I’m kind of late… but it’s still Saturday… so I’m not really late…
g | group texts
When I was laid off from my job, I wasn’t alone. My whole department was released. So of course, there was the inevitable go-out-for-a-drink-all-together-before-we-go-our-separate-ways night. I had to go. Two of these people were good friends of mine. [I guess they still are… I just never see them. Or talk to them.] I was friendly with everyone else, too, but I really bonded with these two.
If you know me at all, you’ll know that night was hell for me. Unless one of those two was talking to me, I sat in awkward silence trying to figure out what to do with my hands… hoping I wouldn’t choke on my drink because I was so self-conscious. I’m just better in small groups. Like, no more than 4 people. Including me.
Inevitably, the group wanted to get together again post-layoff. You see, normal people are social. They want to hang out… have a drink… catch up… have fun. Only it’s not fun for me. It’s a fucking anxiety-ridden nightmare. I kind of freak out the moment there’s an invitation.
And what could make it even worse? I’ll tell you: When that invitation comes in a group text message. Are you kidding me? Eight people on a text message is annoying as fuck. Especially when I was finished with the conversation after the first message. Because if you know me at all, you know I’m not going to go to the fucking party anyway. But, of course, I continue to get beeped about it… over the next few hours… the next few days… and again closer to the event.
Does the 5th work?
The 5th works for me
Works for me, too
I can’t do the 5th. How about the 12th?
I can only do the 5th or the 19th
I can come on the 12th
Oh forget the 12th
Forget the 5th, too
What about the 19th?
I can’t come on the 19th but don’t change it for me.
UGH. Shoot me.
And the former co-workers I don’t have in my phone… all I see is a number. I don’t even know who the fuck is talking! And, of course, because these things make me so anxious, all I’m waiting for is the date they finally settle on so I can politely decline the invitation.
So sorry everyone… we’re going to be out of town that weekend. Miss you all! Have fun!
Several weeks later…
Hey guys. Are we still on for the 19th?
Yeah what can I bring?
I’ll bring dessert.
I can’t cook. I’ve got chips.
Need anything else?
I’ll be there
Can’t wait to see you guys!!!!!
Hope the weather’s nice
Hey everyone. I’m still in.
See you all soon!
UGH. Shoot me.
I know it’s the most convenient way for all of this to get worked out. Sure, the party host could just pick a day and invite everyone. But then it might not be the right day. But that’s what I would do anyway. Just pick a day. And I’d spend days designing the perfect invitation. And I’d send it to each person separately. You know, if I ever had a party. Which would never happen. [Not like this… family birthday parties for my kids are pretty much my limit for parties…]
The next time my phone starts buzzing its way across the damn table, it better Publisher’s fucking Clearing House desperately trying to contact me to give me my $5000-a-week-for-life prize.