e | emojis
I hate the word. And I hate them. Oh… I give in and use them… and I hate myself a little more every fucking time. I don’t want to use them. I feel like a child when I do. It makes me cringe and I’m desperate to stop. But how can I? I have to use them, don’t I? I have a tendency toward sarcasm… and, well, you know… bitchiness. Without those stupid little faces, my tone may be lost… I may be misunderstood. I’ll be offending people all frickin’ day long. So… what then? Get rid of the fucking emojis and the sarcasm? Ha! The latter is not going to happen. I don’t even think it’s possible without a lobotomy.
Do you know who loves emojis? My 9-year-old daughter. She and her friends are capable of having entire conversations in emojis. It’s horrific. And for fuck’s sake, they made a movie. I shit you not. A fucking emoji movie. Ugh. And it gets worse (seems impossible, I know). Patrick Stewart is the voice of poop. Professor X. Captain fucking Picard. Is. Poop. The world truly has gone mad.
What the hell was wrong with ascii? [Fuck, I’m old.] Such creativity! Now you can’t even use a simple colon and parenthesis because they get autocorrected to a fucking emoji. It’s a goddamn conspiracy! Can’t I just be left alone to smile : ) or pout : ( or cry :’ ( or laugh : D ? Can’t I just stick my tongue out : P or be shocked : o or be emotionless : | or uncertain : \ ? I want to wear my shades B ) and maybe even summon Homer Simpson (_8^(I).
Even naughtiness is possible… for girls and boys… ( , Y , ) 8===>
Making things simple is not an improvement. Not in this case. Everything’s better when you make it from scratch…
And what about asterisks? Those were essential before this emoji hell fell upon us. All you had to do was say what you felt… surrounded by asterisks. For example: I should have been in bed hours ago. *sigh* I’m going to be in hell tomorrow morning. *sob*
That’s so much more charming than a fucking hideous yellow face.
(No offense, Homer.)
[Disclaimer: I do not intend to offend. If you love and enjoy using emojis, knock yourself out! Hell, I end up using them, too. I certainly don’t and won’t hold it against anyone.]