dear diary | r – relationship #atozchallenge

Dear Diary,

Chemistry was awkward this morning. For me. It was the first time I’d seen Ethan since the Dylan ‘incident’. But it wasn’t just that. It was Hannah and the party and… just… all of it.

I knew I wasn’t myself and Ethan could tell. Of course, I couldn’t say anything. How the hell could I possibly explain that I was afraid I was losing him when I never had him in the first place? I’m too invested in a relationship that probably only exists in my head.

I know… I really need to stop assuming things. Maybe he is invested. I mean… the infirmary… and the library… and the doodles. And today… when I know I was acting weird… he noticed. Next to the cute worried face he drew in his notebook, he expressed genuine concern. ‘You ok?

I kind of lied when I gave him a half-assed smile and nodded. And I think he knew I wasn’t really okay.

He definitely cares. We’re friends. But I really don’t know if I’m capable of making the first move. But maybe it’s not the first move. Maybe he already did that… at the infirmary… or the library… or every time he draws cute little pictures in class.

I don’t know what to do. And that’s my problem—not knowing what to do—because I will end up doing nothing. Except watch Hannah throw herself at him at the party tomorrow night. But I shouldn’t let her keep me from going to the biggest party of the year. Besides… I’m sure Dylan will be there. And he’ll flirt with me because that’s what he does.

I should make sure Hannah sees me with him. He’s one conquest that’s always eluded her.

what sandra thinks

• • •
‘Dear Diary’ is fiction based on actual events.
Any similarities to your college life is purely coincidental.
Any similarities to mine is entirely intentional.

©2018 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy, too. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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43 Responses to dear diary | r – relationship #atozchallenge

  1. Ah, two can play that game. It backfires sometimes though. I smell fireworks coming at this party. 😃

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Miriam says:

    Yep, big fireworks coming.


  3. Meg says:

    No fireworks? I’m actually more intrigued … and I’m trying to guess what “S” will stand for!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. gigglingfattie says:

    I’m going to be so sad when this story is over!! I am LOVING it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks… I’m so glad you love it! I’m going to be sad when it’s over! I have no idea what I’m going to write after this!

      Liked by 1 person

      • gigglingfattie says:

        but I remember how much you were struggling to write before, and this story is turning out great!! Hopefully this was just what you needed to break that block. I follow a few writing prompt boards on Pinterest and they give lots of good ideas – maybe they could help you too?

        Liked by 1 person

        • For some reason, I never seem to have good luck with prompts. I don’t know why… maybe because it came from someone else, it doesn’t inspire me? I’m not sure. I think my brain also tells me that I should be able to come up with my own ideas or what’s the point of writing? Which is ridiculous! Maybe my head is telling me it’s not really all my own? It’s silly, I know.

          Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh no, then you’ll flirt with Dylan and Ethan will see and it’s going to be a big misunderstanding! Don’t do it!! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Marquessa says:

    Dylan should give Hannah a taste of her own medecin!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. jrvincente says:

    Oh boy! I hope she goes to the party!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hunida says:

    aw.. he’s so sweet!! ❤ Ethan!!! ❤ I love the little doodles, too!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. “I’m too invested in a relationship that probably only exists in my head.” — been there. Even when I didn’t want to end up there! Ethan seems like the real deal, though.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Pingback: dear diary | a-to-z links #atozchallenge | what sandra thinks

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