I know it’s really not a big deal… but whenever one of these milestone thingies comes up, I feel that I should post something. You know, to brag. Seriously, I appreciate every one of my followers. And when I say ‘my followers‘, it sounds like I’m some cult leader and you’re, you know, my followers. Hmm… I smell career opportunity.
Since there are 500 of you now and I know all of you read my every word religiously (obviously, since this is my cult), I thought this was a good place to share (in keeping with my theme, I really wanted to say ‘preach’, but I didn’t want to take it too far — I know, too late) my answers to these questions… which may or may not be embarrassing and/or unusual. I believe the list originated here.
Alright. Brace yourselves. (To be bored as fuck…) Yes, all 500 of you. (Or maybe just the <10% who actually read anything I post… heh.)
-1. Boxer shorts or budgee smugglers?
First of all, while I can infer the meaning, what the fuck? Budgee smugglers? Second, I’m not a guy so I wear neither of these. Oh, my preference on a man? Boxers or boxer briefs.
-2. What color of underwear are you currently wearing?
Black. Just like all other days. Except if I’m wearing something that necessitates no undies.
-3. How long have you been wearing them for already?
Ever since I was potty trained. Oh… you mean these undies? About 5.5 hours.
-4. Do you ever use binoculars to watch people?
Not for pervy purposes. But I have no idea what would happen should the opportunity present itself.
-5. Have you ever kicked someone in the groin?
I don’t think so. I suppose it may have accidentally happened, but I don’t remember.
-6. Would you pull a trigger?
If it was to protect or save my children, yes. Otherwise, only Nerf guns… or water guns. Lots of water guns.
-7. If you would meet your favorite celebrity and they would want to make out with you, would you?
Probably. If it was one of my favorite men. Oh, please, probably if it was one of the women, too.
-8. Have you ever slept in a room and in the same bed with someone you were not in a relationship with (not talking about sex and having a one night stand)?
Yes, several times.
-9. Have you had one-night-stands?
Yes. Not tons but I couldn’t tell you how many. Less than ten. Possibly less than five. My memory sucks. Please don’t ask me their names.
-10. Does sex have the same importance to you now compared to when you were younger?
Yes… it has been pretty much equally important to me the entire time. Maybe a bit more when I was trying to get pregnant.
-11. Have you ever eaten a worm?
Not that I’m aware of.
-12. What’s the grossest thing you’ve ever eaten?
Octopus. (In case you’re curious, it was just the one time.)
-13. How long do you spend sitting on the toilet?
-14. What do you do when you sit there (besides the obvious)?
I used to sit on the closed lid to make-sure-child-does-not-drown, but the kids are older now and take showers.
-15. Have you ever been peed at?
When my son was a baby… yes. As soon as you get that diaper off, you better be ready to cover the spout. Or you get a small fountain.
-16. What’s the grossest thing you have ever swallowed?
Erm… uhh… um… yeah, sorry, not a fan of that. Also, I think beer tastes like how I imagine carbonated pee would taste. But I cannot confirm.
-17. What’s the constantly dirtiest place in your home?
The bathroom. God help me, we only have one and there are four of us. Two of whom are icky boys.
-18. Why don’t you clean it?
I do… far more often than I should have to. It’s not my turn, dammit!
-19. Do you eat your boogers?
No… Kristoff says all men do it, but I’m a girl so…
-20. Can you describe the one smell that makes you gag?
Rotting flesh. Allow me to explain. We had a mouse trapped between floors in our house. We could hear him but couldn’t get to him. And he had probably already had some of the poison we have in the attic. (Don’t judge me.) So, uh, yeah, Mickey died there. Judging from the smell, Minnie may have died there, too.
-21. Have you ever had head lice?
No. [Please don’t let this be me jinxing myself. Please don’t let this be me jinxing myself. Please don’t let this be me jinxing myself.]
-22. Have you ever been utterly disappointed in someone?
Unfortunately, quite a few times.
-23. Have you ever been scared of someone?
-24. What do you do and don’t want anyone to know when you are drunk?
I have not been truly drunk for years. Just a little tipsy. At which point, I think everything is funny… so I giggle. If someone wants to get me drunk, perhaps I’ll have a better answer.
-25. Have you tried pole dancing?
Yes. But it was more of a pipe in his basement. That is not a euphemism. An actual pipe.
-26. Have you been in a strip club?
No. Hmm… I smell another career opportunity…
-27. Have you run over an animal?
Yeah. A squirrel. I heard the skull crush like an egg.
-28. Have you ever peed in snow?
-29. Have you ever made fun of someone and then regret it?
Yeah. Well, I’m a bitch, so…
-30. What’s your favorite kind of question of Cards for Humanity (for those who know the game)?
I’ve never played…
-31. If the father of your best friend hit on you what would you tell him?
Get the fuck away from me before I have a concrete answer to #5. I mean, before I kick you in the nuts.
-32. Would you go out on a date with someone half your age or double your age?
I decline to answer… because math. You don’t know how old I am.
-33. Do you clean the sink after brushing your teeth?
Yes. I find that it’s necessary since no one else does.
-34. Have you ever spat in someone’s food or drink?
No. I’ve taken bites and sips… but not the same.
-35. Have you ever kissed someone only to be grossed out afterwards?
Yes… and ‘bad kisser’ is a deal-breaker.
Thanks for reading more than you ever wanted to know about me. Please don’t hold any of it against me. Not anything here anyway.