eight things that seem dirty but aren’t.

clean. dirty.

I have a dirty mind. I find the naughty and the dirty in everything. I guess that’s just the way I roll. Filthy… mind in the gutter… incredibly immature. Yep. That’s me.

My favorite is unintentional dirty. Those accidental words or gestures that you don’t realize are incredibly dirty until it’s too late? Hilarious. I know, I’m like a 13-year-old.

The accidental naughtiness seems rampant in my house. But maybe that’s just my skewed view because I have such a dirty mind. I manage to find the filth with ease… out of my own mouth, John’s, and sometimes even the kids. Thankfully, they are usually lost and have no idea why I’m laughing.

8 things that seem dirty but [probably] aren’t.

1. I wanted to see the globes.

The Golden Globes. Maybe. Come to think of it, I seriously doubt John meant the awards. Unless he means these two prizes under my shirt… 

 2. Mmm… these nuts are salty and delicious.

Peanuts. Although, saying ‘salty, delicious peanuts’ quickly is a whole new dirty. 

 3. I have to lick it really fast or it’ll drip all over me.

Talking about ice cream here, people. 

 4. I can take care of your box tomorrow.

You know, drop it off at the post office. But only if you take care of my box when you get home, love…

 5. Once you’re done stripping, let me know.

The bed… stripping the bed… 

 6. Mommy, how long am I going to have to suck on it before I get to the yummy center?

I swear to God, the kid was asking about her Tootsie Pop.

 7. Nick and I were going to play that game at recess, but he didn’t have his balls today.

Baahahahaa. Oh Zach… Maybe tell your pal Nick he shouldn’t leave home without his balls. 

 8. A picture: Every night while it’s running, my dishwasher speaks to me. Flashing the same thing at me… taunting me…

In December, I tried to tell myself it was a message from Santa, but I know the truth… even my appliances know the real me.

ho.

Yeah. HO. HO. HO. I get it, you filthy appliance. Quit mocking me!

 

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About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves music, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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19 Responses to eight things that seem dirty but aren’t.

  1. Haylee says:

    Love it! I’m the same as you and when you work in a school, that can be VERY problematic! ‘Miss, why are you and Mrs. H laughing so much?’
    ‘Erm…!’ 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  2. lolabipola says:

    LOL!!! I love a dirty mind! Mine is absolutely filthy! Today my daughter nearly broke my friends arm, so this evening she says, “mommy, I nearly broke his bone” – I nearly pee’d myself!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is great! I also would associate all those statements with something dirty. Although, the box one a few years ago I wouldn’t have. I said something about “stretch out the box” in a class during teachers college and my entire table just exploded into giggles. Now I know….

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Tikeetha T says:

    LOL. This was hilarious. Sharing it now.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Love this and I totally get it! .. I have to order ‘creeping crack cure’ for work and I can never do it without laughing

    Liked by 2 people

  6. mschrysalis says:

    I remember having a toilet that ran constantly. The remedy was to shake the handle. One day a male friend trotted of to use our bathroom and I yelled after him, “Be sure and shake it.”

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Hahaha! Yes! I love it! I swear my address is Gutter. Just mail to Stephanie, 1 Gutter Way, Gutterana, United States of Gutterdom. I’m very much an accidental naughty laughy person. Those are the best. Anyone who doesn’t agree sucks the big one. “That’s what she said!”

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hahahaha! My son was eating some leftover Christmas candy yesterday and there were these little round things… and from the kitchen I hear him say to my daughter… “No, don’t try to steal my balls! Now they’re rolling away! I’m gonna lose my balls!”

      I seriously almost had a laughing-related injury.

      Liked by 1 person

      • HAHAHAHAHA! YES! Oh man. Oo oo this reminds me of something a former coworker once told me. We have to wear badges at work, and some of us wear them on these little round things that clip to your belt, and cord inside can extend and retract. You get the idea. Well his daughter (about 7 at the time, I think) loved to play with it.

        One day they were in the grocery store, and she says (in a loud 7 year old voice), “Daddy, daddy, where’s your thingy? I WANNA PLAY WITH YOUR THINGY NOW!”

        He said he’d have dropped dead on the spot if looks could kill. He had to take her home and try to gently persuade her to stop calling it a THINGY. 😀

        Liked by 2 people

  8. bipolarfirst says:

    HAHAHAHAHA OMG loved this. I was feeling a bit bummed by the whole ya know raging Stigma thing that we live with and needed something bouncy and fun. This fit the BILL. Perfect.

    Liked by 1 person

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