Dear Introverts,
I’m with you. I’m one of you. But I think sometimes people misunderstand us. (Or is that just me?)
I don’t know about you, but I find that people sometimes think I’m a snob. They think I think I’m too good for them. The funny (not funny haha) thing is… in reality, I feel the opposite. I feel that everyone is too good for me. Okay, not everyone. But you know what I mean.
How is it for you? I know I’m like other introverts in many ways, but then my MH issues get thrown into the mix, and that magnifies things. And I hope you don’t feel the same way I so often feel.
I’ve never felt good enough. I’ve always felt that the extroverts are somehow ‘better’ because they’re so good with people, whereas I am not. They can do things I cannot. They can land jobs I cannot. They can handle a crowded room with ease but I cannot. I will go out of my way to keep communication in written form rather than talk to or, god forbid, see someone.
Are you as awkward around people as I am? Like, all the time, but especially in person? It’s why I wrote a letter to my family (that I’ll likely never send) instead of talking to them. Yeah, I’m even awkward with my family. It’s not as bad with them, but still…
Anyway, even if some of us are too busy writing, reading, and following other solo pursuits, it’s nice to know there are like-minded people out there. Because generally speaking, I hate people. Okay, not all people. Just most of them.
Perhaps weirdest of all, though, is that my best friend… the girl who lives hundreds of miles away but always manages to be there for me… is a total extrovert. Then again, I do think she’s too good for me.
p.s. — Now she’s going to fight with me because she hates when I say things like that!
©2020 what sandra thinks
what sandra thinks 
I used to get the aloof thing a lot. I’m not that at all. I am, however, a bit of a contradiction. I can be around people, even those I’ve just met, and function just fine. But, I have a limit to how much human interaction I’m willing to endure, and once I’m at that point, I’m out. Nothing personal, I’m just sensory overloaded enough at work, and I’m done by the time my day is over.
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I can’t do small talk. I’m so bad at it that I feel incredibly awkward around people most of the time. I used to come up with all sorts of creative excuses to get out of work social events. I hated them so much. Sometimes, I couldn’t get out of it and I was incredibly anxious the whole time. Nope… I don’t like people. Well… most of them. 🙂
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Most introverts have that one extrovert friend who adopts us and cares for us. I think it’s a perfect fit.
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That makes sense. She found me and she has adopted me. I like that metaphor.
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I am not awkward or uncomfortable around most folks. I’ve been told that I am a bit of a flirt (I disagree). I think as I’ve aged and gained a better understanding (comfort with) of me, I am more at ease. However, if the hallmark of my introversion is the source of my energy, I prefer very few people around me, making social distancing quite comfortable for me. I re-energize alone. Social gatherings sap it.
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I have been told that I’m a bit of a flirt, too, but only through writing… through a computer/phone screen… not in person. I’m too awkward, anxious, and shy in person. I have so much trouble with small talk that I usually end up just standing there feeling very uncomfortable. I’m better when I know someone and can have a deeper conversation. But getting to know people is very difficult for me so I never get to that ‘deeper conversation’ place.
It makes sense that if I was more comfortable with myself and accepting of myself, it would be easier for me. But I lack confidence.
Social gatherings exhaust me. I avoid them if possible. Not difficult since I don’t really have friends locally…
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I’m a very fortunate introvert. I had a brilliant Mum who often said “There are a lot of people who think they are better than we are, but we KNOW that we are better than they are.”
I’ve lived by that adage all my life – and it helps me every day.
Thank you Mum!
Thank you Sandra for that remembrance!
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I’m glad it brought back fond memories!
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I was reminded of something I read thousands of years ago in a J.P. Donleavy novel …. the protagonist, who comes from a long line of poverty and pain makes the observation, ‘We know that we’re just as good as everyone else – it’s just that we can’t prove it’
I avoid gatherings of any kind. Mrs Richmond frequently comments that I ‘go out of my way to avoid having fun’ – which actually misses the point, but I know what she’s talking about.
The weird thing is, though, that people will seek me out at any such event … corner me for hours … talk, talk, talk, talk …. and I respond with wit and charm. BUT …. it’s not really me doing it … it’s like I’m watching myself from above, thinking, “gee. I wonder how he does that …”
People will cross rooms to greet me with handshakes and hugs – and after the conversation Mrs Richmond will ask, “who was that???” and I have to respond honestly that I have no idea.
So whilst you have an extrovert friend to guide you through these difficult social encounters I have a sort of body-double.
But I don’t hate people. I just think that there’s far too many of them.
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Unfortunately, my extrovert friend lives far away so we are never actually together. I wish we were because I think she’d get me out of here — she would force me, and it would probably be good for me in the end… even though I would resist.
I do not seem to have your magnetism. People don’t generally approach me. Before I lost my job, I would occasionally be forced into attending work functions. I am terrible with small talk and would always stand around awkwardly while everyone else socialized. I hated it… and I certainly didn’t have anyone approach me. On the rare occasion that I would talk to someone, it would be brief, and the whole time, I’d be thinking, “Why did I say that? How stupid… how embarrassing. Why do I not know how to talk to people?” I guess I kind of feel, at times, like I’m watching myself from outside myself, but what I’m thinking is more along the lines of… “what an idiot!”
It’s pretty easy for me to avoid most social gatherings since I don’t have any friends locally. We do spend holidays with family and some extended family. At this point, that is the only socializing I do.
Unless you count here…
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Here definitely counts.
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Well then… maybe I should have a party and socialize with my online friends. *That* I could handle!
