identity neurosis.

Posted on 10 November 2015 by what sandra thinks

I began rewriting my ‘about’ page last week. It was mere coincidence that this exact activity popped up as an assignment for Blogging 101 a couple of days ago.

My original ‘about’ page was fine. But I hate fine. I can only think of a small handful of other words I hate as much in the entire English language. Who the hell strives for fine?

I wrote my fine {shudder} ‘about’ page the same day I published my very first post. And I like my first post way more.

Now that I’ve been at this for two months, I’m more in touch with why I’m here and who I am as a blogger. So, when this showed up as an assignment, I thought, great… I have a head start!

Wrong.

I have started and restarted my rewrite so damn many times I don’t even know who the hell I am anymore. I can tell exactly how frustrated I’ve become because one of the drafts sounded kind of… angry. I scared me.

How can I write something about myself now?

I sought input. I asked my family – my husband, my son, my daughter – to write down 3 to 5 words that come to mind when they think of me. Helpful, right? You tell me…

kid notes.

Very grown up bullet points from my 10-year-old son. Adorable note from my 8-year-old daughter (just turned 8 four days ago) with creative spelling of ‘intelegent’. And let’s not forget my husband…

text.

Priceless. Let me just get started on that page devoted to my smart and talented boobs.

As you can see, my family was astoundingly helpful.

I’ve abandoned the revision… for tonight, anyway. I’m going to go do… um… something else.

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everybody else.

Posted on 9 November 2015 by what sandra thinks

Some days, I want to be everybody else.

I have spoken these very words. And it is never secretly to myself. It’s aloud. And usually kind of bitchy.

I don’t think I can justifiably call myself a novelist, but that doesn’t matter. Like all writers, I read… a lot. And my God, even when I’m in the midst of a book that kind of sucks, I’m still thinking, ‘How was it so easy for [author] to get this book published and on bookstore shelves when I’m struggling to find a better word for giggle?’

Reading these words, though, tweeted to the world by a writer, gives me validation… justification. I cannot be as pathetic as I think if even a real novelist feels this way, right?

I think the real take home for me is the new thought running through my head right now…

While I’m thinking writing is so much harder for me than everybody else, someone else is thinking it’s harder for her/him…

And I become everybody else.

~Writing 101: day 7

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headspace.

Posted on 9 November 2015 by what sandra thinks

I used to write sitting at a gorgeous 60-year-old mahogany desk, carefully and expertly handcrafted by my late grandfather-in-law. It was nestled in the corner of our spare room. I would type away into the night. A big cozy chair beside the desk gave me a place to write when I wanted to sit back and go old-school with pen and paper.

Then we had children.

The spare room was no longer spare. The old beautiful desk had to be relocated to the corner of the living room. The comfy chair is in my bedroom. I still went to that desk and that chair to write, but it was different. Not bad different or good different. Just different.

These days, I think the only constants in my writing space are coffee and music. And me. As long as I can get into my own head… and heart… and other organs, as needed, I am good. Sometimes, distractions arise, but I’m usually able to work through them. Except when someone’s actually talking directly to me and I have to actually listen and respond. Ha! Most of my writing, though, happens after the kids are asleep or while they’re in school. Not as many derailments at those times.

Many writers work in silence (other than the noise in their heads). I have the head-noise, yes, but I also need music. It’s not always the same, but for weeks at a time, it might be. (I have obsessive tendencies when it comes to music.)

I have my red sofa. I have my lovely bed. I have the shower. Words find me in these places. My laptop is on my lap probably a bit too often when I’m on the sofa. I keep a small stack of notebooks and a glass of pens by the bed. And always a pad of post-it notes for the times I wake in the middle of the night and have to jot down ideas I find in my dreams immediately before my defective short-term memory loses them forever. The shower is a tad more challenging. I think of things under the water all the time. I haven’t worked out a way to write those ideas down while in progress. I usually repeat the thought in my head until I’m out and dry enough to run to paper and pen. And yes, my husband has caught me running from shower to bedside completely naked and slightly drippy.

The big suck, though, is being in my headspace to write, coffee in hand, perfect music playing, and… and… nothing. It’s the writers’ equivalent of blue balls. Not that I have any idea how that actually feels since I am a woman.

And so, dear readers and friends and followers… I have created a contact page just for you. What would you like to see me write about? Is there a sentence or phrase or even a single word that you want to share to see where I go with it? Do you want to ask me about my childhood? My overactive fantasy life? Anything. Tell me anything. As me anything. You don’t even have to use your full name… or even your real name. Contact page is here. Or, of course, comment below to your heart’s content.

