Some thoughts about writing… while I subconsciously assess my mood…
I really hate to jinx myself, but I think my writing is going pretty well. I already said this… but I have to say it again — I truly think the support, feedback, comments, and reactions from all of you drives me… or inspires me… or encourages me… or all of those.
However, I’m still questioning my level of fiction sharing. It’s not just about stuff like this. It’s also about holding some things back… keeping some things to myself… because if I share it all, well, you don’t need the cow if I give you the milk for free. (Is that the expression?) However, I don’t know if I will ever have the cow anyway… so it’s hard to make a decision.
It would be fabulous if I could earn something from all this writing I do (any of it, really… fiction, poetry, random blog stuff). Yeah, that’d be swell. But it’s highly unlikely.
I find the whole concept of publishing (‘the cow’, see above) — traditional or self — to be incredibly overwhelming. (Self — at least 90% marketing – NOT my thing; Traditional — like winning the lottery – NOT bloody likely) When I read about it (and I read a lot about it), I always end up really anxious. I read about it this morning… and I’m anxious as fuck right now. I don’t think I’m cut out for any of that.
I’ve said it before… I don’t have the confidence or the drive. I just like to write. ‘They‘ say that to be happy, you should turn your hobby into your career. Riiight. Like that’s so easy… or even possible. Please. If my hobby was fucking accounting, sure. (Filthy mind at work: If my hobby was fucking, well… that’s also a problem, career-wise.) But writing? The damn Hallmark Channel isn’t going to hire me to write their next cheesy romance movie. (Not dissing those movies… I’m all about the romance… and the happy ending.)
So… why not share it all here? I don’t know. Maybe I still have that little flicker of a dream of ‘selling’ my work… and if everyone’s already been able to read for free, who the hell would pay? I’m super talented with design (self-taught… another thing I can’t make a career of)… I could make a beautiful .pdf of a story. But no one would buy it. Not sure anyone would even want it if if I gave it away for nothing.
What happens to fiction friday…? Again, I don’t know. But I do know (or highly suspect) that some of my readers visit just for that. If I stop, I’ll lose them. Plus, I like doing that. I don’t want to quit. I could take a short hiatus while I figure it out. But not until after Back To You is finished. I’m not that much of a bitch. It’s not like I have a plan for what comes next when that story is over anyway. But a hiatus might make me sad. UGH. See? I haven’t a clue what to do!
Final assessment: anxious and overwhelmed, a bit confused, but only a little sad…
©2017 what sandra thinks