Is it true that everyone has thought about committing suicide at least once in their life?
I’ll be honest. (I don’t know why I always say that. I’m always honest here. Anonymity rocks.) Anyway. I have thought about it many times. I’ve never tried. And now that I have children, it’s not even an option. But damn, some days my kids are the only reason I’m still here. And maybe my cousin is another reason.
When I was fifteen, my cousin killed himself. He was sixteen. He didn’t leave a note. No one really knew why he did it. His parents were going through a divorce at the time, but it was amicable. Maybe it hit him harder than anyone realized. Or maybe that had no bearing on his actions at all.
My cousin was the oldest of three boys. His brothers and parents were devasted. Of course.
A few years later, when I was nineteen, my second oldest cousin, also nineteen at the time, died in a car accident. A part of me always wondered if he did it on purpose. But from the outside, he seemed happy. You never know, though, what’s going on inside someone’s head. Not for sure. However, I prefer to think his death was an accident.
[Unrelated to suicide, my third cousin in that same family died at 45 from a brain tumor that wouldn’t quit.]
My point is—I could never do it to my family. I could never put them through that kind of loss. I harbor no ill feelings toward my cousin, but I do think suicide is a selfish act—because if you’re thinking of anyone but yourself, you wouldn’t do it. (At least that’s what I think.)
I have nothing witty to write about these guys today. We’ll just take a moment.
p.s. — I was going to apologize for the serious and rather upsetting nature of today’s topic, but I’m not really sorry. I did want the list to be random.