~Writing 101: day 6

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you ask, I tell.

Posted on 9 November 2015 by what sandra thinks

I’ve been re-tapped by my friend at Sass and Sauce with another Liebster Award nomination. What a sweetheart!

Below are her great questions – I had lots of fun answering! [I’m going to refrain from re-nominating more blogs at this time for fear that this could go in circles forever and ever. And ever. I hope this doesn’t mean I’m going to hell. Not for this, at least…]

(1) What is your favourite book and/or author?

I like funny, romantic, emotional stories. Not like, super cheesy ‘Harlequin’ romances (though I haven’t read one of those since I was a teenager, so who knows?). The Meg Cabot Heather Wells series was so much fun. Though I am not exactly a ‘young adult,’ I enjoyed Anna and the French Kiss (and the 2 sequels) written by Stephanie Perkins. Also, The Sneetches by Dr. Seuss.

(2) What is your spirit animal and why?

Honestly, I had no idea what my spirit animal would be, so I consulted the oracle (Google). I took 5 quizzes and got 5 different outcomes:

Lion – brave but not friendly, intimidating. Not even close!
Owl – wisdom, intuition. I am intelligent, but I usually fuck up decisions anyway.
Wolf – devoted, passionate, fear of being alone, much emotion. This sounds like me.
Cat – independent, curious, drawn to darkness, emotionally deep. Three out of these four traits are accurate. Guess which one isn’t like the others?
Bear – love, wouldn’t go off alone unless it was to find love, love relationships are most important. Totally me… I’m a sappy romantic and wish my life was an actual fairy tale. (Kind of. Sometimes. Well, my version of one…) But I’m not wearing glass slippers. They look painful.

So I guess I’m a bearwolf with a bit of cat. It’s all about love for me – I’m emotional, ruled by the heart, and crave romance and all other forms of love (yes, even that kind).

(3) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Nothing. I am perfect. Ahahaha… ouch… I hurt myself. I wish I was more confident, and therefore, more motivated to go after what I want. I would also like to change my age. I want to go back at least 20 years and have another go.

(4) If you are given a chance to meet one celebrity/author/actor/fictional character, who would it be?

Depends what sort of ‘meeting’ it would be. If it was for coffee, Lorelei Gilmore. If it was for saving the world, Thor/Chris Hemsworth and/or Iron Man. If it was to commit robbery (against, not with), Oprah Winfrey. If it was for singing and making music, Hozier and/or Chris Martin. And finally, if it was for rampant nudity and crazy hot sex, Alex O’Loughlin or whoever this other guy is (if you know, please share!). God help me, how are they real men!?men.

(5) What is it, that gives you instant inspiration when you are stuck in a writer’s rut?

I usually read. Or look at photos – pictures of people or places or even a random meaningful item. Or I lie on my bed in the dark and hope for an inspiring dream.

(6) What are your hobbies apart from writing? Or what do you do in your spare time?

Graphic design (self-taught, though, so I might be doing it ‘wrong’ but my results are still fabulous), reading, taking walks, listening to the music I love, filling online shopping carts which never result in actual purchases, watching favorite television shows, making my kids laugh, dreaming up remodeling ideas for my home that I cannot afford, baking, drinking too much coffee… (I could go on… having been laid off from my job and still being unemployed affords me quite a bit of time… which I often do not spend wisely…)

Much love and appreciation to Sass and Sauce and everyone who visits my blog.

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award winning.

Posted on 8 November 2015 by what sandra thinks

liebster_award_redI received a Liebster Award!

This is my first blogger award, so I’m probably a little more excited than I should be… but I am stunned by and proud of the recognition. Thank you Wandering Soul (click and visit and follow!) for reading my blog and nominating me.

Honestly, when I started blogging, I wasn’t convinced anyone would ever read a word I wrote. I kind of thought my only reader might be… me.

Should I insert my Oscar speech here? Ha. Kidding… really.
[psst… this award is eerily similar to a chain letter… shhh]
 

The Rules:

  • Once you are nominated, make a post thanking and linking the person who nominated you.
  • Include the Liebster Award sticker in the post, too.
  • Nominate 5 -10 other bloggers who you feel are worthy of this award. Let them know they have been nominated by commenting on one of their posts. You can also nominate the person who nominated you.
  • Lastly, COPY these rules into the post.

