This picture really has nothing to do with this post. I just like it.
I am not generally a fan of the word meh. It speaks to my distaste for trendy, popular things. But I suppose coffee is trendy and popular. I’m a huge fan of that. Maybe it’s mostly trendy, overused words I don’t like.
However, meh fits right now.
I have no excitement in my life. No passion. No goals.
I used to think I loved writing, art, design… even math! But nothing excites me anymore. I think I’m broken. I don’t love anything. Because of that, I have no drive, no motivation, no hope… because I have no goal… no endgame. I agree that maybe the path is more important than the end result… but without some idea where I’m going, I can’t get on a path. I don’t even know where to take my first step.
I’ve been seeking a solution… a destination. To that end, someone recently asked me, ‘What excites you? What’s your passion?‘ I couldn’t answer. I don’t know. I have never known (link to one of my earliest posts… I loved my own writing back then).
Graduated at the top of my class in high school. Didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. Went to college. Studied whatever subjects I felt like studying. Did a lot of printmaking/art-type stuff. Graduated college. Didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. Took random jobs while I tried to figure it out, but guess what? I never did.
It’s kind of hard to find what I’m looking for if I don’t know what I’m looking for. Sigh.
I can’t say why (because I don’t know), but the other day, I was writing down words that describe me lately. Here’s the list:
dead inside (to be fair, this isn’t a word… it’s two words)
And I could add one more…
written for #wordoftheday – meh
©2018 what sandra thinks