letters | c/cooking #atozchallenge

letters | a to z | what sandra thinks

Dear Cooking,

I had no intention of writing to you today, but you’ve really pissed me off.

I used to love you but now… I am so sick of you and your insistence on beckoning me every fucking night. I can feel my hatred growing. I’ve felt it for quite some time now, and soon, I’m going to freak the hell out. Like, more than I am right now.

Remember when I used to search for new recipes for hours? I was willing to try anything. And I enjoyed it… both the searching part and the cooking part. That time has passed. I’m sick of all of my dozens of dinner recipes. I’ve tried to find new ones, but it’s like I’ve tried everything. There’s nothing new out there anymore. And not knowing what to cook has fueled my distaste for you, Cooking.

I do know I brought some of this on myself. I never forced my husband to eat the healthy meals I prepared for myself. He’d have this grossed-out look on his face, so I offered to make him something else. That unfortunate habit continued with my kids. Once they outgrew bottles and baby food (during which time we were obviously not eating the same meals), I offered them the same courtesy I offered my husband.

What would you like for dinner?

I know. I am an idiot. And I’m also a short-order cook.

Some nights, I cook three or four different dinners. Some nights, only two. Rarely, only one. I have a (very) small stash of recipes I call ‘dinners everyone eats’, and I’m extra sick of making those… and eating them. And, as you might imagine, those are the least healthy of my dinner recipes. But some nights, if everyone else agrees on one of those, I take the win and I eat it, too, whether I feel good about it or not. Trust me, it’s usually ‘or not’.

I can’t seem to flip that switch… and tell everyone, ‘You eat what I make or you don’t eat,’ because my kids will literally not eat. And they will be brought to tears. No, seriously. They will. I’ve tried this many times. My son almost passed out one of the nights I tried this. But he still wouldn’t eat what I made.

I’m stuck with you… still not knowing what to make for dinner… and ultimately making more than one dinner… every fucking night.

No wonder I hate you. I know some of it is on me, but that changes nothing. I’m sick of you. Last night, I cooked for my son… then for my daughter. I told my husband he was on his own. And I skipped dinner entirely.

I still don’t know what the fuck to make for dinner tonight.

Sorry, Cooking. I’ve tried to repair our relationship, but I think it’s beyond repair. I’m done with you. I want a divorce.

Thanks for nothing,

p.s. — This does not apply to your cousin… baking. We still have a decent relationship. 

 

         
©2020 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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40 Responses to letters | c/cooking #atozchallenge

  1. The trying to pick what’s for dinner is what I hate. I don’t mind the prepping, cooking, or clean up even. Hate having to come up with the plan though. I’m tired.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Meg says:

    Oh my god, Sandra! You’ve got them all spoiled! I’d hate cooking too!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life until you die?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Liam says:

    Oh, I get it. You’re using the letters of the alphabet and you’re writing letters.

    How dim of me.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. M says:

    Cooking is great when its for fun, not for duty. Wish I had an accommodating mom like you. If we didn’t like what was for a meal, well…👀

    Liked by 1 person

    • My mom was kind of accommodating. I hated broccoli so she had a dish that included it and she would keep it on the side. Stuff like that. When I was older, though, if I didn’t want her dinner, I could make my own. I’ve thought about that for my kids, but honestly, I think they’d take advantage of it far too often… and with that method, I have even less control over what they eat than I do now!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank God for baking! When mine were little if you didn’t like dinner you could make a cheese or peanut butter sandwich. I never liked cooking enough to do separate meals. I’m getting pretty tired of it myself lately…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. jrvincente says:

    Yes, yes, and yes!!! I’m so with you on this 1000000%!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. My least favorite words “What’s for dinner?” I use to enjoy cooking too until it was cooking for the family. Fortunately, my husband does a lot of the cooking so I get a break. Glad you still have a relationship with baking. Weekends In Maine

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I totally get it. I’m so sick of cooking but I do like the cousin. I baked a cake and cookies from scratch this past weekend. It only took a couple of hours and then I was like “What the fuck do I do now?” Boredom sucks which then causes me to eat. Fuck.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Sometimes, I think writing is helping, other times it feels like ‘work’… like a chore. I don’t want to cook anymore but I have no choice. I think I’m getting sick of baking, too. Plus, my back is usually killing me by the time I’m done (with both cooking and baking). I do it anyway…

      Like

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