31 questions | march 1.

March 1
What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

Charming.

Despite my shortcomings, and they are many, someone called me charming. I didn’t understand it and I’m still not sure I do, but that’s the word she used.

Charm is defined as ‘the power or quality of delighting, attracting, and/or fascinating others’.

So does that make me delightful, attractive, and/or fascinating?

MeReally? Ha!

I was having a bad day at the time. [Shocker!] I remember telling her that it was hard for me to make friends because of my sadness and overall darkness. No one likes that. They like happy people. I couldn’t understand how anyone could like me… why anyone would want to be around me. I’m usually pretty miserable.

Don’t you hate that about me?

She said no. She said it was ‘charming’… I was charming. My dark humor… my self-deprecation… are those things charming? Maybe not on everyone, but apparently they work for me… at least according to her. [Am I the female Morrissey?]

I’ve never thought I was particularly likeable… and forget loveable… and forget charming. But maybe I’m projecting because I don’t like myself. Clearly she saw something I don’t see.

I’m not sure, though, how to trust this charming compliment as she is no longer in my life. I suspect that I drove her away with the very things she found charming. I’m not sure how to process that.

p.s. — Even my MH NP tells me that she likes me… that I’m funny and she likes talking to me. Is she just saying that in a professional way? Like, because she *has to* talk to me? I don’t think so. She didn’t need to say it, but she has said it on more than one occasion. I’m not entirely sure how to process this either. 

[Thanks to my dear friend Marquessa for this 31 questions challenge.]

         
©2021 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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13 Responses to 31 questions | march 1.

  1. No even though I only know you by your blog posts you’re a beautiful person! I understand why you feel this way though

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ogden Fahey says:

    I regard myself as extremely unpleasant, and yet I find people persist in treating me as if I were worthwhile – as opposed to the sour faced ignorant moron I so clearly am! There’s nowt as queer as folk as they say! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. M says:

    You ARE charming Sandra. Likeable, funny, friendly…And that’s one of the reasons we are here for you. 💜

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’ll give you funny. I do think I’m funny. I don’t really see the rest in me. It’s worse right now because of what’s currently happening in my life, but even on my best days, I don’t feel likeable. But thank you… 🖤

      Liked by 2 people

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