bitchfest | b – bad grammar #atozchallenge

#atozchallenge 2017 | bitchfest | what sandra thinks

[Disclaimer the first: I am unapologetically opinionated. This is me… full-bitch mode… blunt and honest… ranting about things I hate. Please don’t be offended by anything I may say… it’s not personal. Except to me.]
[Disclaimer the second: I’m sorry my posts are too long. For a-to-z, the recommendation is somewhere around 300 words per post. I’m way off. I will try to rein it in a bit in my future posts…]

• • •
b | bad grammar

Before I proceed, I need to clarify something. My blog-writing style is ‘write how I talk’ so, of course, there are broken grammar rules. Incomplete sentences, random use of italics, and of course, excessive use of ellipses. Per someone somewhere, this is acceptable under some circumstances… like blogging. No, it really is. I saw it on the internet. It has to be true if it’s on the internet.

And we’re off…

I try not to correct anyone’s poor grammar. I do. Except the kids. I correct them because I want them to be aware of their errors and learn from them. But other people? I try not to point out their mistakes. I guess it’s rude. Condescending? But on the inside, I’m screaming… itching to say something… dying to correct them. It kills me to keep my mouth shut. But… I don’t want to come across as a know-it-all bitch. [Actually, I kind of do… but I also want people to like me.]

 fix it ted
Ted Mosby, Grammar Policeman.

If I slip and correct someone, it’s not to be a condescending bitch. (I know, too late…) I just want the bad grammar to go away. Here’s the worst ‘bitch’ part, though: You know how sometimes we find out someone has appalling political leanings or doesn’t like cheesecake? And because of those things, we never look at that person the same way again? No? Just me? I really am a bitch. Because, for me, bad grammar kind of does the same thing.

I do not love a lot of things about myself, but I can be a bit snobby when it comes to brains. Which sort of sounds like I am a brain connoisseur, but I am, in fact, not a zombie. Maybe this is why bad grammar pains me. (Not because I may be a zombie… but because I’m an intelligence snob.)

Of course, the reason this torments me is irrelevant. What matters is this handy list of grammar tips I’ve graciously provided. It is not my intent to chastise anyone who has ever made any of these errors. I’m just offering a valuable service. You’re welcome.

their/they’re/there, your/you’re, its/it’s
This is really not difficult. They’re means ‘they are’. You’re means ‘you are’. It’s means ‘it is’. If you are trying to say any of those things, use the damn contraction!

‘Your a dipshit’ means that ‘a dipshit’ belongs to you. It is your ‘a dipshit’. But the dipshit isn’t something you have. It’s something you are. You are a dipshit. You’re a dipshit. See how easy this is?

It’s is not possessive. I know this one is a little troubling. But as noted, it’s means it is. You wouldn’t say, ‘The cat licks it is butt.’ No. So it’s is wrong. You’d say, ‘The cat licks its butt.’

Moving on from cat butts…

lose/loose
Oh my god… shoot me! These are two different words. Other than being close in spelling, they have nothing to do with each other.

If you lose your pants, maybe it’s because they’re too loose. Get yourself a fucking belt. If you want to lose weight, stop eating so many Cheetos. If you want to loose weight, well, does that mean you want your weight to be looser? Like, you want to be more… jiggly? I’m guessing no.

Alright… put your pants back on.

should HAVE, could HAVE, would HAVE
Of is not acceptable anywhere here.

I should have [not should of] listened to Sandra because then I would have [not would of] used the correct words and I could have [not could of] saved myself all kinds of embarrassment.

I’m not sure why, but for me, this one is right up there on the cringe-worthy scale with ‘ain’t’ which, of course, isn’t a word. It makes me shudder. And sometimes makes my head explode.

Yikes, sorry for the mess. Please pass me that towel? Thanks. 

dangling participle
The word dangling makes me laugh. What the hell am I? A 12 year old boy? Anyway…

A dangling participle can make it impossible for someone to understand what you’re trying to say. It can also make your writing hilarious when that is not your intent.

A participle at the beginning of a sentence should modify what immediately follows.

        Being a total bitch, I have few friends.

‘Being a total bitch’ describes me – the ‘I’ in the sentence – which immediately follows the participial phrase. If this is not the case, things can get messy.

