[I’m not sure about that comma. Does it really belong there?]
I’m still empty. And I’m not sure what to think… I’ve never felt quite like this. I always have something to say. But lately, it’s hard for me to post… to email… to talk… to communicate… because I feel like I have nothing to say. Nothing that matters, anyway. My life is boring. And now I’m going to tell you about it. Parts of it. But yeah… it’s boring.
The shops.
I have been trying to get my Etsy shop open but I feel anxious and I’ve been having a little trouble. I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing and I hate that feeling. How the fuck do you write a description for a freaking birthday card? How do you give it a title? It’s a card. It has birthday candles on it. That’s pretty much it.
My other shop (on RedBubble) is open… it’s just sitting there. I don’t know how to promote it so I doubt I will get much business… beyond a few friends who probably just feel sorry for me. (Not that I don’t think you’re wonderful people… I am so thankful… ♥) I guess I should link it since I’m talking about it anyway… but it’s in the sidebar… but if you read in the Reader (I hate that fucking thing… makes my blog’s design pointless), you don’t even see that. I’m so glad I spend (waste) time making my blog look good.
More ‘work’-related stuff.
My husband’s HR manager volunteered to look at my resumé. She gave me some great notes and I worked on making those changes. I do have an issue, though. I called myself a ‘freelancer’ during the gaps where I was laid off and had no luck finding a job so I was out of work for a while. And that is fine and not totally a lie. However, she says I really need to list specific projects.
Mostly, I did favors for people (not that anyone needs to know that my work was mostly unpaid). I don’t know how to list ‘specific projects‘ of that nature. How do I make party invitations, various types of cards, and a few instances of designing graphics for the internet sound professional? I haven’t a clue. And how specific do I need to be? Do I need to say for whom I did the work? That seems a bit much. So… I’m stuck.
Once I get that updated, I want to reload it to all the job sites I’m using (and failing with). But I still have the full-time/part-time situation. With my previous experience… in my nondescript field, part-time is hard to find… but that’s really what I need. (FYI, before you say it, no I can’t take a job in retail or some other such hell because the on/off back pain I’ve had since childbirth prevents me from being on my feet for long periods of time. And I’m not going to physically torture myself for minimum wage or, you know, for any wage.)
My daughter’s ‘friend’ situation.
(I’m going to make this as brief as possible because I’m sure you’re sick of reading about it…)
After my husband contacted the school, the principal spoke to both girls separately. And he called the other girl’s parents. However, that morning before either of them met with Mr. M, A (the ‘friend’) handed my daughter multiple notes apologizing… saying she didn’t mean any of it… saying that she was mad about something (no idea what) but she wanted to be friends again. Then the Mr. M meetings happened, but still, she wanted to be friends again.
When we heard from Mr. M and he said ‘they are friends now’, we were baffled. After school, my daughter filled in the blanks. But she is smart… and nice… so she says she will be friends with this girl but she’s not going to forget all those things she said and they’ll never be best friends again.
• • •
So… this was a rambling mess. I really wish I could write a decent post. I don’t know what’s wrong with me… it seems all I talk about is having nothing to talk about. And just stupid life stuff. I’m sick of myself. But I guess I still crave people to talk to… so you get this. Sorry…
©2017 what sandra thinks
You’re not alone…. you’re never alone.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you… ♥♥
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know it doesn’t fix anything… believe me I know. I hate those feelings more than most.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s okay… I don’t expect any miracle solutions… I just wish for them. Ha. But I know you get me… ♥
LikeLike
Just checked out your shop =O awesome! you’ve been busy 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! I guess when I have trouble writing, I can still design things… kind of…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Loved the way you summed up this one…..I can definitely relate to many of the confusions and feelings you have expressed here…..ultimately everything passes…..and everything becomes right and falls into place…….:)…..
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks… just feeling both overwhelmed and empty at the same time lately…
LikeLike
Rambling mess that is now out…
Sometimes the urge to write about anything is simply a nuisance. What you did here, is simply share your thoughts and sometimes that is good.
And the comma is perfect.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I think part of it is the loneliness… I don’t really have anyone to talk to offline… so when I talk with friends here, it’s less lonely…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I get it…
LikeLiked by 1 person
You aren’t alone. Hardly anyone ever actually “listens” to me. In real life or on social media. And my mind NEVER stops running rampid.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I would love to know how to stop the mind racing. The only time it’s not happening is when I’m asleep. Or it’s still happening but I’m not aware of it…!
