writing, rewriting, reading, rereading.

My blog started six years ago as a creative outlet for my fiction writing. I wanted to share my writing anonymously so I would never have to face anyone who thought I was a shit writer. I started writing poetry, too, and I amazed even myself with how good some of my poems were. Again, sharing anonymously so if I’m the only one who thinks my poetry is good, at least I don’t have to face anyone who thinks I’m a talentless hack.

Then came writer’s block. That bitch showed up toward the end of 2017. Yes, four fucking years ago. Four. Fucking. Years. I wrote almost nothing until about a month ago. On August 31, I started writing what I thought would be a short story about a bunch of college kids. I had written a few notes well over a year ago, but I was never able to turn them into anything. In fact, I have a whole Word document filled with story ideas. The problem is that they’re really only ideas for scenes or characters. Nothing for a whole story.

What I’m working on now has potential, but I’m struggling a bit. I started off strong, but now, with only about 14,000 words written, I feel stuck. I have never made an outline for a story. I wonder if I should try that.

Apparently, Stephen King thinks that’s a terrible idea. He thinks it’s better to see where your characters take you rather than have everything planned in advance because that can be stifling. I see where he’s coming from, but since I seem to struggle to turn my ideas/scenes into full stories, I think it might be helpful for me. And I’m not a Stephen King fan anyway, so fuck him.

Still, it’s a problem because I’m not sure I will even have enough to create an outline. Like I said, most of my ideas tend to be for scenes, not whole stories. Or they’re just character ideas. All of this tells me that I’m really not a writer. I’m not sure what I am. Perhaps I am the talentless hack I mentioned before.

At least I’m enjoying what I’m writing at the moment. Or, I was until I got stuck. I think I’m going to rewrite all of what I have so far from the POV of the leading man instead of the girl (which is how it’s written now). I love the idea of writing his side of the story. I want to get inside his head.

In the end, none of this really matters because this story, like every other one I’ve ever written, is going nowhere. I’m not going to publish. I don’t even know if I’ll ever share anything else here. I guess I’m only writing for myself. I enjoy it (well, when it’s going well). I also enjoy reading (and rereading) what I’ve written, and I love editing. (Is that weird?)

So I’ll just take my files and pretend I’m in college with the hot guy who inspired me.

Who wouldn’t want to get inside his head? (I really wanted to add “or inside his pants” but I felt like that might be taking it too far. Not that that has ever stopped me before.)


And let us not forget my perpetual inspiration.

p.s. — Sometimes I wonder if my active fantasy life is hurting me. I’m never going to have a hot guy (or any guy) in my life who loves and wants me. It breaks my heart. I can lose myself in my imagination, but often, I cry for what I’ll never have. 

©2021 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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32 Responses to writing, rewriting, reading, rereading.

  1. gigglingfattie says:

    Maybe you are more of a short story writer than a novel writer? I feel the same cos I only usually have ideas for one scene as well.

    You could switch the story back and forth? First girl POV then next chapter guys? You can over lap events that way and share different perspectives?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Maybe write 3 versions. Her POV, his POV, and the combined alternate chapter one. You could add a her POV with interspersed “thoughts” of him/and vice versa. Each version would hopefully expand on your ideas and result in something closer to what you are seeking. 😻😻

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have a separate “book” written in third person where I have both characters thoughts all over the place. I like the way that one reads, but even then, I don’t feel like I have enough of either of their thoughts. And most of the main story action seems to be more her side of things than his. I guess because I feel that she is me so it naturally makes me tend more toward her perspective even though there is no “I” in the story.

      With this story, I have the first one I wrote, from her POV, and I have the second one with the dual/back and forth POVs. Neither is finished, mostly because I only sort of have an idea of what the ending will be. So yes, I will be doing the one from his POV as well… so I will end up with three versions. Of a story no one but I will ever read. And none of those versions will have an end… at least not anytime soon.

      This is why I wonder if an outline would help me. I’d be forcing myself to figure out the ending and how to get there in advance. I think it would help me write. I don’t know… I’ve never tried it!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. jrvincente says:

    I appreciate you sharing your writing and your journey with your readers. I’m glad you’re blogging again and I hope that you’ll get less stuck and be able to write more. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Why do you say you will never have a Hot or any guy? I have had 2 major relationships and if God wants me to have another, 3rd time will hopefully be the charm.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The Stephen King paragraph made me laugh out loud. You’re still a good writer. That has never changed.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. M says:

    I’m smiling ’cause outlines are the same for me and i am with you on the stephen king thing. 😄

    Liked by 1 person

  7. A. Walters says:

    I too enjoy the process.. i see books/stories im writing as a lover. At times, i must leave her to remember her.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Mainak G says:

    The process is different for different people. What works for King may not work for you. Like I take a somewhat middle route – i draw an idea, sketch out the whats the main characters will be like (characteristics, not bio, though that can work too) and then proceed without a plot line. Whenever I get stuck I try to analyse what the character(s) will do in this situation. Sometimes I crack it, sometimes needs rewriting. But that’s the process
    Also you can try publishing with a pseudonym. If agents accept you, you should start believing that you are not that bad.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, I seriously doubt an agent would accept me. But yes, I think we do create our own process. Lately, I just feel like mine isn’t working. I probably need a clear head, but there is too much chaos in my life right now. That’s making it difficult.


  9. Firstly, just been going through your posts and it makes me happy that you are active(even if its just you ranting!)
    Secondly.. 14k words is A LOT! I know it may seem like nothing but 14k of good writing takes time! So I’m so happy for you!! I also saw in your comments, that GF mentioned about writing short stories instead! That does seem like a great idea but I also feel that your stories don’t have to be a full fledged novel or a short story. I sometimes find a short story is too short for me to deliver everything I want to say… and considering all the ideas you have pinned down and the research you have done– you can just make it into a mini series.. that is if you are going to publish them (P.S: I would definitely love to read you work, because it is really good! I am not kidding.. all of your posts about narrating your school life.. and that girl who basically copied you etc etc I love the way you write and enjoy reading them!)
    Congrats on the Shawn Mendes concert tickets!! (Also its a crush.. who cares if it is age appropriate!! Plus he is 😍)
    And about your daughter… I can only tell you that it’ll get better as she grows. You are awesome! Don’t let you or anyone else think otherwise!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you… ♥
      I think my issue with 14k isn’t so much the number. It’s that I can’t figure out where to go from here. I tend to start off strong, get to where I’m going too fast, and have no idea how to end. I don’t have enough story. I just have these little ideas of how they meet or how they are going to end up together (it’s always a romance, often a naughty one), and then that’s it. Intro, meet, get together… and then it dies…. or rambles on.

      I’m flattered that you enjoy my writing. It means a lot to me that you like it. I am not confident at all, so I think I’m in constant need of validation. I know I shouldn’t be like that, but I am.

      I’m also flattered that you think I’m awesome. I wish I could meet this person you find awesome because I can’t find her. I only see a screw-up. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

      • I mean, you can always just leave it open ended! That way you leave people wanting more and it kinda solves the writing crisis..?
        You do deserve it!!! (Everyone requires validation, its just how it affects you that matters, so its okay)
        You’ll find your awesome self! I know you will! ❤


  10. Stephen King also says that notebooks are a graveyard for bad ideas, but I still use one. Also, adverbs. Maybe that’s why I’ve not gone anywhere as a writer yet, lol. Thanks for this post!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. He looks very spicy!

    Liked by 1 person

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