the year was 2020.

And that year is over. ‘Yay‘ I guess? But contrary to what many seem to think, the clock striking midnight on January 1st didn’t suddenly send us to the comfort of the before times.

I thought I’d try finding some good from the past year. I was going to write a list, by month, of good things from 2020. But then I realized that was ludicrous. In typical Sandra-fashion, every time I came up with something ‘good‘, my brain immediately said… ‘but‘. I guess it’s just my way. Might as well accept it.

January – 2020 is gonna be my year!
But… It was not my year. It hasn’t been my year since about 19##. Wait, if I fill in those digits, I’ll give away my real age. So yeah, 2020 was not my year. It was probably nobody’s year.

February – I got a new oven. I won’t go into detail as to why this was huge and life-changing. Just trust me.
But… I started baking like a maniac and probably gained ten pounds.

March – The kids are home with me all the time now.
But… The kids are home with me all the time now.

April – I had fun doing math I forgot I knew how to do. I even got on calls with a couple of my daughter’s friends in different grades to help them with their math. Math is my thing. One of my things. There’s also the coffee thing and the design thing and the whole darkness thing.
But… We had to have Easter at my house for the first time ever instead of at Mom’s with my sisters. It was sad and disappointing.

May – I noticed my finances improving because I stopped spending money since I barely leave the house.
But… I barely leave the house.

June – I had a birthday.
But… I have aged. Like, I’ve aged about a year per month since March.

July – I managed to sneak in two trips to visit Mom during lighter virus restrictions.
But… Who the fuck knows when I’ll be able to visit her again?

August – I read a bazillion books.
But… I didn’t do much else. And hearing about all the shit people are accomplishing during quarantine really gets on my nerves. Stop rubbing it in. Yeah, you’re super productive. Goody for you. Now shut the fuck up.

My final total was actually 159.

September – Back to school. Yay!
But… School is remote. And so… the kids are home with me all the time.

October – Why can’t I remember what happened in October? Was I in an isolation-induced haze? Maybe I was on a Halloween-candy-induced high?
But… Halloween was basically cancelled.

November – Biden won! Woo fucking hoo!
But… We couldn’t have our traditional yearly party at Mom’s for my kid’s birthday. And Thanksgiving was sad. No big family dinner. It just wasn’t the same.

December – Christmas at our home with just the four of us was better than I expected. I told my kids and husband that I was worried I would be inconsolable having to spend the holiday without my mom and sisters for the first time in my life. I told them they needed to stick a sunshine stick up their asses and make it a good Christmas—no kids arguing, no husband being Cranky McCrankypants. Yes, I used those exact words. And it worked! We even had game night on Christmas Eve! Haven’t been able to get the whole family to do that for years. We had fun. Plus Christmas cookies!
But… By some time on December 26th, it seemed that my family removed their sunshine sticks. And the cookies are gone.


Other thoughts…
I have not been in my house alone since March 12th. That’s nearly ten months, people! Ten fucking long months. When I have a virtual appointment with my MH NP, I sit in the car so I have privacy. Not kidding. I do that.

Explicit detail follows…
My vibrator isn’t quiet enough and my house isn’t big enough so we kind of broke up. It’s heartbreaking. We were so close. I miss him. I’m thinking of getting a newer model that’s quieter, but I’ll still be afraid to get caught and have to come up with some lame-ass explanation.

Kind of a big deal…
One of my sisters works for Pfizer. So that’s pretty cool what with the vaccine and all.

Words and phrases overused in 2020 that I hope to never hear again…
Mindful/mindfulness. New normal. The ‘rona. (Oh my god, fucking shoot me.) Sounds like a you problem. Zoom. Quarantine Pod. Spill the tea. Social distancing. (It’s *physical* distancing, people. We need to keep a physical distance, not a social one. Well, unless you’re me. I need social distance, too. But I sure as fuck don’t call it that.) Literally (used incorrectly). Extra (used like a tween). Remote learning. Mask. (And yes, I wear a mask when I’m supposed to. I just hate it.)

As for 2021…
Well, my egg yolk broke this morning when I was making breakfast so that ruined my day. This is not a good start.

Ugh. Is that how 2021 is gonna be?

p.s. — I love how it took me until January 5th… five days… to finish writing this post. And I’d love to tell you it’s because my life is so full of fascinating and wonderful things, so I’m just going to go with that.

©2021 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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24 Responses to the year was 2020.

  1. gigglingfattie says:

    Totally hoping for some changes in 2021! Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, you just made my day, if not my month, and the way things are going, possibly my year.

    Happy New Year Sandra. It is so good to see you, and hear you (read you) sounding more like your (old) former self. May your year be a healthy one, with some nice surprises and lots of good writing and reading. Oh, and may you find the perfect new vibrator! Love and hugs (socially distanced of course!)

    Liked by 2 people

    • Distance hugs are the worst. I would like some real ones. I could use them. Hugs are good for you. Like medically speakingDid you know that? I read an article once about that.

      I’m glad my post brought you even the littlest bit of joy. I am doing alright… maybe getting back to that former self you mentioned. I really do want to post more here, but I find that I lack inspiration since I kind of have no life. I rarely leave my house. My human interactions are limited even more than they already were before all this happened.

      And your comment made my day for sure. I love knowing that I’ve made someone happy, even a little. So thank you! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Ogden Fahey says:

    A new oven! Lucky you! Oh how I’d love a new oven – its so complicated, the unit won’t take a deeper oven, and we would have to rewire the house too, cos the wiring is old – its a long story, oh well, the one we have works, but its just not that good – I envy your oven, I do!

    Sad about the vibro – same here to a larger extent, there’s always someone here – I love to have the place. to myself! Why don’t people understand?? We need to get sheds ! XX

    Liked by 1 person

    • I lived with an oven that couldn’t maintain a consistent temperature for years. It was awful… especially since I love to bake. But things kept happening to prevent me from replacing it. I wanted to hug the thing when I finally got it hooked up.

      My mom said the same thing about me needing a shed! But she does not know the ‘adult toy’ part of it!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ogden Fahey says:

        Ours went kaput, we got a new one, but its small, so I’d really like a bigger more modern one, but it won’t fit in the space – plus the electrical wiring is questionable for higher wattage – we need a new house !! I had a lovely gas oven years ago, I miss that beauty now! 😀 ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Lol I enjoy reading your posts so much, it’s just so awesome when you don’t sugar coat things and just speak your mind!
    Happy new year Sandra ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Pradyot says:

    Wish you a very Happy New Year! Keep the flow of words going.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. mydangblog says:

    Happy New Year, good riddance to last year, and let’s hope there are fewer ‘but’s this year!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. jrvincente says:

    I couldn’t write, I couldn’t read, I couldn’t blog… It took me until 2021 to get back on my feet, so to speak. I totally get you.

    Also, I have spent many hours in my car to get privacy for my mental health appointments, and I don’t think I’ve been alone in my house since… before March. I don’t even know. You’re not alone!


  8. Hi! I’ve been so bad about following the reader and I haven’t seen your posts. Sounds like Christmas Eve was fun at your house! 2020 sure did suck but please thank your sister for her company creating the Pfizer vaccine. A much needed hope for us all! I miss you 😢. Write more🎈❤️🥰

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Pingback: 31 questions | march 13. | what sandra thinks

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