me cry. I know it’s hard. To see your kids not happy, for whatever reason. And to have them witness you break down? It’s not ideal, in our minds as parents, but it makes you human to them, not just mom or dad. But don’t just brush them off and tell them all is ok. Talk it out. Great way to get them to open up to you about what’s really going on, ya’ know?
LikeLiked by 1 person
My daughter talks to me… she’ll open up and tell me anything… but my son… it’s a lot harder. And if he’d rather talk to my husband, that’s fine with me… but he doesn’t really say much. I feel like I hardly ever know what’s going on with him. It makes me so sad. I mean, is it me? Does he feel like he can’t talk to me? I hate that thought but it’s probably true.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nope. I bet it has little to do with you. Boys get a little weird with mom at his age. And dad too. Wait til he’s a brooding teenager. You’ll have to pry shit out of him with a crowbar. 😃
LikeLiked by 1 person
It already feels that way with him. But on the other hand, my daughter told me the other day… “I’m at the age where I have no use for Dad. I just want to talk to you.” I had to laugh… she’s only 9… can’t wait til she’s a teenager…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I feel for you. It’s a tough job.
I wouldn’t have let my 9 year olds go to anything like that with people I didn’t know and trust.
My son (very bright) had some trouble in 2nd grade math. It was the only year he struggled, and it was the teacher, absolutely. I recommend speaking to the teacher, especially if he tests well otherwise. I’d want to see the average score of the class in comparison to my child.
I’m sorry you’re so sad.
*sprinkles bonus points*
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for the encouraging words. I don’t expect to ever stop worrying about my kids but right now, it’s overwhelming…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I understand. I hope things get better soon.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My oldest is very bright, possibly brilliant, and an engineer now. He hated being singled out in school (maybe teased, I’m not sure) and refused to go into the gifted program. In middle school he seemed to try even harder to downplay his grades, doing poorly in a few classes and it was so upsetting to me. I just tried to keep having talks with him and it was about that age that I asked hubby to take him for breakfast on Saturday mornings so they could talk cars, girls, school, whatever without me. Hubby is not a talker but it seemed to help…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I definitely encourage my husband and son to spend more time together. I think that’s good for my son. I don’t think he’s trying to seem less smart intentionally, though. He currently has an A+ in every other class… and his friends are “the smart kids”, too. Plus he’s been so upset about this… I can’t imagine it’s intentional. I think it’s at least partly because of the teacher… but I still don’t fully understand…
LikeLike
Pingback: moody monday. #9 | what sandra thinks
Pingback: moody monday. #11 #parenting (and more) | what sandra thinks