 
My Answers to Wandering Soul’s Questions:

If you had one superpower, what would it be?
I would want time travel. Definitely not flying – I’m acrophobic – flying might actually kill me. Invisibility might be cool… especially if I could also walk through walls. Ooh, and shapeshifting! I want that. God, I can’t pick just one!

What incident (or thought or experience) first prompted you to write?
Loneliness, I think. I have been writing since I was about 12 years old. Through times when I had tons of friends and times when I had only a couple, I always had this underlying feeling of loneliness. I don’t think it was about physical presence of other people. I think it has always been about my sense that no one fully understands me (including me).  

What is the one thing that you want and the one thing you do not want (from your writing)?
I have always dreamt of being a published author. Like, walk into Barnes & Noble and see my book sitting there on the shelf. But sometimes I wonder if some part of my brain never wants me to succeed with that because I can’t seem to take the steps to get there. (Stupid head demons.) And even if the only place anyone ever reads my writing is on this blog, I hope I make people laugh, feel inspired, feel less alone, and maybe even feel better after reading than before they visited. I do not want… to suck. 

Which is your favourite book and why (or how it influenced you)?
I feel like someone is going to laugh at me for this, but I don’t care. I love funny, romantic, real(ish)-people stories. I adore Meg Cabot’s Heather Wells series (first book is Size 12 Is Not Fat). I laughed… a lot. And I was so sad when I read the last in the series. I could have stayed with those characters forever. I hope someone, anyone, will someday find my characters and my stories as compelling and inviting and funny as I found this series.

Who is your favourite author and one book written by them that you would like to recommend?
I don’t think I have one favorite author. I love quite a few (see last question for one). I’m not going to list them all because I think you may hurt yourselves laughing at me. I just get sucked into books that could be turned into ‘chick flicks.’ And I hate that term! My husband likes so-called chick flicks. They’re not just for chicks. Plus, I’m human, not a bird. And I’m a romantic. I can’t help it. 

What is your criteria for an “ideal write-up/article”?
Do you mean for an ideal blog post? (Not totally sure what you mean!) For blog posts, I go in many different directions. I am happy if I spill out buckets of honesty about more serious matters. And I’m happy if I think what I’ve written may make someone laugh. And when I find courage to post bits of my fiction, I just hope people enjoy it and aren’t thinking, wow, this ‘chick’ sucks. 

What is the one thing that you have learnt from other bloggers and/or their blogs?
I used to have concern that without a one-topic blog, no one would want to read. But I have a common thread. Me. Whether it’s personal, fictional, informative, or just for fun, everything I write is me. And I’ve learned that’s all I need for my blog to have a niche – me… writing.

What article (or post) affected or influenced you most?
Actually, a comment posted to me in the Blogging 101 Commons did wonders for me. Be the Best You said, “Your story is beautiful. Your “niche” is writing, and your “audience” would be readers. It doesn’t have to be super specific. That (writing/readers) is specific enough. You have talent.” I was so touched by this response. Also, when Sass and Sauce posted a comment on my blog. She said she had been stalking my blog and she loved it and I made her laugh. Those are the things that affect me. And this award/recognition feels pretty good, too.

What is the one piece of advice you would like to give to fellow bloggers?
Even if you think you have nothing ‘new’ to say, it doesn’t matter. Do it anyway because you enjoy it. And because no matter how many people have said something before you, none of them were you. You’re voice will still be unique.
 

My Nominees are:

  1. Sass and Sauce
  2. Successfully Stressed
  3. Wanderlushed
  4. The Shameful Sheep (Blair)
  5. Be the Best You

(I hope these are all considered ‘new enough’ because they are awesome!) 
 

My Questions for my Nominees are: 

  • How many different places have you lived and which was your favorite?
  • Describe yourself in 5 words or less.
  • Who is your hero or idol?
  • Where is your favorite place on earth?
  • What is your most-loved childhood memory?
  • What annoys you most?
  • If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, health concerns aside, what would it be?
  • Where would you go on your perfect vacation?

 
Can’t wait to see everyone’s answers!

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graceless.

Posted on 6 November 2015 by what sandra thinks

I’m trying, but I’m graceless
Don’t have the sunny side to face this
I am invisible and weightless
You can’t imagine how I hate this
– from “Graceless” lyrics by Matt Berninger | The National

the national

Some days, every damn thing I do ends in disaster. Oh, it could be something as simple as dropping a glop of water on my foot while emptying the dishwasher. Or it could be accidentally impaling my foot with a toothpick that I didn’t know had fallen on the rug. And when I try to make it to the sink to clean the wound, I walk right into the table leg and further injure myself. Once I’ve bandaged all that requires bandaging, I hit the soap pump to wash my hands and it’s nearly empty so it spurts at me and flies right into my eye.

