the ending deviation.

the end?

Everything ends. Whether in my control or not, everything ends. This song will end. This story will end. I will end. Some endings suck. Some are the best things that could ever happen.

As a writer (hey, you keep telling me I really am one), I hate the end. It’s the worst part. I struggle every time. I hate ending a story. I know it’s why I had so much trouble ending ‘Secret Admirer’ last week. And when I did… I knew it would be painful but I underestimated just how strongly it would affect me. I cried… and I’m still not over it.

And there’s this other story… I’ve been writing it for about 4 years (or is it 5?). I’ve posted tiny pieces of it here — one Friday — and a few other pieces before. I was going to link them here, but I changed my mind… maybe you’ll guess! Of course, I do mess with names all the time so it’s probably not obvious. In fact, I have never used the actual names of the main characters from the ‘real’ story anywhere on this blog. It’s like they’re my secret-special-characters and I’m keeping them for myself by not sharing their ‘real’ names… even if I share pieces of their story. Also, I am a freak.

This story, as yet untitled (let’s call it… JSP… that seems cryptic enough), is currently in the vicinity of 180,000 words. Really. 180k. I came to a point around 140k where it could have (and likely should have) ended… but I just had so much more story I wanted to tell… so many other little ideas. And I couldn’t let go. So when I arrived at that natural end-point, I kept going. It’s like I’m writing a television series… that should have been canceled about 3 seasons back. It’s not that what I’m writing isn’t good. It’s just not truly part of the original plot… or enough of another one to warrant a second stand-alone story.

Maybe someday, I’ll be able to cut myself off… to end the story where it should have ended.

But if I am honest with myself, I know what JSP really is. It’s my fake journal. It’s my fantasy life. It’s where I go to escape. If I end it, I lose my secret hiding place.

Why would I want to do that?


© 2016 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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37 Responses to the ending deviation.

  1. Marquessa says:

    I feel what you are saying. I feel similar to my Tyler and Delaney characters because they have been rolling around in my head since 1998. For me too, i would be sad to see it end. Then I realized that it doesn’t have to…it could evolve into more than story that evolves with me and the characters. Maybe yours could too. And i think that most writer’s write about their secret fantasy lives…which is a good thing!💕

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Aw man. The endings are the worst.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. dcp65 says:

    I love your writing … so at one level never want you to end … but also realise the integrity closure can bring …

    May your secret fantasy start – small step by small step – to be your reality


    Liked by 2 people

  4. VictoryInTrouble says:

    Yup, ending suck. And they zap me as a writer. And I also feel sort of this big let down when I finish something. That story I had such a hard time ending was probably around that long. It was 65 or 66 chapters or something. Long chapters. I still miss them and yeah, that was my fantasy too. It was close to my heart. But I wan’t to see your babies!! 😛

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Meg Sorick says:

    Oh, I feel ya! Which is exactly why my planned trilogy has morphed into a never ending series… because I couldn’t let them go either. I honestly think that if I ever give up on the books, the story will go on in my head anyway!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. mandibelle16 says:

    Sounds interesting Sandra. I’d love to read it when it’s complete. You might just have to have two parts to your story or three? That does seem to be why we love serials so much on blogs and for book series. One book is such a tiny space to cram so much in so it’s understandable 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Why not decide what goes in the book, and then put the rest in “chapters” online as you see fit? That way those who love the book can continue the story with you!

    Liked by 1 person

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