bitchfest | w – writing #atozchallenge

#atozchallenge 2017 | bitchfest | what sandra thinks

w | writing

Hear me out…

I love writing. I really do. But maybe I love it on my own terms. Is that the same as loving writing? Maybe… maybe not. I love to write what I want to write. Could I ever, though it seems like a great idea, write for a living in a role that requires me to write on a specific topic, not of my choosing? Maybe I could. But I’m not sure. Maybe because I’m not a real writer.

I’ve always leaned toward the belief that a real writer is a published author or one who writes professionally in some other capacity. Is that true? Or is it all a matter of opinion? In a literal sense, if I write, I’m a writer. But in the same sense, if I run, I’m a runner. But I am not a real runner… I’m probably just being chased.

I play around with poetry yet really have no idea what I’m doing. I’ve written fiction since I was a kid but I don’t know if I’m following any of the ‘rules’ (which I don’t believe in anyway). Maybe some of it… the poetry and the fiction… is even good. I don’t know how to judge my own work. I only know if I like it. Does this make me a writer? I don’t know. I never thought so.

Am I just talking myself out of the label writer because I’m too afraid to pursue it? Because I don’t think I could get any sort of writing job? Because I don’t think I’m good enough to be published?

vintage typewriter.

Besides questioning myself far too often, I think the real ‘bitch‘ here is frustration.

When I’m desperate to get words on paper (or screen) and none appear.

When I know I could write if my random mixed up thoughts would coalesce.

When I can’t seem to stop letting every little thing distract me.

When I think I’d be happy if I could get a writing job but then realize that I may hate it or suck at it.

When I am so frustrated that I actually cry over it. (This is, perhaps, not as severe a reaction in me as it might be in others.)

I do love writing. And I hate writing. I guess this is true of almost anything. The love/hate thing. Anything. Except coffee.

wave

what sandra thinks @ redbubble

#atozchallenge | bitchfest
© 2017 what sandra thinks
Advertisements

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves music, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
This entry was posted in challenge, writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

47 Responses to bitchfest | w – writing #atozchallenge

  1. The V Pub says:

    Coffee and Coldplay. Just sayin’….

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Whatever anyone says, I think you are a writer. And your work IS published – here, on your blog. Sure you might not get paid for it but its still here and I think that makes you a writer!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks… 🙂 I never really count here as published… but I guess it is, in a way. Still doesn’t fit into my mind’s definition of a writer, though. I’d love to get paid for it… Like, for what I write now. Basically, keep doing what I’m doing but get a big fat paycheck for it. Ha! Yeah, that’s not asking too much. 😛

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hehe! You could always put a paypal link on your blog?

        Liked by 1 person

        • You know… I made a paypal account for ‘what sandra thinks’ but I couldn’t figure out how the hell I’d put a link asking for anything for nothing, know what I mean? It feels kind of obnoxious. Oh, plus I couldn’t get around entering my full name. Not a total tragedy… but I’ve never given out my full name…

          And then I created the bitch store… which I knew would generate zero sales. Who’s going to wear that? Mostly I did it because ‘bitchfest’ sounds like a concert tour… so it has to have tour shirts. LOL Maybe I need to create more products for that store. At least then people would get something for their ‘donation’… I don’t know. It still seems obnoxious. I don’t know how to ask people for things. Hell, my sister volunteered to pay for the kids’ karate classes and every time a new payment comes due, I stress over having to ask her for it even though she’s said not to ever feel that way!

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Simon says:

    Hi ya Sandra… Nice post. Anything we do is normally either because we want to or we have to for money. If you can combine it then you’re lucky!

    I would like to be able to do it for fun. But basically if you want to – do it 😊

    How are you?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. magarisa says:

    I relate SO well to this post!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I get it! Writing can be a love/hate thing for me. I just can’t seem to stop…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Meg Sorick says:

    Every writing forum I have ever visited has writers asking themselves and their fellow writers this question. The problem is that NON-writers don’t think of us as writers unless we are published/getting paid/making a living at writing. That attitude is out there. Trust me… none of my real world friends would ever refer to me as a writer if someone asked them. And that totally sucks. HOWEVER I think it’s true of all the arts. Unless it’s your means of supporting yourself, painting, music, dance, theater, writing…. outsiders don’t CALL you that. But we can’t let others define what we are. So you are a writer, a real one!

    Liked by 2 people

    • You’re right — it is the same for all the arts. Maybe I’m an outsider because my brain kind of works that way, too… if it’s not your job, it doesn’t count. I don’t know why I think that way… No one in my life calls me a writer… or anything else like that that I do… baker, artist, etc. I do those things but I’m not a baker or an artist… or a writer. Unless I am. lol

      Like

  7. I don’t think you have to be a professional to be considered a “whatever”. You don’t even necessarily have to be particularly good at “whatever”. For example, I consider myself a beach bum, but I don’t get paid for it. I consider myself a whitewater kayaker, but I don’t get paid a dime. I consider myself a surfer, but I’ve never entered a contest. I consider myself a photographer, but I rarely get paid for it. But, all those things are passions, and things I do for me. Do you love writing? Do you enjoy writing? If so, you’re a writer. Rave reviews and a paycheck aren’t the only requisites to be considered “something”. 😃

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Anyone who writes is a writer. I’ve sometimes seen the published/unpublished distinction used for describing oneself as an author, but that’s different. And yes, writing can be the most frustrating thing in the world, but it can be awfully rewarding too!
    operationawesome6.blogspot.com/

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Marquessa says:

    You are a writer dear! Plain and simple.😚

    Liked by 2 people

  10. shanjeniah says:

    Writers write. I’ve been doing it since I was seven. I’ve made enough money to maybe buy my family of four a nice meal or two (MAYBE – I have a teen and another hovering on the edge of teendom).

