just for me.

I rarely do things ‘just for me‘. I don’t see the point. All I end up with is financial anxiety and tremendous guilt. And, you know, I simply don’t know how to be kind to myself. Someone recommended a book about just that. Maybe I should read it. Too bad it’s not at my local library because I refuse to purchase a self-help book since I think most of them are just… useless. If I don’t have the motivation or the will to act, how is a book going to help?

Yes, I’m that bad.

———

I picked some flowers
just for me
wrote and read for hours
just for me

bought a little treat
just for me
something rich and sweet
just for me

but those are all lies
just for me
since I can’t justify
‘just for me’

 

p.s.— My monster-in-law finally died two weeks ago. I realize that sounds totally cruel and unfeeling, but it’s just that she was never really nice to me. She was kind of terrible. And she had been deteriorating for a long time. Plus, I use humor in pretty much every situation. Even death. I guess it’s my coping mechanism. Or maybe I am just a bitch. 

         

©2019 what sandra thinks

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About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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8 Responses to just for me.

  1. It’s good to see you, no matter what the circumstances Sandra.
    I really do hope you learn to love yourself.
    Hugs to you.
    xx

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  2. Monique28 says:

    was happy when I got this Nof . I’ve been lost eight out my mirror lol . this I can total understand My birthday coming and it’s at the end of the month when most bills are due or coming and all I wanna do is get a room in sleep.Some people say that crazy when you have a bed and a house but I think if you don’t have kids or responsibilities you wouldn’t understand. But one thing I did do was bought this most expensive purse I sow at the mall of course I feel guilty to given my son needs shoes clothes and the house need things but when do you just do for you. I’ll just work overtime to make up for it I guess #Life
    P.s sorry bout your mother in law I hope she at least left you something

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  3. Glad to see your name come up in my emails again! I find it hard to do nice things for myself too, maybe not to the same degree as you, but there’s always a little guilt in it.

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  4. Glad to see you again, so sorry to your family on your loss! 😘

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  5. Good to see you back, Sandra! It’s been a while.
    Coping mechanisms are the best I know. I usually joke around or act like wiseass when I’m stressed.
    It’s good to do little things for yourself every once in a while… It really does help with our sanity.

    Like

  6. Meg says:

    Good to see you Sandra. I hope you really did read and write for hours, just for you. Both those things are free and a wonderful use of time. Sending love and condolences (?) to you and yours. ❤️

    Like

  7. mydangblog says:

    I remember once my doctor told me to read a book about stress. I said, “if I had time to read a book, I wouldn’t be so stressed.” But you SHOULD treat yourself–you deserve it. And sorry about the loss, even if she wasn’t very nice to you.

    Like

  8. Hunida says:

    I would never read or purchase a self-help book… they are so annoying. This poem has been one of my faves of yours. Thanks for stopping in to share it with us. ♡

    Like

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