Over one million words make up the English language. But often, a single word is all it takes to evoke strong emotions inside us. Laughter, tears, anger, encouragement, inspiration, annoyance…
A word that makes me laugh is probably not going to make everyone laugh. [Although, I suppose it might. Let’s try: bunghole. Did you laugh? There is a liquor store with this very name a few towns over from mine. I’m not making this up. And I cannot keep from speaking ‘bunghole’ aloud and laughing every damn time we drive by.] Still, for the most part, we all have different pet words that affect us in different ways.
My husband has developed a habit of constantly using the word absolutely. For some reason, it irks me like mad. I have reached my breaking point. My head may explode the next time that word passes through his lips. Oh, and when I ask how a new top looks or how my hair looks… and his response is… fine. Jesus. I’m forced to retort in my sweetest most ladylike tone, ‘Why, thank you, honey. Fine is exactly what I was going for.’ Which is obviously a big fat lie.
Beyond all of this, though, there is one word that stands above all others. The most magical word of all. The word that makes you feel things… and allows you to express anything. The word that can be used as every part of speech in the English language. The word that transcends all others.
Fuck.
Not only is fuck the most satisfying word to utter, but it is also the most useful. It works for pleasure and pain, for love and hate, and for so much more. I don’t think any other word known to man can master [nearly] every part of speech the way fuck can.
Sit the fuck back and enjoy your fucking delicious coffee. Let us begin, shall we?
Noun.
I don’t give a fuck. Who is that fucker? Don’t be such a fucking fuck. [Woo! Bonus adjective!] What the fuck? [non-fuck Archer alternative: What the shit? I know it’s not fuck, but it’s hilarious and he’s fucking awesome.]
*** It is important to note that fuck can also be combined with a number of other nouns to create entirely new words. For example: fuckhead, fuckface, fucknuts… you get the idea…
Pronoun.
John [no offense to anyone named John] is a moron. Fuck doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
Verb.
Don’t fuck with me. I fucked him in college. Then he fucked everyone. I totally fucked up. So fuck him for being such a fucker. [Woo! Bonus noun!]
Auxiliary Verb.
He’s still fucking sleeping. I may fucking snap.
Adjective.
I’m a fucking genius. She made my fucking day. He is eating my whole fucking pint of ice cream… that fucking fuck! [Woo! Bonus noun!] If you play that fucking song again, I’m going to scream.
Adverb.
I’m too fucking tired for your bullshit. I have to get up fucking early tomorrow. Fucking sad.
Interjection.
Fuck! Fucker! Fuck yeah! Fuck no. Fuckity fuck fuck! [Woo! Bonus made-up word!]
Preposition.
My phone is right fucking there. [Replaces ‘over.’ This counts. right?]
Conjunction.
She is quite pretty, fuck she’s also dumb. [I know, this one’s kind of pushing it. But I don’t fucking care.]
Finally, don’t forget that fuck is good for your health [literally, yes, fucking is good for your health]. And it also helps with transcendental meditation. Upon waking each morning, before you get out of bed, concentrate on your breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth, repeating the mantra: ‘Fuck you…’ Do this 5 times. 10 if you had a fucking rough night.
what sandra thinks 
always. Certainly made my day better
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Yes , this is a very satisfying word 😉
Turtle Hugs
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Enjoyed reading this.. what a versatile word. Some use ‘effing’ instead and it just doesn’t do it for me.
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No way… has to be the real thing! I’m forced to use words like fricking and flipping and other assorted not-the-real-f-word words because of my kids… but truly, it’s pointless. They already know it’s my pet word. I’m just glad they’re smart enough to know not to repeat it. Haha — for now!
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Will you adopt me? 😀
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Sure. Bring your trust fund. And an addition for our house. Hahaha!
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Well fuck me, I’m out. Unless fifty cents and a packet of stale crackers counts as a trust fund? Nah, didn’t think so…. 😀
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Maybe if I ever find a job…. and we can build a nice treehouse? There’s a stream out back… it’s fucking lovely. 🙂
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Oh that sounds awesome! Dude, I just loved your post. 🙂
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Oh hey, I’d love if you came over – I’m trying my first meet & greet and I think more people should meet you if you wanna drop some links over there. This isn’t about promoting me…it’s to promote you and anyone you wanna promote. 🙂
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I did as I was told. Glad to meet everyone there! I need more friends. I’m needy. Sometimes. Unless I want everyone to leave me the fuck alone. ‘Cause that happens sometimes… 🙂
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I hear ya – I’m the exact same way. I hope some of them follow the link on over. You’re awesome, and I know for a fact some of them would love you if they don’t already!
Thanks for visiting and riding the crazy train. 😀
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Bunghole? Hahahahahahahaha!
Your piece ties in really well with this one: http://tonysbologna.com/2015/07/02/social-media-and-the-state-of-fucks/
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Thank you for that — I just clicked over and came back to say… already laughing!
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I loved reading this! I never thought about how many parts of speech the word “fuck” can be! So cool, and a hilarious read 🙂 thank you!
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I can’t believe I was worried about offending people. I mean, maybe I will, but it really is a part of my everyday language… so I’m just being true to myself, right?! 🙂
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Hahaha totally!
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Reblogged this on Risque Bizness: Enter at Your Own Risque.
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https://painkills2.wordpress.com/2015/04/14/people-who-say-fck-a-lot-are-hotter-and-healthier/
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Absolutely fine fucking post.
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Stop it right now! I laughed so hard I fell off the bed! ‘For fuck’s sake’ is a favourite term of mine. Also ‘what the fuck?’ can work quite well in the right context. I can’t believe I’m talking about this, let alone on someone else’s blog, I mean really I don’t think I’d get away with it on anyone else’s blog somehow. I’m imagining all sorts of things now, like
‘When do you go to the fucking funeral?’
‘Fuck me! I didn’t know that was in the Bible!’
‘How’s your fucking newborn?’
Thanks so much Sandra, now you’ve set me off and I’ll be giggling for the next week every time I make a comment on someone’s blog. Oh dear.
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I’m glad it made you laugh! I do try to contain my dirty mouth to places I know everyone is okay with it… But sometimes I slip! I still remember the first time I said fuck in front of my mother… that sort of went poorly…! 😀
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Oh yes I know about that, I got whacked into boarding school for that one, which frightened me so badly I had trouble saying fuck well into adulthood. I only had ‘bother’ to work with for many years, but it doesn’t have the same connatation, does it? Ironically, boarding school was the place I learnt all the bad words and filthy jokes – I must tell my mother what a waste of money that was. Certainly finished my education however!
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