I’m going to say this twice… here and at the end: If this post starts a riot, down it comes. But really, I think it’s pretty non-offensive.
All I’ve heard about for weeks is tonight’s big game. Has everything else in the world ceased happening? I was surprised the local news took a break to give a weather forecast last night between otherwise constant talk of said big game.
As a lifelong New Englander [PLEASE do not throw things at me], I should be used to this by now. But it’s excessive. I do not need to know how long it takes the Patriots to get from the sidelines to the locker room. Seriously, I shit you not… that was on the news.
A few days ago, I was watching non-football-related tv and they broke in with a special report. I thought, oh fuck, what has a-hole president done this time? But it wasn’t that. It was a Tom Brady press conference. Dear god… seriously. I mean, dude, I wanted to see that Apple Cinnamon Muffin recipe on The Chew.
The thing is… I’ve never been into sports much. I played a few as a kid, but as a spectator? Nah. I’ve always been part of a non-football family… as a kid and an adult.
Despite so many people around here being total fanatics, part of the reason I don’t get so involved in the sports hype is that it’s fucking stressful! Why do we care so much? It’s not like we’re on the team (unless some professional athletes happen to be reading this… haha). It’s not like we get a payout (unless you’re a lucky gambler). [Hmm… maybe I should look into that.]
Yet if I start to watch, I start to want my home team to win, and I get super tense. Seriously… what the hell happens to people (including me)? I don’t know, but when the home team is in the SuperBowl, it’s kind of impossible not to get sucked in. I’m a total bandwagoner.
[And I have to add this: the half-time show? I LOATHE Justin Timberlake. Why him? Ugh. Gross. He has a seat on my plane-crash plane. Hmm… I should post about that sometime. ]
But forget all that…
I can tell you why I really like to see the Patriots win games. It’s very simple.
Eighty-seven cent coffee.
Every time the Pats win, Dunkin has 87-cent coffee the next day. The number is obviously not random. Rob Gronkowski does Dunkin ads up here… 87 is his number. Too bad they couldn’t get Brady to do the ads… his number is 12. That would kick ass.
I do have a question, though, for everyone except the three or fewer people out there who actually want the Patriots to win…
I get that you’re sick of NE winning all the time, but would you be sick of it if it were ‘your‘ team winning so often? I shouldn’t assume, but I’m thinking the answer is no.
People hate the Patriots. Like, violently in some cases. I don’t care… but I am sick of hearing it… and honestly, it makes me feel like I can’t admit I live here for fear that people won’t like me anymore. That’s how intense it is.
I hope you will all still be my friends no matter who you want to see win this thing.
As promised… I’m going to say this again: If this post starts a riot, down it comes. I think we’re all adults here. Probably.