I’m feeling good. Though I always have that touch of fear… that worry… that it’s not going to last. And that’s true… it won’t. I have ups and downs. I won’t be up forever. When I’m down, I can’t imagine up… I think I’m never going to get there. When I’m up, I’m scared of being down again. It sucks because, really, when can I just relax and feel good? I can’t. But right now… despite the worrying… I’m feeling good.
I’m having some trouble writing. Do I need to feel bad to write? Do I need to be down? I don’t know… but I can’t seem to write anything decent. I have trashed so many posts in the last week that I’ve lost count. They just suck so much. Even this post… I already hate it. Maybe I couldn’t write because it was the weekend… or maybe it’s just… something else. I feel kind of empty… even though I’m not down. ??? I cannot explain myself…
My fiction project… the one I’ve been posting for fiction friday… I’m stuck. I’ve written the next part 4 times… I’m in the middle of version 5… and I’m not happy with any of them. They’re all just… disappointing. Disappointing for me… as I’m sure they would be for you… if I posted any of them. I need to move on to version 6 but I don’t know that it will turn out any better.
I think if I was writing the story again from the start, I’d make some changes along the way so where I am now would be a bit different. But I didn’t plan this out ahead of time. I’m writing it as I go… mostly. I always had a basic plot, with some detail… because I wrote a mediocre version of the whole story several years ago.
But now… I have 3 different things I want to happen… but they can’t all happen. At most, I could have 2 of them. But even then… I’m not sure it will work. But if I don’t include this one thing, I feel like it’s a fail. But I don’t want it to seem unnatural either. Aaargh! I think I’ve written myself into a corner and I don’t know how to get out… not without backing up and rewriting half the story. I’m stuck. And I don’t want it to suck.
And the ending… well… I fucking hate endings. But I’m going to end this post… because I hate it!
Maybe this should be a thing… Monday’s Mood? Moody Monday? (Does that work if I’m moody every day?) I could check in with myself and see what’s going on in my head… and share it with all of you because my brain is an adventure and I’m sure you’ll be fascinated. Yeah, I know… it’s probably more scary than fascinating.
©2017 what sandra thinks
what sandra thinks 
God, girl you need to relax and take a deep breath.
Trust your guts and you will know your next move!:)
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I know… I’m worrying too much about this. I’m going to try to do something different today… even if it’s trying to write something other than my current fiction piece. 🙂
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Monday is a weird thing. Even stranger is im never inspired to write until i get to work. Its like all of the pressure makes my mind wantvto numb itself eith fantasys.
And about being good enough, i feel you. I know im a good writer but the doubt says “nobody will read this”. Even tougher when friends and family aremt excited about my work all the time. Anyway. Awesome share i started my day feeling just this, moody hoping that my writing was a way out.
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Before I got laid off from my job, I was the same way! I always had all these ideas I’d jot down while at work. Why do the thoughts and the inspiration always come at the wrong time??
I am the same about my writing. I know I’m a good writer… or I guess I am because people have told me I am. But offline, no one cares about my writing… I’m okay with that to a point, but it also feels kind of crappy sometimes!
Hope you have a good day!
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when I’m offline, I still care about your writing 😛
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Cute. 🙂 And thank you.
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I’m glad that you are good lately! But also sad that you are so torn about your writing. Maybe a little break will help? Or just keep writing all those posts that you feel are garbage until you get to something good? lol Moody Mondays sound like a great idea!! hehe I love it!
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The Moody Monday thing would be interesting… since my moods seem to change so much. If I do it… after a few months, it’d be interesting to look back.
I think I do need a break. At least from that particular piece of fiction. But… I still want to have the next part ready by Friday! No idea if that’s going to happen…
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Breathe! You kept saying you “need” to do this or that. No, you don’t. The more pressure you put on yourself, the more stuck you’re gonna be. It’s like fighting against a riptide. Just relax, clear your mind, accept that you feel good today, don’t worry about tomorrow. Relax. Have a cup of coffee, go for a walk, play with your kids. It’ll come to you. 😃
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I guess maybe ‘need’ isn’t really the right word. I want to write this thing and I want it to be good. I suppose I don’t need to… but I want to. As far as the mood thing… sometimes I really do think I write better when I’m down. But there’s a little bit of middle ground because if I’m too down, everything I write is scary.
I think I need to get the whole next part of the story out of my head and start over without looking back at what I wrote before at all. I can’t seem to do that. I keep peeking back at certain lines I feel have to be there… certain things that need to be said. But when I look back like that, I end up with almost the same thing I wrote before… and I’m still not happy with it. I need to start fresh. I don’t know why that’s so hard…!
I guess getting away from writing completely might help… but I don’t really want to. 🙂 I’m so difficult.
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Like I’ve said, I’m no writer, so I don’t know how you get to where you want to go. But we all go through dry spells. Anyone who creates will at one time or another. Look for inspiration everywhere. It’ll come. 😊
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Well… my daughter wants to bake cookies now… so I guess I’ll be distracted anyway… 🙂
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Ha! As distractions go, cookies and kids are good ones! Keep plugging away at the writing. When you get your mojo, you’ll be fine. You’ll see. 😃
In the meantime, enjoy those cookies. 😃
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And I’ve been on a health kick lately. Damn kids. Saboteurs!
