[Disclaimer: I don’t want anyone to be offended… Please know that. I am sure some of you actually enjoy this stuff. I mean, some of you must or it wouldn’t still be out there. I don’t understand it, but everyone is not me (we should all be thankful for that). My intention is not to attack anyone or anyone’s opinion. It’s just me with my extreme feelings on the subject.]
r | ‘reality’ television
Who the fuck watches this shit? [And when I ask that, I seriously do not know who watches it… or why… and to me, it’s shit. But again… if you love it, go nuts.]
I can’t talk about all of them because I’m going to hurt someone. Maybe myself. But I have to just… ugh… I don’t even know where to begin.
The Real World… which was never real. Was that the start of this reality nightmare? Do I have MTV to blame for everything? All I remember is the sound bite I heard again and again… ‘There is nothing real about The Real World.’ Shocking.
The ‘Survivors’ are going to survive no matter what. I don’t care who can do stupid things better. [Is that even what happens? I don’t know anyone who watches this anymore.]
I’m sort of okay with shows like Top Chef and The Amazing Race. They kind of have a brain… I’ve never watched either, but that’s the impression I get. And Mom watches The Amazing Race so that’s got to be okay.
That ‘The Voice’ exists isn’t so bad either. [And thank god we’re finally rid of American Idol. At least The Voice has cool chairs and hot Adam Levine.] BUT… what ever happened to real struggling musicians working their asses off playing dive bars and shit until they fucking earn it? And Gwen Stefani is annoying as fuck. [Who the hell gives up Gavin Rossdale for Blake ‘I’m a dick’ Shelton?] Speaking of… Blake Shelton is easily one of the most dick celebrities ever. I don’t watch The Voice, but on talk shows and even just promos… god damn… he is an ass. I cannot stand him. He’s earned a place on the PCF.
[The PCF or ‘plane crash flight’ is the flight which will crash and burn while loaded with passengers of my choosing. Like Taylor Swift and Cameron Diaz. Oh damn, I need to dedicate a post to the PCF!]
What is the point of Dancing With the [washed up] Stars? I don’t want to see these people, dancing or otherwise. In some cases, it totally creeps me out. Just… no. And come on… every season there is someone… or a couple of someones… who have a clear advantage because of their previous career/experience. Or maybe not. I don’t know. I don’t care.
Big Brother is watching but it has nothing to do with this stupid show. Voting and teaming up and keys and shit? I have no idea what the fuck is going on. I had a friend (who has since moved far away… boo…) who used to watch this show. If I was at her place, I had to sit through it. But really, I was usually in the kitchen making nachos or something.
I don’t even know what to say about The Kardashians. Why does this show exist? Because of Kim’s ass? I don’t understand. I’m going to pretend this doesn’t exist and move on.
Then there are shows like Teen Mom. Does no one see that this is basically an advertisement for teen pregnancy? Aww… look… a cute baby! I want one! UGH. How the fuck is this on television? How is this okay?
The Apprentice? Please. I CANNOT even go there. Fuck that show.
And finally… the worst of all…
No ‘Bachelor’ or ‘Bachelorette’ is ever going to truly fall in love through a fucking ‘reality’ show. It pains me to know people like the ones on these shows exist. I have never watched an episode of either of these but the clips show up… promos, late night shows… I cannot escape it. This is the worst of the worst. It makes me embarrassed to be an American. It makes a mockery of falling in love and if you know me, you know I am not okay with that. No. Wrong. Fail.
I don’t want to know any of this ‘reality’. I want to escape to some fictional place and laugh or cry or scream… I miss the days of actual fictional comedies and dramas that didn’t get cancelled after three episodes if everyone on earth didn’t watch. I miss when it felt like we were seeing what was good… not what was cheap to produce. That’s the reality I like.