Alone time. I’m about to have more of it.
I know a lot of parents are thrilled when their kids go back to school, but I’m not. Being alone is not a good thing for me. Not right now. Especially not during the day.
I, the jobless wonder, get bored. Extremely so. Oh, I can think of things to do… but I am so dispassionate that I struggle to do any of those things. They don’t appeal to me. Nothing does. So I reach a point of utter hopelessness… and I’m convinced I will never feel good again. It’s not the usual ‘feeling down‘ kind of thing. It feels so much worse. Overwhelming. Frightening. And it is unbearable.
It’s not that summer has been a non-stop party. No. There has been a lot of boredom (for me and the kids). And I did get that unbearable feeling… often. But it was slightly (very slightly) easier for me to get through it because I wasn’t alone. Now I’m nervous and afraid to feel it every day while the kids are at school.
At least I will be able to ease into it… sort of. I just found out this afternoon that the first three days of school (this week, Tues, Wed, Thurs) will all be half-days due to the extreme heat we are currently experiencing. Then there is a long weekend.
I really hope I will be okay. But I am worried. Very worried. I hate this. I hate it so much.
The kids had to go to the dentist this morning. Way to ruin their last day of summer break… I know. That was poor scheduling on my part, I guess. But I took them out to lunch afterward.
I’ve been wanting to try Wahlburgers since they opened. It’s been a while but we finally went today. I find that there are always people who immediately trash places that are even a little bit hyped up… like this one. But I thought the food was great (and the prices reasonable… rare nowadays). I thoroughly enjoyed my burger. And the onion rings were all stringy and crispy and yummy. Just like the little food stand that used to exist in my hometown back when I was in high school. (Man, I miss that place.)
I couldn’t bring myself to order a shake (sorry, I mean frappe) because, let’s face it, if I got one (coffee frappe… yummm), I would have had to get one for each kid, too… and I thought that was a bit much. We were stuffed when we left there.
That didn’t stop me from getting iced coffee after lunch, though. I have a problem.
It would be nice, I guess, if the end of summer meant I’d be writing more. But I don’t think that’s going to happen. Writing and I have not been on the same page for quite some time. Page… get it? Ugh. Sorry.
I did start to write a post about writing. Maybe that one will see the light of day. But no guarantees.
©2018 what sandra thinks
what sandra thinks 
Nice to see you haven’t lost your sense of humor. That’s the day I’ll really worry. Those onion strings look terrific. Great. Now I have the munchies. 😏
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Is that really my fault, though? 😏 Okay, maybe it is on a Monday night… but maybe not.
It’s what I’ve always said… if my sense of humor goes, I’m in trouble. It’s not enough to make me okay, but without it, I would be much worse.
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Your sense of humor is my favorite thing about you. Don’t ever let that go. And, it’s your fault…partly. 🤪
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Really? It’s not my pleasant and cheerful attitude? 😀
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Hahaha! See what I mean? 😃😃
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I am so clueless — is that burgers as in the Wahlbergers? Mark/Donny/the unfamous brother? The food looks great! I hope you get through the next couple of days… ❤
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Yes… those Wahlbergs. There’s a tv show about the restaurants (but I’ve never seen it). They are kind of a big deal around here because they’re from Boston. But I just love the food. In interviews and stuff… Donnie seems nice but Mark seems like an ass. Not that that affects the food… lol
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That’s awesome! I have seen Mark on a couple interviews and he does seem like an ass. 😜
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Yum, wish we had Wahlburgers here! That looks great. My little grandson started kindergarten last week and I should be happy about more free time. But I spend time worrying about him and how is day is going and wasting time instead of getting my house and blog in order. Oh well maybe cooler weather will help! Hope you are doing a little better
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I know what you mean… I am constantly worried about my kids and they are 5th and 8th grade now! That’s never going to end. Hell, next year the girl starts middle school and the boy starts high school. I’m don’t even want to think about how I’ll feel then!
Today was an okay day, mostly. I’m still worried about dealing with the additional alone time, though. And I hate that I still get that bad feeling even when I’m not alone. Ugh…
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I can’t imagine how I’d be if I didn’t take antianxiety medication. Well, yes, I know I’d be like I was when I was young. I still do fight the feelings all the time as I guess some is biological and some maybe is learned behavior or habit? My dad was depressed and my mom was anxious, so the best of all worlds!
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Funny you should say that about medication… lately I’ve been wondering if it even does anything for me… is it all in my head? Well, yes, it is, but is it really being “corrected”? I don’t even know. I do think some is learned/habitual. Not sure how to “fix” that part…
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Someone told me that the medication I am on probably has changed some of the neural pathways –if that’s the right way of saying it — and it would be difficult to stop taking it now. I can tell I’m better on it, would not have gotten thru the medical stuff otherwise. But I still worry too much and overreact to things. All we can do is try, I guess
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That’s what I usually think… the medication is doing something but it can’t fix everything. Maybe that’s why people suggest therapy… but that has never done anything for me.
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I know what you mean about the shake/frappe/whatevs. I took the kids to A&W today and got us all rootbeer floats along with dinner and it was insanity how much it came to.
I hope you’ll continue writing whenever you can though 🙂
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Dining out used to be a fun thing to do sometimes, but now, it’s so expensive that it kind of stresses me out. That’s not fun!
I hope I can continue to write. I don’t know why it has become such a struggle for me. 🙁
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I go through ups and downs with writing. I’ve established a kind of day/time when I’m feeling most creative (I’m sure it’s all habit based) and try to do as much writing as I can then.
I do find it difficult when I have other things on my mind though.
Yeah, we rarely go out with everyone (6 of us total) too expensive and 2 rarely eat anything we get them 😆
We usually pick one or two and rotate them on who gets to go when 🙂
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I definitely have too much on my mind… that’s for sure. It gets in the way.
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There’s a Wahlburgers here, I wanna try it some time too. Those onion strings look wonderful. ♡
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They were so good!
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I’m sure they appreciated the treat–it sounds like a great restaurant. We don’t have them in Canada unfortunately!
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The food was good and it was a nice atmosphere. I’d love to go back. Today even, since it’s too hot to cook!
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Ive never tried a walburgers! sounds great though! I love onion rings! xx
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Yes… onion rings are the best!
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