    I’m still a writer. Because writers write. And I write.

    I have no intention of writing things that don’t fire me up. There’s something forced and dutiful about that which dries up my passion. What I write passionately is always far superior!

    For decades, I wrote Star Trek fan fiction – hundreds of thousands of words’ worth. All in spiral bound notebooks I stuck in a cupboard, because I was ashamed of the way I couldn’t resist these characters who spoke so clearly in my head (and it’s all but impossible to ignore or resist Vulcans – or is that just me?). I felt like I was “wasting time”.

    Then I took a leap of faith, and started posting on a fan fiction site. And now others read and enjoy (or don’t) my words – and I’ve realized that fan fiction is my playground and learning lab. It’s where I hone new skills and develop the ones I have.

    I say, write what you want. It could be worth looking at the rules – I don’t believe there are many that are hard and fast, but some make decent guidelines, and others remind me of why I’m not much of a “rules” person.

    Write what and when you want, for your own reason or no reason at all.

    You are a writer.

    By the way, I loved this post. It pulled me in, and I feel I know you better on the other side of it. That makes this good writing. =D

    Slices of an Unschooling Life
    @shanjeniah
    Indie Writer, Mom-in-Chief, and Joyful Learning Facilitator
    Shan Jeniah’s Lovely Chaos

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks so much for sharing this! I totally understand what you’re saying… where you’re coming from. I’ve often thought that since I love to write, I should try to get a job doing that. But I think that might bring me negative feelings about writing… and I don’t want that!

      I’ve come across all sorts of writing ‘rules’… but most of them seem ridiculous. If everyone followed all of these rules, everyone’s writing would be too similar… in style anyway, even if not in content. I remember this one list I found of words you should never use. For many of them, there’s no logical substitute that wasn’t also listed! Sure some words are overused… so mix it up. But forbidden words? I have trouble accepting that.

      Like you, I hid away all of my writing for years. Boxes of notebooks under the bed… never to be shared. It was hard for me to begin sharing here because I assumed the only person who would enjoy my writing was me. Turns out I was wrong… (It happens occasionally…)

      I’m glad you enjoyed the post… Thanks so much for reading!

      Like

  11. You’re a writer. Ditto what Marquessa and shanjeniah said. You write, you’re a writer. It doesn’t matter if you do it for a job or are published or whatever. If you can’t get through a day without at least thinking about writing, yer a writer. ‘Nuf said. 😀

    Disclaimer: I’m a fiction writer (had a couple short stories published many years ago), but my day job is technical writing. Different mindset, and tech writing can be dull, but I keep reminding myself I’m getting paid to write. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • My day job is non-existent… I can’t figure out if I’d be able to handle a writing job even though it seems like such an obvious path to follow. I don’t need to worry about that, though, because I have no background or experience so I would never be hired as a writer anyway. Hell, I may never be hired at all… as anything…!

      Like

      • Start small. One of the kids in Brownies or Cub Scouts? Write up a promo for them for a fundraiser. Got a library in your town? Ask if they need someone to write up an announcement for the summer reading program. Are you a church-goer? Ask if you can write up a quick note about next week’s mission trip. Hell, write up a little piece about how much your kids like the new playground equipment and see if the local paper will run it. Little things, then you can use those as part of your portfolio.

        And I’m not even going to say anything about pessimism. Nope. Not gonna. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • Haha… The library and the newspaper are really the only (remote) possibilities. No scouts or church for us… PTO at school is kind of clique-y (yes… adults). Plus school gets out in about 7 weeks. I don’t mean to be so negative… I really don’t. I’ve been feeling less negative lately! I just can’t seem to do these sorts of things… even the ones that are (remotely) possible. Maybe I really do only want to write what I want to write. I don’t know… I don’t understand me!! 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  12. If you have ever been paid… your a writer. At least to me. Published a book… Author.. just my opinion I suppose but Writer is how I describe my profession and when they ask if I write book’s I say I’m not an Author… for whatever the reason it makes sense in my head so I go with it. Of course I also tell people I have a pet Velociraptor named Chompy… so you know, take that as you will. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Agree 100% it’s a love/hate thing…..I’m so thankful you write though 😌

    Liked by 1 person

  14. pluviolover says:

    My bitch: You are a writer! This imposter syndrome BS makes it all harder. I think you are even a good writer. You are also a poet. Deal with it! Quitcher bitchen and write somthin’.

    Liked by 1 person

thoughts? talk to me.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s