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Hahaha! That they are! But, cookies have eggs in them, so it’s healthy….right? 😃
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Of course! 😃
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All bets are off when justifying. 😃
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This is lovely advice 🎯
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It is… I know. I’m just impatient and frustrated! 🙂
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I’m sorry. My comment was not meant to offend. I took the advice more personally for my own life right now.
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Oh no! I’m not offended at all! I’m sorry if it came across like that! 🙂
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No no i thought I offended you 😲😅
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Not at all! 🙂
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Thanks. Of course, not being a writer, I have no clue if it’s accurate. I hope so though. 😃
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It is. For me personally it was spot on 😄
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Good! I’m glad to hear that. 😊
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Take a breather. Just keep writing even if it sucks. I have the same problem for a few weeks now like everything I write is crap and it is crap. Quite frustrating so I decided to just do something else that is fun 😊 Just relax for awhile.
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It seems like relaxing… thinking about something else… doing something else should be easy, doesn’t it? I find it hard to do that sometimes, though. I think I want this fiction piece to be good so badly that I’m having trouble taking my focus off it.
You’re right, though, I think. I am going to keep writing even if it sucks. I know I should take a break completely but I don’t know if I can! 🙂
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You’re too invested in what you do, break away from it for awhile, take a walk or something then get back on it when you’re refreshed 😊
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I stayed away from it all day today! 🙂
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You’ve written yourself into a corner and can’t get out? Sounds like one of those lifeline commercials. 😀 Don’t press it. Writers block sucks when it strikes and those no easy way out of it. I suggest a ride to the beach and something yummy at Kelly’s. That’ll help.
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That’s a fabulous suggestion. Not sure I’ll make it today… but I think it would be good. For me and for the kids, too. Their bickering is driving me mad. 🙂
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Don’t forget to feed the sea gulls!
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Feed them my children? 😛 I’m kidding. I swear!! 😀
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lol! That was dark! But very funny, too! No, the fries that you’re going to get with that delicious roast beef sandwich. 🙂
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Of course. No children. I promise. 😃
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Then you may have a sandwich.
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I totally know how you feel! I have the exact same struggle, but I always keep posting and that makes it even worse because I can’t stop thinking about how horrible my post is and I end up being anxious all day. Also, if you ever think your darkness feeds your creativity & without it you’d lose your creativity google “the fear about losing your darkness” by Diana C. Pitaru (I guess you’ll find it somehow) it’s just a 2 minute read but her point of view is very good.
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It’s good to know I’m not alone but I don’t wish this feeling on anyone! Of course, I’ve come to know that darkness is a part of me and it’s not going anywhere even if I want it to… And I don’t want it to. It’s just the sad, overly low moments I could do without! I’m gong to look up your suggestion. Thanks! 🙂
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I think I know how you feel. I’ve been at a standstill lately and I’m feeling like I don’t want to try, like I’m afraid nothing good will flow out. It’s aggravating as he’ll, isn’t it?
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It is super frustrating! I baked cookies with my daughter yesterday instead of writing… that kept my away from it at least for a while. Maybe try writing about how you feel… about this? That’s what I did in this post… don’t know if it helped but at least words came out… 🙂
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I just took some pictures of my plants and posted. It felt good to write something!
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Pictures are helpful when having trouble writing. Great idea! And your pictures are wonderful. I’m jealous of anyone good at gardening… as I am not! 🙂
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Whatever we plant has to be super easy for me. I’ll pull weeds occasionally but hubby picks out and plants the veggies. He grew up on a farm so Ieave that to him
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Oh that’s cool. Mom shares her stuff with me, so that’s good! 🙂
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Sandra,
I think whatever you write, it’s gonna be well received by your blogging community. What’s that I read you should do, get your thoughts down and don’t worry with edits. What you don’t like others might like and if you’re stuck then maybe your readers can point you in a direction that you like. I’d love to create adult fictions or to even put my memories down in an interesting way but I find I stumble to arrange my thoughts into an acceptable post to share. This is something I hope to change soon, though. I finally came to the decision to just put whatever I come up without there for others to enjoy. If nothing else it will sparkle another’s memories to fill his/her senses, maybe even putting a smile on the face of the reader. Monday’s don’t have to be moody. They can be filled with mewsic instead. Why not come dance with me with “Freebie Week-Your Choice” tunes on Monday’s Music Moves Me (Aug. 7th)! Have a good day, my friend!
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I love the idea of “Monday’s Mood” – I believe it daily things like that….of course that’s why I have Mullet Monday and Hump Day Shenanigan’s. Wish I could come up with something for everyday but time is limited. I love all of your moods…it’s what makes you intriguing and mysterious 🙂
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Sometimes my moods are thoroughly exhausting… because there are so many of them and they change so often. I usually don’t know what I’m going to get… It’s mysterious alright! Even to me!
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an ending to somewhere leads to an opening some place else.
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