Not my actual desk.
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Lately, I’ve been feeling like I need to cleanse my life. Not talking about an internal thing (although I admit to being curious about that). I’m talking about my surroundings. Too much clutter around me makes the clutter inside me feel so much worse. I’ve been sorting through some of the outside clutter lately. Maybe that will eventually lead to sorting through the internal clutter… but I’m not there yet.
As I rummaged through old papers, cards, photos, and other random stuff, I’ve noticed a few things.
I save everything. Every. Thing. It’s ridiculous. I have drawings my kids did when they were so young that the pictures are just scribbles. I have receipts from things I bought over 10 years ago…. I have piles and piles of cards—some from my wedding (18 years ago)… some from my son’s birth (he’s 13)… my daughter’s birth (she’s 10)… Christmases as far back as 2003. I could go on… but I won’t. I don’t know why I feel the need to keep these things.
I also noticed that I clearly have a (probably unhealthy) attachment to my ex-boyfriend (the most significant one). I found silly little things he gave me… memorabilia from places we went… and pictures… lots of pictures. I think part of me is still in love with the guy. I kept all of it. But those cards from my wedding? I tossed those. Wonder what that means? I am so screwed up!
I’m too sentimental, probably. But knowing that doesn’t make it any easier for me to get rid of certain things. More than once, I tossed something in the trash pile… and pulled it back out… and maybe I tossed it again… or maybe I kept it. It’s so silly. I have my memories… I don’t need any of the stuff. Yet I still can’t let it all go. But I did clear out a lot.
Of course, there are non-sentimental things, too.
Clearly, I have allowed myself to take ‘bonus’ items with me every time I’ve left a job. I have enough post-it notepads to last me the rest of my life. I have three staplers and five boxes of staples. I have rulers and scissors and binder clips (handy for papers and for closing that bag of chips). Enough file folders to organize my life probably forever. And the paperclips. Holy crap… the paperclips! I don’t know why I have so many but if I attach them all, I might make it to the moon. But of course, I kept them all. Maybe I’ll try to solve crimes with them. Like MacGyver.
Obviously, I have a problem letting things go. Physically and psychologically. It’s something I need to work on. I’ve done well lately purging stuff. But purging regrets and other assorted negative thoughts? I have a lot more trouble with that. I can’t toss those into a bucket and dump them out with the trash. But if I could, damn, that would really help declutter my mind.
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Oh… by the way… if anyone needs any paper clips, post-it notes or other assorted office supplies, let me know…
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