song of the day. #53 #music

It’s not always about knowing what is good and what is bad for me. In fact, sometimes, I know exactly which it is. Yet that doesn’t stop me from making the wrong choice. It’s like my mind has a mind of its own. [I know… that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.]

I have a theory about the reason for this. It’s a comfort thing… a fear thing… a struggle thing. Maybe it’s just me (I doubt it), but I tend toward what’s comfortable… what doesn’t frighten me… what’s easier for me. Unfortunately, that is sometimes often the wrong way to go.

I want to punch someone when I hear, “Get out of your comfort zone.” Or puke. Ugh. While I do think there is some truth to that being a good thing, I also think when someone says that, they’re putting WAY too much pressure on me. I am fully aware that I struggle to get out of my comfort zone some a lot of the time. [That’s what anxiety does to a person…] But someone telling me to do so doesn’t help. In fact, it makes me feel worse because if I can’t manage to do it, I feel like a failure. So not only do I feel like I’ve made a bad decision… but I feel like a failure, too. Not helpful.

Reverting to the comfortable thing doesn’t even feel like a decision for me most of the time. It just happens. Maybe I’m not strong enough. Oh, hell, I know I’m not strong enough. I might even start to go in the right direction… but so many times, I end up turning around.

This song isn’t about that ^ specifically… it’s more about trying to escape a relationship that one keeps going back to. But it’s the same theme, really. Going back to what I know rather than finally leaving it behind to find something new… and better?

swirly
In a way, I need a change
From this burnout scene
Another time, another town
Another everything
But it’s always back to you

Stumble out, in the night
From the pouring rain
Made the block, sat and thought
There’s more I need
It’s always back to you

But I’m good without ya
Yeah, I’m good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

How many times can I break ’til I shatter?
Over the line can’t define what I’m after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I’m shattered
I always turn the car around

I had no idea that the night
Would take so damn long
Took it out, on the street
While the rain still falls
Push me back to you

But I’m good without ya
Yeah, I’m good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

How many times can I break ’til I shatter?
Over the line can’t define what I’m after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I shatter
I always turn the car around

[…]

song of the day

song of the day
Obviously I am not the owner of any rights to this song, video, or lyrics… just everything else… which isn’t much… ©2018 what sandra thinks
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About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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28 Responses to song of the day. #53 #music

  1. Doesn’t sound like you’re up for a pep talk, so ill digress, and just say that you’re not alone in that kinda mindset. Your brain having a mind of its own makes sense to me. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The V Pub says:

    There truly is wisdom in getting out of your comfort zone. You may not want to, but when you do it, chances are that you’ll find it exhilarating. That can set off a chain reaction in changes to the way that you think and live your life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t doubt that doing the different or opposite thing can be a great thing. I will say, though, that not doing it isn’t always because I don’t want to… it’s because of that part of my brain that I seem to have no control over that stops me. It doesn’t feel like a decision at all. I realize I am messed up… 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • The V Pub says:

        It can be. You won’t believe it until you try. But think about this – if you never try then you’ll never change where you are. If where you are is what you want, then certainly don’t do anything differently.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I totally understand what you’re saying. If one is unhappy, something needs to change. But I have no idea how to explain what goes on in my head that stops me. It’s super frustrating, believe me…

          Like

  3. sorryless says:

    i never really understood that whole “comfort zone” thing. Hell, aren’t ultra-successful people IN their comfort zone? lol. Doing what they love and doing it better than anyone IS comfort.

    I understand that I simplified the hell out of that, but I think that’s what people who proclaim that a person should step out of their comfort zone are doing as well. Making simple pie of the complicated math.

    Don’t let ’em get you down.

    Peace

    PS- I dig the choice of song

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pretty damn fine song Sandra, linked in marvellously with the analysis of song and self. Keep up the good work!

    Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Dezaray says:

    I have a hard time doing what’s good for me as well, I too feel like my mind is against me. I love that song, though! Comfort zones are safe, I agree, but I love the rush I get stepping out. I have anxiety sometimes myself, but there are times I just say F it because I’m in an F it mood, and my feet are moving before I can change my mind. It seems deep down you really want to step out, and I believe you can and will in your own time. If not all at once, but little by little. (:

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think that when I’m ready and I’m able to do something out of my norm, I will. But having someone tell me to “get out of my comfort zone”? I hate that. It’s not like I can just do it. My brain doesn’t work that way. It’s not like someone telling me to wash the dishes. I can’t just do it on command, you know?

      Like

      • Dezaray says:

        Yes, I know, trust me. I’ve been “shy” all my life, but really it just takes me awhile to fully be myself around people. My face will turn RED in situations I am not comfortable in, or I will just shut down completely, sometimes. It’s not fun. But yes, it’s all about doing things in your own time, finding your voice, all that lala stuff. All I can say is you’re doing your best, that’s all we can really do, love. Fuck ’em (:

        Liked by 1 person

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