moody monday. #2 #writing

moody monday.

Some thoughts about writing… while I subconsciously assess my mood…

I really hate to jinx myself, but I think my writing is going pretty well. I already said this… but I have to say it again — I truly think the support, feedback, comments, and reactions from all of you drives me… or inspires me… or encourages me… or all of those.

However, I’m still questioning my level of fiction sharing. It’s not just about stuff like this. It’s also about holding some things back… keeping some things to myself… because if I share it all, well, you don’t need the cow if I give you the milk for free. (Is that the expression?) However, I don’t know if I will ever have the cow anyway… so it’s hard to make a decision.

It would be fabulous if I could earn something from all this writing I do (any of it, really… fiction, poetry, random blog stuff). Yeah, that’d be swell. But it’s highly unlikely.

I find the whole concept of publishing (‘the cow’, see above) — traditional or self — to be incredibly overwhelming. (Self — at least 90% marketing – NOT my thing; Traditional — like winning the lottery – NOT bloody likely) When I read about it (and I read a lot about it), I always end up really anxious. I read about it this morning… and I’m anxious as fuck right now. I don’t think I’m cut out for any of that.

I’ve said it before… I don’t have the confidence or the drive. I just like to write. ‘They‘ say that to be happy, you should turn your hobby into your career. Riiight. Like that’s so easy… or even possible. Please. If my hobby was fucking accounting, sure. (Filthy mind at work: If my hobby was fucking, well… that’s also a problem, career-wise.) But writing? The damn Hallmark Channel isn’t going to hire me to write their next cheesy romance movie. (Not dissing those movies… I’m all about the romance… and the happy ending.)

So… why not share it all here? I don’t know. Maybe I still have that little flicker of a dream of ‘selling’ my work… and if everyone’s already been able to read for free, who the hell would pay? I’m super talented with design (self-taught… another thing I can’t make a career of)… I could make a beautiful .pdf of a story. But no one would buy it. Not sure anyone would even want it if I gave it away for nothing.

What happens to fiction friday…? Again, I don’t know. But I do know (or highly suspect) that some of my readers visit just for that. If I stop, I’ll lose them. Plus, I like doing that. I don’t want to quit. I could take a short hiatus while I figure it out. But not until after Back To You is finished. I’m not that much of a bitch. It’s not like I have a plan for what comes next when that story is over anyway. But a hiatus might make me sad. UGH. See? I haven’t a clue what to do!

Final assessment: anxious and overwhelmed, a bit confused, but only a little sad… 

©2017 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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42 Responses to moody monday. #2 #writing

  1. Meg says:

    Hi, my friend. I missed you. Finally pulling myself out of the doldrums and visiting some of you guys today. I’m sorry to hear about your fiction woes. I think all of us that put our writing out there run the risk of having it pilfered. Nevertheless, if push comes to shove you can prove ownership. I’m pulling all my fiction off the blog little by little, though. The short stories are going to be collected and published and the WWI story too. Like you said on your previous post, why buy the cow when you get the milk free? I have some catching up to do with the Dani/Adam story so I hope you don’t delete it just yet!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. The V Pub says:

    I’m with you. The marketing thing is daunting. I feel as though so much energy goes to creative process, that there’s precious little left for things like bookkeeping and marketing.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I don’t what to tell you about publishing and stealing or any of that. But, I hope you continue to share some of it. Just a question, but have you considered a children’s book? For publishing, that is. And you could design all the scenes and such yourself?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Marquessa says:

    Glad to hear the writing is going well…😚 My 2 cents? If you feel uneasy about stealing, post less and just post stuff that you may be less attached to. And I agree with the cow/milk. My email subscribers will eventually get free stories, etc and only teasers on the blog. And you only need to write for the most important person…you. No need to publish at large if thst’s not your goal right?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Damn, I don’t know if I have anything that I’m less attached to! Haha 😀 I guess part of my dilemma with what I do and do not share is that I’d love to be published but I don’t think I’m capable of all it takes to get there. I guess it’s a fantasy goal of mine… but probably not a realistic one. I get incredibly overwhelmed when I think about it.

      I know I need to find some confidence somewhere, but I don’t have it… and I’m honestly not sure it’s something I can get.

      I kind of hate the cow/milk thing. It just makes me feel like I’m stupid to give everything away… whether I ever publish or not. I mean, when people tell me I’m good, I feel like I’m an idiot not to try to publish. I just know myself too well. I always have these fantasies but I can’t get myself to do what it takes to make them happen (and not just with writing)… which is why I call them fantasies, not goals…


  5. mandibelle16 says:

    Your blog has more on it than Friday Fiction. You also write excellent poetry and I think you use your blog to vent and relieve emotional pressure and anxiousness. It’s valuable for everything. I hope you are not discouraged by copycats or by the whole publishing process. I think I’ve said it before but all you can do is go through one day at a time. Each day a little progress no matter how small can be made and over time, that adds up. Don’t scare yourself with the future focus on the now & just what u can do today,


    Liked by 1 person

    • I definitely have struggles with focusing on now… it seems my head is always full of regrets from the past… or worries about the future. I think the thing with the fiction is that I really don’t want to stop posting it… but then I think that if I ever did decide to publish, I’d regret sharing everything. I guess I need to find some middle ground…

      Thanks for the support. I appreciate it very much.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m thinking maybe if there’s a story you really might like to publish, keep that off the blog. Just do shorter things or excerpts.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: fiction friday 73: but it’s non-fiction. | what sandra thinks

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