locked.

locked.Image © Disney | abc | Once Upon a Time


In a box
I hide the pieces
Of my heart…
Locked away
Until my love comes for me…
He will bring the glue.

heart.lock

♦ what sandra thinks
Posted in poetry, writing | Tagged , , , , | 10 Comments

fiction friday 27: secret admirer. part 5.

fiction friday.


Hello wonderful friends. This is part 5 of secret admirer. ♥
[Previously posted: part 1part 2part 3, part 4]


Continue reading
Posted in fiction, fiction friday, writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 45 Comments

distraction.

To distract myself from stuff I don’t feel like dealing with (denial is my friend), I grabbed these questions from sonofabeach‘s blog. I didn’t take them all… just the ones I felt like answering. Because I can do what I want. Ha!

What is your zodiac sign and does it fit your personality?
My unwelcome birthday is soon, 6/11. Gemini…

Astrologers believe Geminis have a volatile temperament, that their strength however is their versatility, and that their versatility allows them to learn a little about everything and develop skills in many areas. Geminis along with Capricorns are considered to hold unique artistic and creative abilities unlike other signs in the zodiac. They have a wide appreciation for the arts, philosophy, history and the natural sciences. They do not like boring people.

gemini.

I emphasized the best parts. It should also say ‘they do not like stupid people‘. Interesting that my son is Capricorn (which is mentioned above)… he is a lot like me. (Poor kid.) All wrong, though, is that my mom is also Gemini (her birthday is today) and she and I are really quite different.

What blog is your favorite to read and why?
There’s no way I’m going to choose one. Okay, mine. Hahaha. I’m kidding. Although I do go back and read old posts occasionally. Sometimes, I amaze myself. I read something I forgot I wrote and I think, my God, I wrote that? I love it! It’s a good feeling… whether anyone agrees with me or not.

What is your guilty pleasure?
Uhh… something I do by myself… maybe more often than is normal. But I do not feel guilty for it, so… I guess that doesn’t count. Oh… I love taking off for a drive to nowhere with my window open singing like I’m fucking Adele or something. (I am a decent singer, but I’m no Adele…) But I feel like I should be home with my family or doing something more constructive.

What is your earliest memory and how old were you?
I remember the day my parents brought my little sister home from the hospital. I was 4… and my two older sisters were at school, so I got to ‘have the baby to myself‘ for a few hours before they got home. I am closest with my little sister to this day. Although very close to the one a year older as well. (The 3rd doesn’t speak to me or my baby sister… she is nuts. Way more nuts than I am.)

What is the worst present you ever got?
This will sound bad… and the gift itself wasn’t terrible… but I was a mess! It was a bracelet that cost too much and I felt so guilty having it that I cried for hours. (And it was Christmas…) I ultimately returned it and gave half the money back to the gift-giver… I was ‘required‘ to keep the other half.

Quick, what’s on your right?
Coffee. (Funny, I started writing this earlier… and this was my answer. Now it’s 9pm-ish and I have coffee again – decaf now, though… I’ve got to sleep eventually. I guess.)

coffee.

Have you ever met anybody famous?
*NSYNC… and for the record, Justin Timberlake was a total ass! I always hated him… still do. Joey and JC, by far the coolest. And JC’s voice… by far the best. (I’ll never understand why Justin got all the attention and promotion.) Plus JC was (kinda still is) delicious. (I don’t know this for certain… I did not taste him. But if I thought it was appropriate, I would have.) By the way, this was never my kind of music… (poppy boy band stuff) but who couldn’t like ‘Bye Bye Bye‘? Oooh, maybe this is my guilty pleasure! Though I haven’t listened to them for years…

What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Christmas morning — we sleep over Mom’s on Christmas Eve (after I’ve had plenty of her delicious champagne punch — the one time of year I always drink… okay, not when I was pregnant). Two of my sisters (not the one who doesn’t speak to me), my brother-in-law and my nephew also stay over. The gift exchanging is fun with the kids… and then Mom makes blueberry pancakes and bacon. And sometimes a bunch of other stuff. Yum.

receive bacon.

Damn… now I want bacon.

 

Posted in personal, writing | Tagged , , , | 17 Comments

weekly perk. #18

weekly perk.

Give it and get it.

I suppose this is my way of saying “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” without saying those words. I cannot use that quote seriously because a friend of mine from a long time ago – I think 7th grade – made this line so funny I always think of him when I hear it… and I laugh.

A teacher of ours began the line… “do unto others…” and when she looked to the class to complete the thought, Tommy spoke up and said “before they do unto you!

