What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?
Despite my shortcomings, and they are many, someone called me charming. I didn’t understand it and I’m still not sure I do, but that’s the word she used.
Charm is defined as ‘the power or quality of delighting, attracting, and/or fascinating others’.
So does that make me delightful, attractive, and/or fascinating?
Me? Really? Ha!
I was having a bad day at the time. [Shocker!] I remember telling her that it was hard for me to make friends because of my sadness and overall darkness. No one likes that. They like happy people. I couldn’t understand how anyone could like me… why anyone would want to be around me. I’m usually pretty miserable.
‘Don’t you hate that about me?’
She said no. She said it was ‘charming’… I was charming. My dark humor… my self-deprecation… are those things charming? Maybe not on everyone, but apparently they work for me… at least according to her. [Am I the female Morrissey?]
I’ve never thought I was particularly likeable… and forget loveable… and forget charming. But maybe I’m projecting because I don’t like myself. Clearly she saw something I don’t see.
I’m not sure, though, how to trust this charming compliment as she is no longer in my life. I suspect that I drove her away with the very things she found charming. I’m not sure how to process that.
p.s. — Even my MH NP tells me that she likes me… that I’m funny and she likes talking to me. Is she just saying that in a professional way? Like, because she *has to* talk to me? I don’t think so. She didn’t need to say it, but she has said it on more than one occasion. I’m not entirely sure how to process this either.