who I am.


don’t know why
you can’t understand
happiness doesn’t
appear on demand

see me, hear me
I know you can
accept the dark
it’s who I am

FYI: I am okay… contrary to the girl in the picture above.
©2017 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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25 Responses to who I am.

  1. magarisa says:

    Absolutely love this one.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s a legit question. I guess we are conditioned to cheer up, perk up, or generally pick up someone who appears down. I’m sure it gets annoying…but we mean well. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t mean it that way, though. I totally appreciate anyone trying to cheer me up when I’m down. It usually makes me at least smile or laugh. What I mean here is that no one should expect me to become a different person. I can’t flip a happy switch and be cheered up… and I can’t become someone who’s always cheerful… it’s just not me. Not that I should be miserable all the time, but the dark is who I am so it won’t ever totally go away… and I wouldn’t want it to. (To steal magarisa’s phrasing… a dark soul…) 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • I got what you were saying. Not just at a moment in time, rather who you are at your core. I’m sure you’ve had people try and change that, don’t wear so much black, telling you to smile more, etc. Believe it or not, when I was younger, I had people tell me similar shit. Go out with friends, make friends, are you ok?, etc. I was a loner, and still am to some degree, and thrived in solitude. But it was taken as brooding, aloof, depressed. I just didn’t need to be with people, and I was fine the way I am. People didn’t get it. So, I kinda get where you’re comin’ from.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I will not be stopping the wearing of black. Like, ever. It’s my signature color. 😀 LOL

          I often wonder if people think I’m a bitch because I suck so bad at making small talk — like when I take one of the kids to a party or an event… I have no idea how to make conversation with other parents. They probably think I’m a total bitch! But that’s not it at all… I just suck at people. (Sounds wrong… but you know what I mean! lol) 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          • Hahaha! I know EXACTLY what you mean. I remember a wedding we attended, years ago, and my wife was a bridesmaid. That meant….gasp…..id be sitting at a table with 9 other people whom I….sigh…..had never met before, while she was at the “head table”. I dreaded it for days on end. Luckily, the venue was in a place that had an actual bar, like a pub. I bellied myself right up there and that’s where I stayed. Even ate there. I’m better at people-ing now, but I know exactly what you mean. 😃

            Liked by 1 person

            • That would kill me. I think I would have faked a serious illness to get out of it! It was always a similar situation with after-hours work functions. I hated them. Sometimes I’d plan ahead and take that day off so I couldn’t possibly attend the function!

              Liked by 1 person

              • Yep. I’m not big on hangin’ with my co-workers. I even take my lunch break solo. Certainly don’t want to party with them. Not that I don’t like them, mind you. 3 or 4 that I consider a friend. We’ve worked together for a long time, know each other’s kids, etc. But that’s work. My non-work life is in a different compartment, ya’ know? 😃

                Liked by 1 person

                • Yes. I had a couple of ‘work friends’ at my last job. We had fun at the office not working (which worked out because one was my manager)… but I always lose touch with work friends because I keep it separate from the rest of my life… also, I suck at keeping in touch and making plans with old friends… (Why do I wonder why I have no friends???)

                  Liked by 1 person

  3. pluviolover says:

    I like it. In few words, it says much, for and about so many. Well done. I like reading the poem when the picture is not in view so only the words effect me.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I get it. I can do small talk easily and I’m getting better at refusing to acknowledge some scary thoughts, but I have a hard time with people who are always cheerful. I’m more even keeled than I used to be, but that forced cheeriness, especially when things are truly bad, grates. Nothing wrong with being who you are.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so bad at small talk that I avoid a lot of situations that ‘normal’ people have no issue with… or even enjoy. I hate parties. I don’t even really like holiday gatherings at Mom’s if more than just my immediate family is there. I’m so bad with this sort of thing!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Meg Sorick says:

    I have had to cultivate a ‘public’ personality in order to deal with patients on a daily basis. I have talked more small talk than I care to mention… so for an introvert, I have always come home absolutely exhausted and frustrated at the end of the day. Plus, everyone thinks they ‘know’ me…. Which is why I really want to make this whole writing thing work!

    Liked by 1 person

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