LikeLike
I’m the same way. The only time my mind stops is when I’m drawing. Sometimes when I’m writing. I don’t draw much anymore. Even in my sleep my mind does things it shouldn’t you know?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah… I know. Sometimes I get a little break if I get really involved in a design… or when writing (although lately I’ve been having trouble with that…)… and sometimes if I get really involved in a tv show or movie. Basically, I need a really good distraction!
LikeLike
Agreed. It’s when we have to force ourselves to do something good for ourselves or even to keep fighting that we find out how strong we really are.
LikeLiked by 1 person
There’s plenty of us out here who don’t mind being talked to, or even talked AT. The blog wasn’t pointless, nor was the comma! Hope the daughter situation remains good. Hugs as ever.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks… I’m frustrated (again) with feeling stuck on the shop… and how to finish fixing the resumé… It’s been at least 2 weeks now…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve spent the same time, and more, writing a job description/person spec/advert etc so we can both feel frustrated together!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ok, first of all, told you she’d work it out. You’re daughter sounds wise beyond her years. She figured it out, even though the douche apologized.
Secondly, as far as your résumé goes, maybe include what tasks you did, even if for no cost to your friends and family. Give a snippet about it, but stay somewhat vague. Say what the project was, like “responsible for creation of a graphic design for stationary used during a special event”. Ya’ know?
And lastly, I despise the Reader View as well. I try and keep my site looking pretty good. I love the background color changes I get based on the colors in the header pic, etc. On the new format, nobody sees any of it. Kinda lame. 😒
LikeLiked by 1 person
I see it. 🙂 For the blogs I follow closely, I get the posts emailed to me so I click into the post every time… I always see yours.
And yes… the Reader sucks. I even contacted WP about it at one point… I asked them what the fuck (didn’t use that word but wanted to) was the point of them having all these themes and options but then having a Reader where none of that shows so people never see it?!? It makes no sense. Even the fonts I choose for my blog… those don’t show in the Reader… nor does my header or the sidebar or anything else I’ve customized. I hate that so much.
I still have a bit of concern over my daughter’s friend thing… because they are being friends now and I don’t want this to happen again. And today after school, she asked me if she would be allowed to go if invited to this friend’s birthday party. I told my kid I wasn’t sure how to answer that. I feel bad saying no if she wants to go… but on the other hand… I’m just not sure if she should. And I’m betting my husband will say no. So yeah… no idea what to do with that. We saw her mother walking up toward the school on our way out this afternoon and she waved to my daughter. Doesn’t seem like there are any hard feelings… but still…
(Yeah… wise beyond her years… she already acts 14 or 15… can’t wait ’til she actually gets there… god help me.)
And thanks for the resume idea. For one thing, “special event” sounds way better than party!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha! I’m more the “party” type than the “special event” type, so party sounds fine to me. 😃
I don’t know. If it were one of my boys, I’d talk to them, make sure they get the reality of the situation, that the turd is not to be trusted and that she’ll likely become a turd again in the future. I’d let them go, with the pledge that if any nonsense occurs, you call me, and I’ll come get ya’. Otherwise, be aware of the drama swirl that hovers over the other kids head and treat her as such.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, I’d say party, too… but for the resumé, special event sounds better… 🙂
Yeah, I guess I could let her go. I have to talk to my husband. He may veto it. I’m not sure…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I would understand if he does. Remember, I don’t have any girls. It’s different with a girl. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes… everything is. Funny how I wanted a girl so badly…
Then again, I have stress and worries over the boy, too, so… doesn’t really matter…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep, just a whole different category of worries. 😃
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know I’m a little late commenting on this one, so I’ll be brief and just echo what everyone else has been saying: I’m glad your daughter is friends again with this girl but I’m also glad she has a great head on her shoulders (a testament to your parenting skills!) and won’t be forgetting the horrible things that happened.
For the freelance thing, there are many ways to spin that. I like how sonofabeach put it! 🙂
As for your stores: best of luck on them! Starting up anything new is always scary and I’m glad that you are taking that leap 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks. I’m glad my daughter is being cautious… but I do fear that will wear off… but I won’t forget!
Hopefully I will figure out the rest…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just keep writing S. We love keeping up with you. I do think things will get better. Hang in there. I’m happy the girl apologized. Your daughter is smart just like you 💜
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my daughter is better at dealing with people than I am! I don’t know where she gets that… because it’s not from me! ❤
LikeLike