Many expletives.

One-eye blind. And limping. Graceless.

Those days make me want to pop in my earbuds, lean back on my bed’s headboard in darkness, and listen to some sexy man-voice sing to me. It calms me. Or it excites me in an entirely different and pleasant way… which helps me. Oh, yes, my eye still stings, even after rinsing my contact lens three times. And yes, my foot still hurts like hell. Occasional expletives. But the music… the voice… I am good.

And sometimes I get to go to that special place. For five whole minutes.

Mom… he touched me!
She touched me first!

Yes, I know… everyone’s touchy. And I know… it’s time to make dinner. Chop the vegetables. I’ll be right there. Hopefully I won’t walk into any other furniture. Or chop my finger along with that bell pepper. At least it’s a red bell pepper so any bleeding will be camouflaged nicely. No one will notice my utter gracelessness.

–Writing 101: day 5

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laughter.

Posted on 5 November 2015 by what sandra thinks

A great sense of humor is one of the most attractive qualities in a person. I don’t know how anyone can live without it. I think we all have moments when we have to laugh… or we’d cry. I tend to take that to the next level – my humor often appears at the most inappropriate moments. I feel bad. Kind of. But then, I kind of don’t.

Clearly my kids have inherited my sense of humor or are learning it from me (or both). Earlier today, the kids and I were discussing their mountains of Halloween candy.

My daughter: ‘I don’t like the orange Skittles.’
Me: ‘Yeah, no one wants orange balls.’
My son: ‘That’s not true. I’m sure Ernie wants them.’

Oh God, my son is 10 and already making semi-dirty Sesame Street jokes. My fault.

Last night when my husband (who, FYI, has facial hair but not much left on his head) came home from work, my 7-year-old daughter greeted him with the following gem…

‘Daddy, is it raining or is your head just really shiny?’
I busted out laughing. ‘It’s not raining, honey.’

Yeah, they are definitely my children.

If you want to laugh, I have a collection of stuff I find hilarious [or at least amusing] on one of my Pinterest boards.

This one gets me every time I see it… [and yes, we own that toy…]

Have fun… and lots of laughs.

–Posted for Blogging 101: day 4

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when she knew.

Posted on 4 November 2015 by what sandra thinks

grand central station

“When did you know?” he asked. His fingers gently tucked her hair behind her ear.

“When did I know what?” She knew exactly what he was after but she made him work for it. And she made him smile.

“Oh honey. You know what I mean. When did you know you… wanted me?”

Her smile became a soft laugh. “Well, I wanted you the day we met. I was not expecting all of this…” She ran her fingers slowly up his body from his waist to his heart. “I thought I was going to spend the afternoon lugging furniture and boxes up four flights by myself.”

“And then you tried to impale me.” He laughed at her.

“Hey! That was an accident.”

“I have a scar!”

“Maybe you should have been paying attention to the crazy girl blindly climbing the stairs with a chair.”

“I was paying attention,” he said. “That was the problem.”

She blushed and slid her hand to his neck. “And I always thought you helped me move in because you were kind and sweet…”

“I am kind and sweet.” He laughed softly. “And I’m also a man.”

She smiled. “Yes, you are. A damn gorgeous kind and sweet man… which is why I wanted you about five seconds after we met.” She kissed his mouth. “Is that what you wanted to know?”

“I want to know when you fell in love.”

“Grand Central Station.”

“What?”

“I had to leave. Grandpa died and I had to leave the city. You knew I was a mess. You wanted to come with me but you had finally landed that interview. It was important. I couldn’t let you miss it. So I snuck out.”

“But I couldn’t let you go alone. I snuck out, too.”

She covered his cheek with her hand. “I stood in that station, staring at nothing, people hurrying all around me, and I was alone. Until you magically appeared next to me.”

“It wasn’t magic,” he said, “it was a lot of running and yelling at my driver.”

A tiny laugh fell from her smile. “It was magic. And I fell in love with you.”

“I fell in love with you, too. Before that afternoon at Grand Central.”

“When?”

“I will tell you…” He pulled her closer and kissed her. “Later…”

»»»«««

–Posted for Writing 101: day 4

© 2015 what sandra thinks
Posted in bloggingu, fiction, romance, writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 21 Comments