all dried up.

vintage typewriter.

It has been a long time since I wrote any poetry or fiction or anything else from my imagination. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I hate it. I used to be creative… full of ideas. Now I’m just writing yet another post about how I don’t write anything anymore. It makes me so sad. I don’t fully understand what happened to me. I’m just not there anymore.

I truly believe that I’m finished. And that makes me wonder why I’m here. I don’t think I’m ever going to write anything fictional or poetic again. Nothing decent, at least. I suppose I could force it and come up with something terrible. But I think I’m all dried up. Like a shriveled up leaf… barely hanging on… soon to be blown off the tree… into a pile of others like me… until I turn to dust.

Poof.

I stole this from a very old post of mine. It’s kind of how I feel lately…

            I’m a picket barely hanging onto my rail on an abandoned fence, 
            Swaying in the wind, waiting for a gust to rip me free…

            So I can fall face down into the dirt beneath.

Yeah. That’s me.

©2017 what sandra thinks

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About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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42 Responses to all dried up.

  1. But you know what happens when it falls to the ground? It starts to rot, then it starts to feed all manner of things. Bugs, plants, fungus, worms. Then things start to grow, and they get bigger and bigger. Then they start to flower, and produce seeds, and the seeds are spread far and wide. The seeds produce even more good things, and so it goes, on and on.

    Just like you will do.

    Hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Cyranny says:

    *Hugs* I hope you’ll feel better soon… Inspiration is a sneaky thing. It comes and goes, and you can’t tame it… Just hang around, and it’ll come back 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Trust me as someone who has gone through years of being non creative. It does return. I know this is going to sound very obvious, but you have to put down how you feel, until you like how it sounds. For me along my journey of creativity I have found several sources of inspiration. Things that inspire me are being in love, or the opposite, being in pain. (and what i would call being level or neutral – its the spaces in between those three where i get stuck).

    Also finding the work of other peers that pulls and pushes my emotions long enough to feel something other than how I feel when not feeling creative, and inspire me to want to aspire to being able to create something that gets me closer to feeling like I am a worthy creative. (aspiration?)

    And on rare occasions, sometimes I can create my ‘best’ work simply by just seeing what comes out when I sit down to create. The source to creative inspiration is kind of like love, stop looking for it and it will come to you, and other times, by god go out there and grab it by the kahunas. <- I have no idea if that is spelt correctly.

    I have been a great admirer of your works here, and your mind since I discovered you, and even with posts like these, I never look away, because I get so much out of seeing you progress and work through your struggles, and when you do post your work I am always amazed.

    SO what is on your mind, what are you, or have you been personally facing recently that you want or need to express?

    Write with what is in your heart, your soul, no matter the shade, the colour, write it until it is no longer within you. We believe in you Sandra!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I feel like I’ve tried it all. I don’t have the “in love” feeling but I definitely have the “in pain” feeling. That seems to only help me write crap about how I feel… and that’s no fun for anyone to read. Sometimes, I think it makes the pain worse. Things have felt hopeless lately. Clearly, I’m in a bad place!

      I have had periods like this before but never for this long. 😦

      Like

      • I understand I really do. Most of my writing are posts like this one. And I too get that guilty feeling, like I’m only spreading more ‘negativity’. But I also realised that sometimes to write it out, actually creates room for something new (not always of course) but most of the time I felt a lot better after getting it off my chest, and knowing that someone else, whom understands has read it, and has not hated belittled me for not being ‘happy’. I went through a couple of months of pure bliss not to long ago. The first time I felt naturally happy, and genuinely alive. However with everything going on, I now find myself with a knott in my stomache, and feeling very anxious. Mainly because everything in my life seems to be unanswered or unresolved. Mix this with an unhealthy amount of solitude, and stress inducing lethargy = recipe for disaster. So I have done the only thing I can think of to at least attempt to resolve, or find answers to some of my questions.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Yeah, things have not been going great for me lately. I know that’s at least part of what’s causing this. Maybe it’s all of it… I’m not sure. But I feel like something in my life needs to change before this will change. Which is really difficult because I have very little control, if any, over the things that are troubling me.

          Like

  4. You need a different angle🤔 Do something completely different, try not to be ‘productive’, forcing yourself to deliver. Write down 10 random items each on a piece of paper, shake and pick one. Write max two pages about this item. Shape, color, what it reminds you off. Just bleed.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Tony Burgess says:

    Go have some coffee somewhere with only a pen and pad of paper and just watch people coming and going. Perhaps go to a park and people watch. Most importantly breathe. You will get your mojo back soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Ashley Hyun says:

    That’s not true. You’re still very poetic the way you are and I honestly love how consistent you always are. Oftentimes, when I have a writer’s block, I just give up writing completely, but not you. You’re on my feed almost 24/7, and I can never help it but to read them because your posts are always interesting. Don’t force yourself to create something, just go with the flow.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I don’t believe this at all. You know my position. I’ll spare you cliche-ridden pep talk, and just send some hugs and an empathetic ear. But…..I don’t believe that to be the case. 😕

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Marquessa says:

    I don’t think that you are done. You are frustrated and that’s normal. You can’t push yourself. I also won’t be all “pollyanna” on you tonight. Just remember that you have support!

    Liked by 1 person

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