Everything ends. Whether in my control or not, everything ends. This song will end. This story will end. I will end. Some endings suck. Some are the best things that could ever happen.
As a writer (hey, you keep telling me I really am one), I hate the end. It’s the worst part. I struggle every time. I hate ending a story. I know it’s why I had so much trouble ending ‘Secret Admirer’ last week. And when I did… I knew it would be painful but I underestimated just how strongly it would affect me. I cried… and I’m still not over it.
And there’s this other story… I’ve been writing it for about 4 years (or is it 5?). I’ve posted tiny pieces of it here — one Friday — and a few other pieces before. I was going to link them here, but I changed my mind… maybe you’ll guess! Of course, I do mess with names all the time so it’s probably not obvious. In fact, I have never used the actual names of the main characters from the ‘real’ story anywhere on this blog. It’s like they’re my secret-special-characters and I’m keeping them for myself by not sharing their ‘real’ names… even if I share pieces of their story. Also, I am a freak.
This story, as yet untitled (let’s call it… JSP… that seems cryptic enough), is currently in the vicinity of 180,000 words. Really. 180k. I came to a point around 140k where it could have (and likely should have) ended… but I just had so much more story I wanted to tell… so many other little ideas. And I couldn’t let go. So when I arrived at that natural end-point, I kept going. It’s like I’m writing a television series… that should have been canceled about 3 seasons back. It’s not that what I’m writing isn’t good. It’s just not truly part of the original plot… or enough of another one to warrant a second stand-alone story.
Maybe someday, I’ll be able to cut myself off… to end the story where it should have ended.
But if I am honest with myself, I know what JSP really is. It’s my fake journal. It’s my fantasy life. It’s where I go to escape. If I end it, I lose my secret hiding place.
Why would I want to do that?