I think I’m doing it wrong.
I know I should try going to sleep earlier so I can get one solid reasonably-long block of sleep. But it just doesn’t happen.
Edited to add: This is not because I can’t sleep. I have absolutely no trouble sleeping. It’s not an insomnia thing or anything like that. I can sleep. It’s just when I do it or don’t do it that’s a problem.
I’m not willing to give up my late night television ritual. Which doesn’t end until about 1:30 am.
You may ask… Why not just watch them in the morning? It’s easy enough to do that. But… it’s not the same if I don’t watch in real-time. The magic is lost. I need the magic.
[Aside: My 13-year old son watches these shows with me. And then he has to wake up at 6:30 for school. I am a bad influence.]
But this late night tv situation isn’t the worst part.
My mood is always better at night. I don’t want to sleep through that. So what happens instead is that I get about four hours of sleep… then I wake up and be the mom. After I take the kids to school (two different schools with start times an hour apart), I return home and go back to bed.
That’s the worst part: I have been trying to ‘beat‘ my hopeless, sad, lonely boredom by sleeping through it.
What’s even more pathetic is that it doesn’t even work. It only delays those unbearable feelings. Maybe it shortens how long they last… a little. But usually not noticeably.
I’ve tried so many things that I’ve either thought of on my own or heard from others. I try to keep busy. Cleaning, walking, getting out of the house any way I can think of, writing (fail), taking pictures (I suck). I take the recommended vitamins for my gender/age/issues. I take everything else professionals have recommended. I eat a healthy diet.
In short, if I have the ability to try something, I’ve tried it. If I can afford to do it, I’ve done it.
But here we are.
Maybe I need a nap.
©2018 what sandra thinks