the cleanse.

Not my actual desk.

• • • • •

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I need to cleanse my life. Not talking about an internal thing (although I admit to being curious about that). I’m talking about my surroundings. Too much clutter around me makes the clutter inside me feel so much worse. I’ve been sorting through some of the outside clutter lately. Maybe that will eventually lead to sorting through the internal clutter… but I’m not there yet.

As I rummaged through old papers, cards, photos, and other random stuff, I’ve noticed a few things.

I save everything. Every. Thing. It’s ridiculous. I have drawings my kids did when they were so young that the pictures are just scribbles. I have receipts from things I bought over 10 years ago…. I have piles and piles of cards—some from my wedding (18 years ago)… some from my son’s birth (he’s 13)… my daughter’s birth (she’s 10)… Christmases as far back as 2003. I could go on… but I won’t. I don’t know why I feel the need to keep these things.

I also noticed that I clearly have a (probably unhealthy) attachment to my ex-boyfriend (the most significant one). I found silly little things he gave me… memorabilia from places we went… and pictures… lots of pictures. I think part of me is still in love with the guy. I kept all of it. But those cards from my wedding? I tossed those. Wonder what that means? I am so screwed up!

I’m too sentimental, probably. But knowing that doesn’t make it any easier for me to get rid of certain things. More than once, I tossed something in the trash pile… and pulled it back out… and maybe I tossed it again… or maybe I kept it. It’s so silly. I have my memories… I don’t need any of the stuff. Yet I still can’t let it all go. But I did clear out a lot.

Of course, there are non-sentimental things, too.

Clearly, I have allowed myself to take ‘bonus’ items with me every time I’ve left a job. I have enough post-it notepads to last me the rest of my life. I have three staplers and five boxes of staples. I have rulers and scissors and binder clips (handy for papers and for closing that bag of chips). Enough file folders to organize my life probably forever. And the paperclips. Holy crap… the paperclips! I don’t know why I have so many but if I attach them all, I might make it to the moon. But of course, I kept them all. Maybe I’ll try to solve crimes with them. Like MacGyver.

Obviously, I have a problem letting things go. Physically and psychologically. It’s something I need to work on. I’ve done well lately purging stuff. But purging regrets and other assorted negative thoughts? I have a lot more trouble with that. I can’t toss those into a bucket and dump them out with the trash. But if I could, damn, that would really help declutter my mind.

• • • • •

Oh… by the way… if anyone needs any paper clips, post-it notes or other assorted office supplies, let me know…

• • • • •

©2018 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy, too. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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41 Responses to the cleanse.

  1. I think I’m going shopping at your house! 😉

    Ya know the one thing I noticed about this post for sure? The fact you are going through and clearing the things out that are not important to you… That’s got to feel somewhat therapeutic, huh?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. sorryless says:

    Best of luck in your journey towards minimalism. Or at least a semblance of it . . .:)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Marquessa says:

    Decluttering is like a drug! Most of my extra pens, binders, etc I donated to a school. All other items were given to Renaissance (not Salvation Army). Now I want to go clean something! Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think it’s good to clear stuff out like that. It lets the space breathe, and the aura feels lighter almost immediately. 👍🏻

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Meg says:

    Ah! I love to clean things out and lighten the load. It feels great, right? I’m not really very sentimental, though so I have no problem giving stuff the heave ho. I’ll take some of those post it notes – I buy them by the case at Costco! I’m so glad you’re feeling better today. I hope it continues! 👏

    Liked by 1 person

  6. ghostmmnc says:

    You’re not alone in saving every thing. I really need to clear out stuff, but it’s so much, I get overwhelmed just thinking about it. Where to even start? Or if I do start, I get distracted and just quit and put it all back into those big plastic bins, and in the closet.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I was overwhelmed, too. I just decided to start with my desk because I could go one drawer at a time. But once I finished one, I wanted to do the next… Still, that one whole desk (6 drawers) took me a few days… working on it when I could. It put me in the mindset to to clean more, though. I started another area today… 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Holding on tight. What is your heart afraid of…to lose a love…a fear of rejection. It is gently waiting there for you to look…really look at what is driving it. And once you understand it will let you go, no longer having any power over you 😀
    And finally a clear desk to do with what you wish ❤


  8. I, too, am interested in the “or something.” Well done Sandra!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I am constantly fighting clutter. And I know it keeps me from doing other things. I think I know deep down that if I get totally organized I will be out of excuses. Or some weird shit like that…

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Hunida says:

    Gosh… I’m the exact same way!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I feel this way from time to time.

    Liked by 1 person

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