16 january – lost cause. #bloganuary

January 16:

What is a cause you’re passionate about and why? 

I suppose it’s terrible that I don’t have an answer for this. I can think of a few causes that I should be passionate about, as they have touched my life. Things relating to mental health (me and other family), heart disease (my dad), brain cancer (my cousin), and suicide (a different cousin). I could probably think of others, too.

But I don’t have any money to donate, and I’m obviously not a people person, so having any active role in supporting these causes is out of the question.

I guess my answer is no, even though this is not a yes-or-no question.

Right now, the only cause I’m working on is myself. (But I wouldn’t say I’m “passionate” about it. I haven’t even gotten to the point where I think I’m worth it yet.) I feel selfish, but I shouldn’t feel that way, right? It’s important for me to be healthy and (god help me) happy. That’s a huge undertaking when you’re me.

I worry because I feel like I’m going downhill. I’ve been trying a few small things over the last few weeks (because I need to take small steps or I’ll really overwhelm myself). But I’m discouraged. I know it takes time. I know I can’t undo many many years of sadness, despair, negativity, and self-loathing overnight. Nothing pulls me up, though. Nothing ever changes.

I guess I haven’t found what works for me yet. I mean, it’s different for everyone, to some extent. What helps someone else feel better won’t necessarily work for me. If it were that simple, no one would be depressed. One person would find the solution, and we’d all follow that.

But I need a win. Something to keep me going. I haven’t had a win in a long time. I can’t even remember what that feels like.

I hope I’m not a lost cause.

Here’s a cause I support (but I don’t think it counts): Men. (And I feel passionate about it!)
Should I keep Mr. Perfect and Mr. Also Perfect, or should I start rotating in other Mr. Perfects? I worry that I’m neglecting others in my collection of hot guys. But would that be a betrayal? I wouldn’t be keeping my promise to have Mr. Sexy Beach Guy at the end of every post forever and ever. I always have the tough decisions. 

p.s. — I hate this prompt. It makes me feel like a bad person.

©2022 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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14 Responses to 16 january – lost cause. #bloganuary

  1. gigglingfattie says:

    i think working on yourself is a great cause!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 1. You’re not a bad person. 2. You have to take care of yourself, otherwise you can’t take care of others.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ogden Fahey says:

    Whenever someone asks me what I’m passionate about my first thought is along the lines of “oh christ, why don’t ya just ^££)%% off!” My next thought is $%&* this b%shit!! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. jrvincente says:

    You’re not a bad person. Richard and I put that we’re passionate about the Oxford Comma. So… yeah. Mostly out of frustration with the prompts. There are things we care about, but right now, our life is a little consuming. So… the rest of the world has to wait for our attention.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Jo says:

    Have you tried TMS for your depression? It’s helping a lot people who were failed by meds and therapy. And most insurance pays for it.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. JOanna says:

    You definitely should. The only requirement to qualify is failing at least two anti-depressants, and it sounds like went through your share of it. Due to my work I talked to many people who did TMS and most of them said it’s working, and were surprised themselves.

    Liked by 1 person

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