        Being a total bitch, my friends are few.

Who’s the bitch now? My friends? [Well, yes, some of them are, and I mean that in the best possible way!] But clearly, the intent here is to say that I am a total bitch. Not my friends.

Now, your participle is dangling. You should probably pick that up.

wave

what sandra thinks @ redbubble

#atozchallenge | bitchfest
© 2017 what sandra thinks
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About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves music, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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54 Responses to bitchfest | b – bad grammar #atozchallenge

  1. I have this annoying habit of catching all the grammatical mistakes in everyone else’s writing but never my own. I have a program on my browser to catch the mistakes, though. Even so, I usually have an issue with lose/loose, chose/choose haha! I don’t know what it is, but something in my brain just always wants to write the extra “o”.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah stop. there’s so much of it around. It drives me nuts. On the other hand, you’ll probably see loads of it on my blog, because I write as we speak here. A lot of Irish speak can be confusing for others. For example we can be heard to say ‘I’m only after going to the shops’ instead of ‘I just went to the shops’ or to the kids ‘I’m only after cleaning that kitchen ‘ instead of ‘I’ve just cleaned that kitchen’ I only notice it when I write it down how silly it looks but it’s just the way we talk. I hope you’ll still pop by and the lingo doesn’t annoy you too much :p

    Liked by 2 people

  3. coolkidandy says:

    It’s also irritating to see a lot of errors. Somewhat they make reading so awful that instead of just understanding the writer’s message, you’ll end up critiquing his/her grammar. Nice post, anyway! I wonder what you have for C!

    Name: Andy
    Blog: coolkidandy.wordpress.com
    #AtoZChallenge Theme: Chinese Adventure
    Topic for “B”‪: Bāxiān guòhǎi (八仙过海 Eight Immortals Crossing the Sea)‬

    Read more about that popular Chinese story in my #AtoZChallenge: Chinese Adventure on coolkidandy.wordpress.com.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes!!!!!! I’m totally down with this. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hahaha, I’m still laughing! Having been a journalism major, grammatical errors still make me crazy. Loved it!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Meg Sorick says:

    I’m with you, sister! I hate it, too! And not so much in spoken word, for regional sayings and the like…. but for the written word? It’s agonizing to read bad grammar!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. stephieann8 says:

    I would like to add here the combining of letters to create sentences…. I have received emails from clothing companies that use AF in the title or spell yes YAS…. like NO! STOP!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. magarisa says:

    Hahaha – dangling! 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Mary B says:

    I think I love you. It makes me so happy that I have subscribed to your bitchfest. You are spot on with the grammar. Another one that drives me insane is ‘seen’. I have a friend that says ‘We seen …. ‘ ALL THE FRICKIN’ TIME! She has been saying this since at least the fourth grade. I’m really surprised the teachers let her get away with that.

    Another one that really bugs me is the misuse of the word ‘Women’ Women is PLURAL. Woman is SINGULAR. How difficult can it be to use the correct word?

    ~Mary
    Jingle Jangle Jungle
    #AtoZChallenge 1970’s Billboard Hits

    Liked by 1 person

  10. JUST TODAY we got a promotional email from a vendor that proudly proclaimed “YOUR INVITED.” Criiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinge.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Sanda, let me say from the start…I’m cool with any grammatical corrections you want to make because let’s face it, I stink most of the time but I’m trying to catch my mistakes. The lose/loose always confuse me and every time I go to use one or the other I refer to the dictionary to make sure I’m using the right word. I’m not a grammar nazi but when people misuse contractions like you describe drives me a bit bonkers, too. I can’t figure out why people aren’t picking up on this one. Did they not learn or do they not care or maybe it’s a little of both? Your post is brilliantly written and a lot of fun. I can’t believe you wrote two A2Z posts, though. Dang, you’re good girl! 🙂 Thanks for stopping off yesterday to visit my A2Z “B” contribution! Have a good day! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. sassybsite says:

    tell me about it!! English is my 3rd language and I end up correcting people for whom English is their native language.. very annoying I must admit..

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Pingback: #atozchallenge wrap-up. | what sandra thinks

  14. Pingback: An honest and funny rant on poor Grammar – M. J. Natali

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