I have a dirty mind. I find the naughty and the dirty in everything. I guess that’s just the way I roll. Filthy… mind in the gutter… incredibly immature. Yep. That’s me.
My favorite is unintentional dirty. Those accidental words or gestures that you don’t realize are incredibly dirty until it’s too late? Hilarious. I know, I’m like a 13-year-old.
The accidental naughtiness seems rampant in my house. But maybe that’s just my skewed view because I have such a dirty mind. I manage to find the filth with ease… out of my own mouth, John’s, and sometimes even the kids. Thankfully, they are usually lost and have no idea why I’m laughing.
8 things that seem dirty but [probably] aren’t.
1. I wanted to see the globes.
The Golden Globes. Maybe. Come to think of it, I seriously doubt John meant the awards. Unless he means these two prizes under my shirt…
2. Mmm… these nuts are salty and delicious.
Peanuts. Although, saying ‘salty, delicious peanuts’ quickly is a whole new dirty.
3. I have to lick it really fast or it’ll drip all over me.
Talking about ice cream here, people.
4. I can take care of your box tomorrow.
You know, drop it off at the post office. But only if you take care of my box when you get home, love…
5. Once you’re done stripping, let me know.
The bed… stripping the bed…
6. Mommy, how long am I going to have to suck on it before I get to the yummy center?
I swear to God, the kid was asking about her Tootsie Pop.
7. Nick and I were going to play that game at recess, but he didn’t have his balls today.
Baahahahaa. Oh Zach… Maybe tell your pal Nick he shouldn’t leave home without his balls.
8. A picture: Every night while it’s running, my dishwasher speaks to me. Flashing the same thing at me… taunting me…
In December, I tried to tell myself it was a message from Santa, but I know the truth… even my appliances know the real me.
Yeah. HO. HO. HO. I get it, you filthy appliance. Quit mocking me!