he didn’t come.
I guess this can be filed under “sandra’s terrible luck with boys/men“.
At the end of my eighth grade year, we had a school dance. It was a tradition at my school. Maybe it was to distract us from the anxiety of starting high school the following year. But I wasn’t anxious about that. I loved school. (I know, nerd.)
Some of my friends had dates for the dance. I thought it would be nice to have one, too. I had a crush on this hot high school guy, but that wasn’t going to happen. I also had a little bit of a crush on a boy in my own grade. I knew he didn’t have a date to the dance so I thought I’d ask him. I wasn’t going to wait around for him (or any boy) to ask me because I didn’t think I was popular enough to be asked. I had to take the initiative if I had any hope of getting a date.
To my surprise, he said yes. Well, more accurately, he said “sure“.
The night of the dance, I made myself pretty and put on my beautiful dress. I waited by the front window for my date to arrive. He was a little late. That’s what I thought. But then he was a little later. Then he was forty-five minutes late. I was in tears. Mom wanted to take me to the dance so I could forget him and have fun with my friends, but I thought I should wait a little longer.
But he didn’t come.
(Not me.)
After an hour, I wiped my tears and made myself pretty again. Mom took me to the dance, and I found a few of my friends shortly after I arrived. They asked why I was so late, and one of them asked where my date was. Telling them he never showed up was humiliating. But my friends were supportive—and very angry with my so-called date.
As my friends and I talked by the bleachers in the school gym, I noticed one of them looking over my shoulder. I said her name a couple of times before she turned to me. When I asked what had her so distracted, she said “nothing“. I knew she was lying, and I was pretty sure I knew why.
When I turned around, I saw my date on the other side of the gym, laughing and having fun with his friends. I stood there watching him, wondering if he’d even notice me. He didn’t. I watched him take a girl by the hand and lead her to the dance floor. One of my friends took my hand and give it a squeeze.
I wondered if I was a joke to him. Did he say yes just so he could stand me up and laugh about it with his friends later? I felt like such a fool. Thankfully, I had amazing friends back then. They made sure I had fun, but what happened stung. I never forgot it. And I never forgave him. Not that he cared.
I think that incident was the start of my terrible luck with boys/men. It was also when I started thinking I’d never be good enough for any guy.
And now, sometimes I wonder—is it really all of them? Or is it me?
(click image to view larger)
—
They would never abandon me. Since they only exist as pictures for me.
p.s. — Seriously, is it me? I think it might be me.
©2022 what sandra thinks
what sandra thinks 
Ugh what a big poop face!!! Gah!
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Right? He could have just said no.
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Exactly!!
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What an absolute jerk. I’d love to say it’s due to being a mutant teenage boy, but I know better that most of us never grow out of it. I was the nice kid…that was never asked to the dance and was too shy to ask others. haha.
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I was a bit more shy about asking after that!
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I would imagine.
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I don’t think it’s you. Guys are just weird, especially at that age.
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At most ages, it seems!
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It’s not you. That guy was an absolute ass. Most of the dances I went to were with my best guy friend. One time, I went with a guy that seemed nice and was somewhat friendly with my brother (they were one year ahead of me). The guy danced with me over, made it PAINFULLY obvious he wasn’t interested in dancing and then when I refused to find a dark corner with him, he went off with his friends. I ended up spending the rest of the dance with my best guy friend. He even took me home. Teenage boys can be absolute assholes. It wasn’t you.
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I’ve just not had much luck with love my whole life. After a while, I start to think it’s me. Maybe not with the teenage boys, but later.
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Have you asked your hubs how he truly feels about you? Both when you were first married and now?
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No. I think I don’t want to ask him because I’d have to reciprocate, and I don’t think I want to talk about my feelings to him.
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When your buried in so much misery, it’s hard to know what you truly feel. If he died tomorrow, how would you feel emotionally? I’m not referring to anxieties about finances or funeral preparations, just feelings. Would you miss him? Would you miss the way he didn’t thank you for cooking him dinner or doing his laundry? Would you miss his laugh?
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I would miss him being around. I don’t have any friends so he is the majority of my adult interactions (offline, anyway). I wouldn’t miss him not thanking me. I don’t think I would miss all the annoying things he does. I’d miss those times that he did things for me because I was too tired, depressed, or in pain to do. But is that missing him? Or is it just missing that someone is here to do those things?
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Those are good questions. Would your situation improve at all if you just part ways?
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I don’t know and I can’t afford to find out. I am unemployed so he is our sole source of income. And with my back pain, I’m not sure I could handle everything without help.
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I understand. I’m sorry.
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What a dummy! Could have just said no!!!
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Maybe it was fate. If he’d turned up you’d have realised he was a total and utter twat, I mean he had to be to stand you up right!
He could have ended up as fertiliser under your weeping willow!
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Hahaha. Okay, that was funny. Thank you for that. : )
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Guys are just dumb. (Coming from a guy)
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