Coldplay again. I love Chris Martin’s voice. I don’t know what it is… there are just some men I could listen to forever… and Chris is one of them.
This song… I try to believe his every word. It hurts that I can’t quite get there. Oh hell, it hurts that I even have to try. I should just be there already. A demon for every day. The moment I realize I’ve had a day without one, it appears. Like magic. Crappy magic. It’s like I have to wait for those demons to give me permission to have a day without them. But as I wait, they are ever-present. They have to be… to grant permission. But damn, do they like to hold it back.
Well. That was deep.
This is actually a very hopeful song…
When I counted up my demons
Saw there was one for every day
With the good ones on my shoulders
I drove the other ones away
So if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I’ll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything’s not lost
When you thought that it was over
You could feel it all around
And everybody’s out to get you
Don’t you let it drag you down
‘Cos if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I’ll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything’s not lost
If you let this keep playing when it goes silent around 5:30, there’s a short ‘hidden’ track… also beautiful.
what sandra thinks 
Gotta break free of the little demon and tell it to eff off! Love the song!
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Yes… I do! I’m glad you like the song… ☺
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I Iike Coldplay, too! Nice choice…
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Thanks… Glad you enjoyed it… ☺
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I’ll limit my level of perky today, and just say: you control those demons, not the other way around. Tell ’em to shut the fuck up! 😃
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Yeah… I know. It works that way for healthy people… It’s so hard to explain that it just doesn’t work that way in my head. I wish it would… you have no idea how frustrating it is to know how to fix something but not be able to just do it. It messes up too many parts of my life…
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Any luck lately with the therapist?
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I stopped going. All I was doing was wasting money. It was “a break” but I honestly don’t know if I’m going back. Shit, even my NP told me she didn’t think I was in the right frame of mind right now and she thinks I would be wasting money if I went back now. I really don’t know anything except that I saw him for weeks and weeks and I don’t know that anything has changed in my head at all…
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I hear ya. What does your NP say about all this?
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Still making some med adjustments… had a side effect issue so I’m not sure where we are now. I feel pretty decent most of the time which is definitely an improvement… but I still have some pretty dark periods of hopelessness… Again, though, I think less than I used to…
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That’s good…so long is it doesn’t make you numb, or totally divergent personality wise. It really could be a chemical imbalance. Maybe meds are what’ll help, when dosages are right.
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Oh, she is sure it’s a chemical imbalance. She reminds me every time I see her that this is “not my fault”… which I never fully believe.
I always think I somehow just can’t do things or think about things the way I should because of something I should be able to just change… because I’m, like, not trying hard enough or I over think it…
And she says yes, it’s true that I can’t do certain things or /think certain ways — because I have an illness… which is not my fault. Like, would I blame myself if I had cancer? Of course not. (Extreme example…)… Yet I blame myself for this. I blame myself for having this since I was a teenager… and I blame myself for still having it.
Intellectually, I understand all of this perfectly. And I understand what I should do… how I should think. But I can’t do it… it’s messed up and frustrating as hell!
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Dang, man. You’re gonna exhaust herself…if you haven’t already. I get it though. Both as participant, and a spectator. I have always had issues of self-worth, from childhood on. Even into my married life. And, I watched my wife suffer to great depths after her mom died unexpectedly. I know what it’s like to beat myself up and convince myself that I….can’t, she….couldn’t, it…won’t. And not being able to help her, when she needed me most. I couldn’t….fix it? Broke my heart. I get it.
Let me ask you this: what makes you happy? What makes you want to get outta bed each day? Or, what would make you want to get outta bed each day?
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Hey… I sent you an email. 🙂
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I like Coldplay. Chris Martin does have an interesting voice with mystery and character.
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Glad you liked this!
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Wow I needed this today. I relate
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I’m so glad it came at the right time for you…
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I am having such a shitty time with my family it feels like I can’t get past certain things no matter how hard I try
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I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope things settle down soon… ❤
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Love Coldplay, great song choice too. Hugs!
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I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
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Love Coldplay and this song too. What a great choice. Take it easy hey? xo
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Thanks, M. xo
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I love Coldplay! Yellow. Fix You. Sky Full Of Stars. Trouble. Up & Up. AHHHHH. Music is everything, a balm to an aching soul. Keep listening to music and don’t lose hope!
P.S. Hang in there, I hope things get better for you soon. xx
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Thanks so much for stopping by and being so kind.
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