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I’ll bring the peanuts.
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Thank you. I eagerly await your arrival. I guess I have to invite others if I’m going to try this party thing.
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For me to suggest that you not invite others would be highly inappropriate, of course.
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Well, I do prefer smaller crowds. One-on-one is good for me. And highly inappropriate never bothered me.
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Ya got to untangle that shit and realize how many people just trampled right over you cos they just didn’t get it – difficult subject tho, cos sometimes its really you, and not them!
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I guess it’s probably for the best that I’m not usually around many people. Even before this quarantine situation…
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Well I dont mean it IS you and not them! I just mean, sometimes there are ways to alter yourself when there are no ways to alter all the others, and thus outwit the fuckwits!! XX
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🙂 ❤
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Love the pic you put up. I am, like you… Except at work, it’s a weird thing I do when I’m at work. Maybe because all those people are passing so no expectations. Who knows!
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I used to have a separate personality at work… a few jobs back. I was more comfortable around people… even answered the phone instead of turning the ringer volume way down so no one would notice that it rang and I’d get away with not answering. I think as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten worse being around people!
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Dear one,
You are an introvert who happens to suffer from an inferiority complex. Truth, people think we’re snobs or often intimidated by us and often feel a sense of inferiority to us! They mistake our standoffish-ness and social anxiety. I don’t think we should feel or interpret what we feel as “not good enough” but rather we simply sense our unique difference to them when we are in the midst of a gathering of extroverts.
Would we feel these same things if we were at a gathering of introverts? Or, would we feel that sameness and feel at ease?
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I’m not sure if it would be better with a bunch of introverts. Maybe no one would talk at all! I definitely have an inferiority complex, though. I think it doesn’t apply exclusively toward extroverts. I always find things about other people that make them better than me. I always look at people who are seemingly happy and I think, ‘Wow, I wonder what that’s like…’
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True but…we’d all be comfortable together in our silence. Lol I’ve never cared for relationship where it felt like they need to fill the space between us with constant chatter. There’s something so uncomfortable and pensive about it. I appreciate relationships where we’re comfortable enough with one another to be quiet in each others presence.
I think you have a project worth pursuing….learning to love yourself. We very seldomly meet who people really are. We meet their representatives, characters, masks, facades. We meet who they present themselves to be but that’s rarely who they really are so know that they arent better than you. They, at best, are simply different than you. But, you, need to learn kindness toward yourself and practice it. Perhaps become our own best friend.
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This is something I’ve struggled with for many many years. I think my self-hatred started when I was about 13 or 14. I’m… um… much older now… yet I still don’t like me.
I know the things that are supposed to help me. Things like writing down something I like about myself each day. Am I just beyond help because that doesn’t work for me?
I have struggled for so long that I’ve reached my breaking point… the point at which I’ve lost hope. It just doesn’t seem worth trying anymore.
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It’s a struggle, certainly, especially for those who experience depression. We cant trust our own feelings but that doesnt stop our inner voice. No one is as cruel to us as we are to ourselves. Knowing that we should be as kind, forgiving, loving, to ourselves as we are to others, doesn’t necessarily change the narrative in our heads or make it easy. The true problem was really never the negative inner voice but rather that somewhere along the way, we began to believe it.
But, that doesnt change who you are nor what others see in you….”Intelligent. Creative. Sarcastic. Loving. Boobs. Funny. Sweet. Artistic. Frisky.” And that you are loved. I would add, talented, sensitive, kind, humble, brave and honest.
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I do have that problem… I believe my inner voice. It’s ironic, really, that I don’t think I’m worthy of anything… I think I’m worthless and useless… yet I believe the voice in my head as though it’s some kind of authority that I trust. But why am I trusting and believing the voice of someone so worthless? Total contradiction.
But I’d love to have an inner voice that told me good things instead of always bad.
Thank you for all the kind words you said about me. It means a lot to ‘hear’ that. I think I need it from the external voices because my internal one tells me the opposite.
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Yes! Read and repeat the words of others who see you in that different light, daily or in the moments that your inner voice is disparaging….repeat them and keep repeating until you begin to trust those positive words instead. Until then, remind yourself that your inner voice simply isnt true.
Be well, be safe and keep being, wonderfully you, sweet friend.
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Thank you. You’ve been very kind to me. ♥
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I’m an extrovert and I often “adopt” introverts, as my introverted friends tell me. They’re great people and I’m glad I “adopted” them. ❤
And your friend should fight with you, because you're awesome!
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I wish I could see that. I don’t get what’s awesome about me. I’m not fishing here… no need to respond. I just mean… I only see negatives when it comes to myself. If I wasn’t me, I always think I wouldn’t even like me! (And I am me and I don’t like me!)
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Surprisingly I’m drawn to introverts. I just get along so much better with them. You are my favorite one though by all means! I laughed when you said I would fight you…..I would never fist fight you Ha Ha I love you to death! Great post 🙂
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Well, I didn’t necessarily mean a fist fight. But if that ever happened, you’d kick my ass!
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People thought I was a snob when I was young. If only they’d known what a scared little girl I was on the inside. Then I found alcohol and it got easier 😉
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Haha. I’m not much of a drinker. Sometimes, I think I should become one. But that might be a bad idea… 🙂
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Well it got me out of my shell back then lol. Then I just got old and didn’t care what people thought!
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Several people have told me that… as you get older you just don’t care what people think anymore. I wonder when/if that’s ever going to happen to me… because it hasn’t happened yet.
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