get out.

Please don’t say ‘I told you so.‘ I’ve always known you were right. Getting out of the house helps me. It’s never been about wanting to get out. It’s always been about being able to get out. I know that sounds ridiculous to most of you… but it’s reality for me. Some days, it can be extremely difficult.

When I’m required to go out—appointments, kids’ stuff, a job when I had one—I can do it easily. But as soon as it’s optional, I struggle. Even when I’m dying to get out of here. I can’t explain it… and I’m betting that to many of you, this makes no sense. Hell, it makes no sense to me either.

How can it be so difficult to do things I want to do? (Not just getting out of the house…) I know… ‘just do it.‘ I sooo wish it were that simple. Sometimes, I can force myself. Other times, it doesn’t work out.

I don’t know how I did it today. I never know how. Oh… I couldn’t shut my brain up… it started, like always, to talk me out of it. But I guess I managed to win the fight with myself. That sentence makes no sense. If I’m fighting with myself, I’ll always win. I guess it’s a matter of which me wins.

I drove to a park nearby. I didn’t stay long or walk a trail or anything. I wasn’t dressed for that… definitely wearing the wrong shoes. But I took a few pictures…

Then I went to get a big fat iced coffee.
[Sorry… the coffee is gone now and I neglected to photograph it…]

When I got home, I took these lilac pictures in my front yard… I wish you could smell them…

 

©2018 what sandra thinks

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About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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32 Responses to get out.

  1. Those are some beautiful pictures, Sandra! Thanks for sharing.
    I am certainly not going to tell you “I told you so”, because I get it…oh, do I get it. I just hope you found some joy in it…especially the iced coffee 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This spoke to my agoraphobic, anxiety riddled heart. I’m please you managed to get out! Well done sweetie 💞

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks so much. ♥ I didn’t confess the part where I wanted to go over to a different area in the park but there were people there so I kind of panicked and left… But I’m glad I got out.

      Like

  3. Mel Gutiér says:

    Beautiful! Small steps… towards big rewards. You’re good. 😊💞

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lana Cole says:

    Lovely photos! It always makes me feel better when I get out of the house, sometimes it hits me that I haven’t left the house for days.. 😊☀️

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am uber proud of you. I get what you’re saying, about fighting with yourself. That’s not a foreign concept to most of us, I’m sure. But fighting those negative things back is just how it’s done. There really is no other way, I don’t think. And, I’ll assume that first paragraph is a generalized statement, and specifically directed at a specific someone. 😃😃

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh yes, I can smell that lilac, it’s imprinted in whatever bit of my brain keeps smells safe. It almost makes me dizzy, it’s so strong.
    Super happy that you had a trip out, even if you didn’t do everything you would have liked. It really is good to breathe at this time of year isn’t it, with all the new growth, the new life, especially baby birds bullying their moms to get more food.
    Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. jrvincente says:

    Lilacs are my favorite flowers. My mom’s best friend gave me a bush for my house when we bought it. It’s just in bloom!

    Yay for getting out of the house! I totally understand how hard it can be to find the motivation.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Meg says:

    Great photos! I’m glad you had a nice breath of fresh air and some lovely scenery. But it looks like you have some pretty lovely scenery right in the front yard. 😃

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Juli Hoffman says:

    Your lilacs are sooo beautiful!! (And yeah…it DOES make sense. HUGS!!!)

    Liked by 1 person

  10. The V Pub says:

    Watch out where you’re walking. I was watching the news and a woman got treed by a pack of coyotes.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. rugby843 says:

    I know exactly what you mean. The pictures are gorgeous. I’m glad you went out.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Hunida says:

    Yay! Pretty photos! I’m glad you got out there! ♡

    Liked by 1 person

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