Dear Never,
Are you the answer?
Wait… don’t tell me. Not yet. Let me ask you the questions first.
When will I stop worrying all the time?
When will I feel like I’m a good person? A good mother? A good friend?
When will I believe others when they tell me I’m not so bad? When will I stop thinking they’re ‘just being nice’?
When will I have one whole day—start to finish—where I don’t feel hopeless for a single moment?
When will I find some joy in my life?
When will I stop feeling so much pain?
When will I feel beautiful?
When will I stop hating myself?
When will I feel happiness?
Okay now…
Are you the answer? …because I’m afraid you are.
p.s. — Dear Now, When should I give up? Are you the answer?
©2020 what sandra thinks
what sandra thinks 
Sandra, the answer to your p.s is the first question recipient, Never!
This is very clever by the way!
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Thank you. But I’m not sure about that ps answer…
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Yes! That’s what I was going to say. Also… read this thread:
https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1014362718713753600.html
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I’m just sick of everything I feel.
I like that thread… it makes a lot of sense.
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RIght? It was a life changer for me.
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Sweetie, you can never give up. You won’t because you have too much love for your children. I wish I could say it will get easier, but most days I feel like I’m just acting normal for everyone else because when I think too much the sadness is unbearable.
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I know what you mean. I feel like I’m pretending all the time. You know, people always say that stupid phrase, “fake it ’til you make it,” but that doesn’t work. I’ve been faking it for years. I think that actually makes me feel worse! It’s exhausting!
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Since Paul died I’ve been afraid to really feel grief— well, after a few months anyway. I’m so afraid if I think and feel too much I’ll just break… so I pretend I’m okay mostly. What else can I do?
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Yes, you have to do whatever it takes for you to make it through. I really don’t think anyone can say what’s the right or wrong way to deal with things. Although, I’m pretty sure I’m wrong. But that’s just my own feelings about myself.
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No, you’re sweet and fun and u have a fabulous sense of humor. So just keep going on. And I will do the same. Most days are okay, some are pretty good!
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Aw, thank you. I just think this isolation is making me feel worse than usual. I’ve had enough. And it’s only been 5 weeks… ugh!
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It’s getting harder, isn’t it?
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It really is. But we have each other, right? 🙂
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Yes, absolutely! I’ve been blogging more lately and it helps
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