I have started nine posts today.
Clearly, yesterday wasn’t the start of me being able to write again.
I’ve done all the things people say to do… look at prompts… take a walk… read something… do something entirely unrelated to writing… and I guess I also tried taking a break (an involuntary one). But… nothing. Do I need to just disappear? I don’t want that. But if I keep posting all this crap, you might want that…
My head is full of worries and fears. It’s overwhelming. I can’t focus on anything else. That’s got to be why I can’t write. I wish I could do something to control it… the extreme worrying… but nothing works. I just seem to… cry.
And it’s not just writing. Nothing else is working either…
…My son is stressed out. He’s too young for this. It’s probably genetic… so, my fault.
…My daughter’s ‘friend‘ is batshit crazy. Nice one minute, bitchy and making up stories the next. She goes up and down faster than a… um… thing that goes up and down really fast.
…I don’t think my Etsy shop is ever going to open. Maybe the name crisis was my mind’s way of stopping me. But I finally did come up with a name. So I’ve jumped that hurdle. But now I’m having trouble getting pictures of my work that look good enough to use. I’ve taken over 200 pictures of about 15 cards. They all suck. I’ve tried all different kinds of lighting… different backgrounds… but nothing works.
If anyone knows how to take a decent indoor picture, I’m desperate. And I’m ready to give up…
I feel like I’ve got some sort of psychological target on my back. And nothing ever misses. Fucking bullseye every time.
I wonder what it’s like to have a good day. I wonder what it’s like to have something go right. Some. Fucking. Thing. But… no… don’t tell me what it’s like. It’ll just make me feel worse.
©2017 what sandra thinks