Please don’t say ‘I told you so.‘ I’ve always known you were right. Getting out of the house helps me. It’s never been about wanting to get out. It’s always been about being able to get out. I know that sounds ridiculous to most of you… but it’s reality for me. Some days, it can be extremely difficult.
When I’m required to go out—appointments, kids’ stuff, a job when I had one—I can do it easily. But as soon as it’s optional, I struggle. Even when I’m dying to get out of here. I can’t explain it… and I’m betting that to many of you, this makes no sense. Hell, it makes no sense to me either.
How can it be so difficult to do things I want to do? (Not just getting out of the house…) I know… ‘just do it.‘ I sooo wish it were that simple. Sometimes, I can force myself. Other times, it doesn’t work out.
I don’t know how I did it today. I never know how. Oh… I couldn’t shut my brain up… it started, like always, to talk me out of it. But I guess I managed to win the fight with myself. That sentence makes no sense. If I’m fighting with myself, I’ll always win. I guess it’s a matter of which me wins.
I drove to a park nearby. I didn’t stay long or walk a trail or anything. I wasn’t dressed for that… definitely wearing the wrong shoes. But I took a few pictures…
Then I went to get a big fat iced coffee.
[Sorry… the coffee is gone now and I neglected to photograph it…]
When I got home, I took these lilac pictures in my front yard… I wish you could smell them…
©2018 what sandra thinks