I was just thinking | r/romance #atozchallenge

I was just thinking | whatsandrathinks

Do people think romance means flowers and chocolates and diamonds and ‘He went to Jared‘ and ‘Every kiss begins with Kay‘? [Those commercials are gross, by the way.] I think that version of romance is as phony and meaningless as Valentine’s Day.

When I dream of having romance in my life (which is daily), I don’t imagine those things. I dream of a love where he (whoever he may be… sigh) thinks of me and makes sure I know it. He makes me feel special all the time. He remembers the little things so his gestures are truly meant for me—not the generic standards (flowers, diamonds, etc.). He takes care of himself (abs! seriously, though) as I take care of myself because he wants to be the best he can be for me (and for himself). He adores me, flaws and all. Maybe even because of my flaws.

That is how I am when I am in love.

I’ve always had people in my life telling me that my dream of finding ‘that guy‘ (see above) is just that—a dream. He doesn’t exist in ‘real life‘. Maybe that’s true. I know it’s why I gave up on finding him and am stuck in my current relationship—because I believed them when they said it was pure fantasy.

The most romantic person I know—me—has no romance in her life.

Do I really have a soulmate? And if I do, how the fuck am I supposed to find him?

Soulmate. That starts with S.


p.s.— This wasn’t meant to lead right into my S post, but I guess it worked out that way… 

©2019 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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30 Responses to I was just thinking | r/romance #atozchallenge

  1. SandyLand says:

    You and I have a similar perspective on romance. I would totally date you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. gigglingfattie says:

    Your paragraph about what romance is, is what I think of romance too! I had it once but apparently he wasn’t being romantic, just “being friendly”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I agree with you. The cliche gifts a couple times year do not make romance. It’s the day-to-day little things, the surprise trips and date nights, the snuggles on a cold day. That’s what makes Romance, not Hallmark and Kay.

    As far as to you….never say never. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I reckon this qualifies for S as well as R. Take a day off, relax, and dream that Abs romantic dream!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I started to comment but then I thought huh! that’s a post! You’ve definitely inspired me! There’s definately a difference between love and romance. Romance is more of the shallow mentioned above. It’s base is more attraction in the moment, I think. The most romantic thing for me was a guy bring me a handful of wild flowers. He could afford Rose’s but he knew I loved wild flowers, saw them along the road and pulled over, picking them himself, for no reason except I said I like them.
    Love on the other hand, finds you. ….the right person and at the right time and usually when you arent looking. Romance can find you anywhere and if solely that, it’s almost always the wrong person. Lol
    I’ve been a million people, chubby, ultra thin, young, and aging, ever changing. Love loves me in all my ever changing forms. Love holds my hair while I’m hurling my guts up into the toilet, saw me push a human from my body, sees me at my worst and is unmoved….and makes me feel beautiful thru them all.


    • I’m not really comparing or equating love and romance. But for me, love includes romance. Romance, in my opinion, *most* often comes with love. Love without romance is not the love I want.

      I certainly don’t think romance is shallow. At least not my definition of romance… which is as I described–meaningful and thoughtful. If it’s shallow, that’s not romance to me.

      For me, romance is a part of love. As such, romance is never from the wrong person. In fact, if it’s the wrong person, I wouldn’t even view anything as romance.

      Much of what you describe as “love” falls under my definition of “romance”. But it’s subjective, I think. So there are bound to be differences of opinion.

      Anyway… I’m not comparing or equating love and romance. Not at all. They are two different things… but for me, they are related in a specific way.


      • Agreed! It certainly has its role. Though attraction related and the displays of it, it as is attraction, a key element to the process of love and its journey…and we want it to remain a part of a loving relationship. It’s fun, it feels good. But the thing that remains in a very long term relationship is that depth of love and handles the messy parts of life with grace. 😊💕
        Your someone will find you. Probably when you arent even looking.


  6. I don’t know if Paul was my soul mate, but he was a wonderful fit for me. I’m not looking to find anyone else but sometimes I cringe thinking I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. Is there only one soul mate for us, do you think, or is it a combination of timing and location and other things?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I really don’t know what to believe. If I answer without taking much time to overthink it, I say that I’m not sure soulmates are real but even if they are, I’m clearly not getting mine. If they are real, I’m not sure if there’s one for each of us and if we miss him or don’t find him, tough shit, so to speak…. or if there’s a soulmate for us within our reach. I’d love to believe the latter, but I’m past my prime. I would have liked to spend my younger years with this guy if he exists…

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Meg says:

    Yes, romance, no Hallmark. It’s tenderness, consideration, lots of physical contact even when it’s not sexual, small kindnesses and being kissed. Being made to feel beautiful and desirable. And breaking out of routine for no special reason, being spontaneous and trying something new for fun. The guy that checks all your boxes is the one who you want to keep forever.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hunida says:

    That man DOES exist, Sandra. Don’t listen to the cynics. Your soulmate is out there… everyone has one! ♡

    Liked by 1 person

    • But what if he lives on the other side of the world? What if he’s in an unsatisfying relationship like me? What if I never find him?

      When I think about all of those questions, I get very sad… 😦


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