Fuck, I’m tired. I’m just not capable of falling asleep at a decent hour anymore. I’ve been meaning to change that… guess I should get on it. But exhaustion aside, I have to get in the shower. I have to dress myself in business attire. I do not miss that.
Hm. Maybe I do miss it a little. These pants fit great. I look good in these. Wow… I really thought I was being frivolous when I bought these dress-up shoes (yes, my brain really does use words like ‘dress-up’), but they are so comfortable. I should dress up every day. *laughter* Riiiiight.
Google Maps better not be fucking with me. When the hell is there no traffic from here to there? I used to work one exit away. I know how it is. Seriously, Google, totally traffic-free? It’s not that I don’t love you, Googs (I call him Googs)… I’m just not sure I trust you.
This is ridiculous. Why am I leaving at 10am for an 11am appointment along a path that Google claims will only take 20 minutes? Because you’re paranoid and anxious. Because you’re worried that if something can go wrong, it will. I really need to stop looking at my past to guess my future. Hm. That was profound. Oh my god… I think I just made up a cliché. I am dead to me.
Holy crap, this parking lot is packed! Am I at a car dealership? Am I going to have to wait for someone to purchase a fucking car to get a spot? Someone please buy the pretentious BMW near the door. No… okay fine… I wouldn’t want it either. Ooh I see something… it’s a good sign. Like, literally a good sign… that reads ‘free garage parking’. My favorite kind of garage parking!
Aw hell… am I going to have to drive up to the fucking roof for a spot? Wait. I see brake lights. Ugh… dude… pleeease continue to pull out as slowly as humanly possible. (Hm. That was not profound. But a little dirty.)
Okay… got my parking spot. And now I’m going to sit here and catch up on a few emails. I know, I know. I said I was in a hurry. But the appointment isn’t for another 40 minutes. A little early is okay. Good even. But 40 minutes is a bit much…
Damn… these shoes are really really comfortable! I love them.
Is that a Dunkin’ Donuts? Of course it is. I’m in MA… it’s disconcerting if one does not appear before your eyes every 3 to 5 miles. But this one is in the office building. There’s no mistaking that pink D-shaped door handle… a mere 10 steps from the building’s entrance. How convenient. But this is the agency… not a prospective workplace. Unless the agency is a prospective workplace. I don’t think so. And with normal commute-time traffic, this 20-minute trip would take me twice that… maybe even more. Not horrible but…
It’s a beautiful building. Lots of glass. Kind of intimidating. To me, anyway. The elevator talks. Am I being watched? 6th floor. I think I’ll turn left since I have no idea which way to go. Good guess… Here it is with its floor-to-ceiling glass door and walls.
Thanks, nice lady who greeted me, but I don’t think I can have coffee while I wait. I’m a little anxious. Oh, it would probably have no impact. My caffeine tolerance is gigantic, but why risk it?
Ms. Recruiter is so nice… non-intimidating. What a relief. I had no idea what to expect. Someone I used to work with gave me her name and contact info… I knew nothing else about her.
I really hate that my last job is so difficult to label. I was there for over 10 years. By the end, I was doing about 20 different things… because I was good at anything they threw at me… and I was quick and efficient so they threw a lot at me. She understands. But I worry about her seeing the date I last worked… and the “mom” explanation for it. But she is unfazed.
What do I want to do? What things did I like most? She’s writing all sorts of things down. I think I’m talking too much. Shut up. But still, the big things… big to me, anyway. Location… schedule… money. I knew I was asking too much. But… again, she is unfazed. She doesn’t think it’s unrealistic to find something in the location I want… something that’s not just a little piece of what I used to do… something I might even like.
I don’t know if anything will come of this. I could hear from her in the next couple weeks or it could be months. Or she may never find anything for me at all. But she sounded optimistic. Granted, compared to me, everyone sounds optimistic…
[And I still feel like it’s pretty sad that doing a ‘normal’ thing like this is such a triumph for me…]
Oh… and of course, before I left, I bought myself a big fat cup of coffee at that uber-convenient in-building Dunkin’… and I even resisted donuts. Fuck, that’s two huge accomplishments…!