Fuck, I’m tired. I’m just not capable of falling asleep at a decent hour anymore. I’ve been meaning to change that… guess I should get on it. But exhaustion aside, I have to get in the shower. I have to dress myself in business attire. I do not miss that.

Hm. Maybe I do miss it a little. These pants fit great. I look good in these. Wow… I really thought I was being frivolous when I bought these dress-up shoes (yes, my brain really does use words like ‘dress-up’), but they are so comfortable. I should dress up every day. *laughter* Riiiiight.

Google Maps better not be fucking with me. When the hell is there no traffic from here to there? I used to work one exit away. I know how it is. Seriously, Google, totally traffic-free? It’s not that I don’t love you, Googs (I call him Googs)… I’m just not sure I trust you.

This is ridiculous. Why am I leaving at 10am for an 11am appointment along a path that Google claims will only take 20 minutes? Because you’re paranoid and anxious. Because you’re worried that if something can go wrong, it will. I really need to stop looking at my past to guess my future. Hm. That was profound. Oh my god… I think I just made up a cliché. I am dead to me.

Holy crap, this parking lot is packed! Am I at a car dealership? Am I going to have to wait for someone to purchase a fucking car to get a spot? Someone please buy the pretentious BMW near the door. No… okay fine… I wouldn’t want it either. Ooh I see something… it’s a good sign. Like, literally a good sign… that reads ‘free garage parking’. My favorite kind of garage parking!

Aw hell… am I going to have to drive up to the fucking roof for a spot? Wait. I see brake lights. Ugh… dude… pleeease continue to pull out as slowly as humanly possible. (Hm. That was not profound. But a little dirty.)

Okay… got my parking spot. And now I’m going to sit here and catch up on a few emails. I know, I know. I said I was in a hurry. But the appointment isn’t for another 40 minutes. A little early is okay. Good even. But 40 minutes is a bit much…

Damn… these shoes are really really comfortable! I love them.

Is that a Dunkin’ Donuts? Of course it is. I’m in MA… it’s disconcerting if one does not appear before your eyes every 3 to 5 miles. But this one is in the office building. There’s no mistaking that pink D-shaped door handle… a mere 10 steps from the building’s entrance. How convenient. But this is the agency… not a prospective workplace. Unless the agency is a prospective workplace. I don’t think so. And with normal commute-time traffic, this 20-minute trip would take me twice that… maybe even more. Not horrible but…

It’s a beautiful building. Lots of glass. Kind of intimidating. To me, anyway. The elevator talks. Am I being watched? 6th floor. I think I’ll turn left since I have no idea which way to go. Good guess… Here it is with its floor-to-ceiling glass door and walls.

Thanks, nice lady who greeted me, but I don’t think I can have coffee while I wait. I’m a little anxious. Oh, it would probably have no impact. My caffeine tolerance is gigantic, but why risk it?

Ms. Recruiter is so nice… non-intimidating. What a relief. I had no idea what to expect. Someone I used to work with gave me her name and contact info… I knew nothing else about her.

I really hate that my last job is so difficult to label. I was there for over 10 years. By the end, I was doing about 20 different things… because I was good at anything they threw at me… and I was quick and efficient so they threw a lot at me. She understands. But I worry about her seeing the date I last worked… and the “mom” explanation for it. But she is unfazed.

What do I want to do? What things did I like most? She’s writing all sorts of things down. I think I’m talking too much. Shut up. But still, the big things… big to me, anyway. Location… schedule… money. I knew I was asking too much. But… again, she is unfazed. She doesn’t think it’s unrealistic to find something in the location I want… something that’s not just a little piece of what I used to do… something I might even like.

I don’t know if anything will come of this. I could hear from her in the next couple weeks or it could be months. Or she may never find anything for me at all. But she sounded optimistic. Granted, compared to me, everyone sounds optimistic…

[And I still feel like it’s pretty sad that doing a ‘normal’ thing like this is such a triumph for me…]

Oh… and of course, before I left, I bought myself a big fat cup of coffee at that uber-convenient in-building Dunkin’… and I even resisted donuts. Fuck, that’s two huge accomplishments…!


©2017 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy, too. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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40 Responses to tuesday.

  1. David says:

    Loved that. Stream of consciousness, original. It’s a great description of something so mundane as a job interview.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I dig the play-by-play thing. Glad you made it through unscathed. You know, when she does call back, and she will, I hope it’s something you do enjoy. I firmly believe that getting back out there, getting the positive vibes and confidence that comes from doing a good job, and simply being back working, will all lead to your feeling better about yourself and your future. Not that being a mom isn’t a tough job, but you don’t always get the pats on the back you most certainly deserve, and that we all crave. Work kinda sucks sometimes, of course. But it’s good for us. Makes us feel useful and integral and confident. I seriously don’t want to sound condescending, but, I’m proud of you! 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Feeling like a proud mom here. Fly, my little chick…Fly! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Meg Sorick says:

    You did it! This is great news! You will get a call, I’m sure. The first hurdle is behind you. And your shoes are awesome! So happy right now!!! 😘🌷

    Liked by 2 people

  5. gigglingfattie says:

    Ooo! YES! I am so glad that it went so well with those two major accomplishments! I’m not sure I could have done both of those things…the interview probably but skipping the donut? Doubtful haha! So proud of you missy!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Woo-hoo! Sounds like you nailed it. No, really. You got there in plenty of time (not late = gold star), resisted Dunkin’ Donuts (Before. And after. 😀 ) And you did it. Just. Yes! Love the way you wrote this, too. Congrats and good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. magarisa says:

    You met with a recruiter AND resisted the donuts? Incredible! 😁😁

    Liked by 1 person

  8. VictoryInTrouble says:

    Good luck, Sandra!! I never trust google drive times either! 😄

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Lennon Carlyle says:

    Fuck! I’m so proud of you! You deserved that gigantic cup of coffee from DD fo sho! That wasn’t so bad was it? One under your belt and I hope many more to come. You’ll find something, I just know it. I just hope it’s something you really like and enjoy. Whoever lands you, will be thrilled! Hugs Sista! Happy Friday too!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. GAAAAAH. I miss donuts.

    But this is awesome. I know how much energy that all takes….Kudos.

    The shoes – Clarks?

    Liked by 1 person

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