Maybe something is wrong with me, but I found this so amusing. Ahh, yes, the Golden Ruleget them before they get you!

Back to our regularly scheduled program…

Give it and get it.

I want people to be nice to me… so I try to be nice to everyone. Even people who annoy the fuck out of me. I have trouble sometimes when I encounter stupid people. I have a VERY low tolerance for stupidity. But still, I try. Okay, I’m totally off topic again. I should probably edit this when I’m done. But I’m sure I won’t.

Give it and get it.

In last week’s perk, I mentioned a few things that make me happy. This week, I realized that a couple of special things make me more than happy. And they’re words. As a writer (I still feel weird calling myself that… why? I write constantly!), I already know the impact words can have, the emotions they bring to life. But I never really connected that to my reality quite like this.

I’m sure I’m making no sense at all and don’t know how to explain myself but I’ll try. When these words are expressed to me… for me… they affect me internally. They do something for me on a different level than the happiness of wonderfully unexpected emails and the sound of my kids laughing. They may sound like ordinary words but they make me feel so good. I never realized just how deeply until recently. I think it’s because these words have rarely been spoken (or written) to me in my life. (Not saying that because I feel sorry for myself – not at all – just an honest observation.)

I’ve been thinking about this and it has made me wonder if I do this for anyone. Do I say things that give someone that warm, wonderful feeling inside? I’ve become extra-conscious of everything I say… because I want to be a person who makes others feel this thing-I-cannot-explain. And I believe that if I give it, I will get it. And I want it.

Beautiful.
I’m not an egotistical person. If you’ve been around here for a while, I’m sure you know I’m quite the opposite. I have received some lovely compliments in my life for both my internal and external qualities. But there’s one word that feels special. Although it’s most commonly used as a superficial, external adjective, it’s means more than that to me. Beautiful. I don’t hear it often – I’ve gone years without anyone using it to describe me in any way. But when someone does use it, I feel… well, beautiful… in every way.

I miss you.
These words are not uncommon at all. But can’t you just tell when someone really means them? I think I can. And I love the way they make me feel.

                I want you to notice… when I’m not around… (Radiohead | Creep)

Everyone wants to feel special. And knowing that someone notices when I’m not around… that makes me feel special [so fucking special… (thanks Radiohead)]. And I make sure to tell people when I notice they’re not around… and tell them I miss them. And tell them they’re so fucking special… to me.

divider dots. red.

Had to choose a version that’s not “cleaned up”… ‘very’ does not have the same impact as ‘fucking’…


☼ Perky. Only $19.95 (plus shipping and handling)
Posted in the perk, weekly perk, writing | Tagged , , , , | 64 Comments

envy: a limerick.

envy.

envy.
Just like you, I wanted to be

Confident, fearless, worry-free.
But you hid your blues,
An elaborate ruse.
All along you wanted to be me.

small-dot-divider-green


Mind and Life Matters limerick poetry challenge – prompt: envy
Posted in challenge, poetry, writing | Tagged , , , , | 37 Comments

real.

bed.

You whisper the perfect words
Make my insides warm and tingly
Your smile makes me blush
I know what you’re thinking
I crawl across the bed
To give you everything

You take it
And you give back to me.

But none of it is real.

dots.

With a yawn I open my eyes
Wishing my dream never ended
My hand covers my sad heart
My sigh nearly brings tears
I turn my head on the pillow
And see you lying beside me

Your eyes open
And you reach for me.

Everything is real.

heart.

♦ what sandra thinks
Posted in poetry, writing | Tagged , , | 50 Comments

the cruelest bitch.

f you.

She doesn’t visit everyone
But I’m one of the lucky ones.
Sometimes she has a reason
And I know she’s coming
But she usually pops by
Unannounced.
I hate her.
She makes my fingers
Unable to type
Unable to function at all.
She makes me think
My heart is quitting
At her very presence.
She frightens me
When she takes my breath
And fucks it all up
Until I feel so dizzy
I have to lie down…
Then I’m hot, sweating.
Shortly I will need
That extra blanket
For my chills.
I hate her.
She stays too long.
I can’t quite kick her out.
And even when she leaves,
Her cruel gifts linger.
And I am left
Exhausted
In the place
Where I think
This may be the end
Of me.

f you candy.

♦ what sandra thinks
Posted in poetry, writing | Tagged , , | 41 Comments

words lost.

undress.

Every time we meet
The perfect words
Flood my mind
Screaming to be written
I rush to pen and paper
To record my every thought
Before they are lost
But then you kiss me
And I’m distracted
So we get naked

heart.

♦ what sandra thinks
Posted in poetry, writing | Tagged , , | 21 Comments