As ‘promised‘ (or merely mentioned), here’s that birthday recap I know you’ve been waiting for.
Warning: I’m probably going to go into too much detail so this might be long. Oh, who am I kidding? It is definitely going to be long. Sorry.
My daughter did not want to wake up for school this morning. She hates when I stand there waiting for her to get out of bed before leaving her room, but I have to make sure she actually gets up. And she usually gets mad at me for it. Sigh.
Mom called to wish me a happy birthday as she always does. My mom is the best. But inevitably, we talk about how much my life sucks… and I cry. I hate that there’s nothing good to talk about, but there just isn’t. Confession: This is why sometimes I get anxious when talking to Mom… because I know I will end up crying. Not her fault at all… but it happens. Of course, crying happens most days whether I talk to her (or anyone else) or not. Besides… it’s Mom… she always manages to say the right thing.
One of my daughter’s friend’s moms included me on a group text with three other moms from my daughter’s class (about a group gift for their teacher). This doesn’t sound like a big deal… but I struggle with making friends… even with making conversation… so I was a little surprised but happy that she thought of me.
My new friend Mel posted a very sweet birthday party message for me on her blog. I was touched, especially since we just recently ‘met‘. Thank you, Mel.
My long time friend Lennon also posted a beautiful birthday message. I don’t know how I managed to land such a great friend (and not just her… so many others, too… you know who you are), but I’m so grateful. She also sent me a wonderful gift… because she is amazing.
My perhaps longest time friend (one of the longest anyway!) Meg sent me a very sweet and generous gift. Thank you for thinking of me… but, then, you always do. And thanks for being such a wonderful person and caring friend.
And someone else mentioned something about a late birthday gift… but as I don’t yet know what I’m thanking her for, I’m going to have to make another post at a later date… just for her.
I am left a bit speechless because of that whole thing where I think I’m not so great of a person and I don’t get why people like me. I mean, I get what they tell me (and they have told me because these are truly wonderful people) and I love them for it, but I still think the disaster that is my life can’t be fun for them… god knows it’s not fun for me.
I got two (real paper) cards in the mail. One from Mom (see below) with what she called a ‘birthday bonus‘… and one from my very generous sister who included her own version of a ‘birthday bonus‘. My father-in-law gave me a card, too. He lives just a couple of streets away so his cards are hand-delivered. He also gave me a ‘birthday bonus‘ which was really more than he should have done since he already does so much for us.
Yes, my mom has a sense of humor much like mine.
I wish I felt that I could take these ‘bonuses‘ and do something for me. Pedicure, massage, etc. But there are two issues. (1) I feel incredibly guilty spending money on frivolous things for myself when we are not in a great financial place… and (2) I don’t have a regular place to go for any of those sorts of things so it would mean finding a place and going to a new place and dealing with other humans in that place… and with my social anxiety and everything else, I probably couldn’t do it anyway.
I hate to end on a depressing note, so I’m going to shove this really bad part in right here before I get to the rest…
I got a call from the pain doctor’s office. They want to try one other injection for my back that’s a little different than the others, but they are concerned that the insurance company won’t approve it because of what they’ve already tried (none of which has helped). If I can’t have this one or if it doesn’t work, they are out of injection options. The PA mentioned that they/I could consider more aggressive things like a spinal implant that interrupts the pain receptors to the brain… or I could see a surgeon even though they don’t see anything that would indicate surgery is an option. I’m really not okay with either of those options. I really thought some sort of injection would at least help… but no. I have been afraid of having this pain forever and it seems like I will. So… this is terrible news. Again. This has, unfortunately, overshadowed my whole day.
My daughter really is the sweetest kid on earth. I’m not just saying that. She was nearly in tears yesterday when she thought my husband wasn’t going to have time to take her out shopping for my birthday. I told her she didn’t need to get me anything, but it was so important to her. The husband did take her… and she picked out some sweet little things. One of them was a tiny notebook… one for me and one for her… and an envelope full of random words. Every day, we pick one and draw a picture of it. She even got balloons.
In the interest of eating as much junk and as many carbs as I’ve eaten in the last six months combined all in one day, I went to the fancy muffin shop this morning and bought myself a carrot cake muffin with cream cheese frosting. I love them and haven’t had one for years. And obviously I got coffee with that.
To that same end, for dinner (because I sure as fuck was not cooking), I sent my husband to Five Guys. It’s been a long time since I treated myself to that super-healthy meal. Hey, they use only the freshest of ingredients. And we don’t have In-N-Out Burger here on the East Coast.
Oh, I almost forgot… earlier this afternoon, I had a craving for potato chips, so I figured what the hell! I got some. Hey, at least I shared with the kids.
And finally, after dinner, I had half of a cheesecake. No! I’m just kidding. I didn’t eat half of it. That would be crazy. Unless I had skipped dinner. Which I clearly did not.
My body may go into shock but I’ll get through it.
Couldn’t resist adding this…
Obviously I am not the owner of any rights to this song, video, or lyrics… just everything else…
©2018 what sandra thinks