wonders of the holiday season.

In the spirit of this ‘most wonderful’ time of the year, I have compiled a list of the most joyous aspects of the season. Please feel free to share yours.

Top 8 Wonders of the Holiday Season

town-hall-xmas_1280

  1. It is painfully clear to me that the Elf on the Shelf is the love child of Chucky and a ventriloquist dummy. And all three scare the shit out of me.
  2. It is really challenging to keep the magic of Santa alive for my kids when my husband is a terrible liar and my son (age 10) questions everything he finds illogical. If I don’t have some damn good explanations, the magic is over for him.
  3. From Black Friday until January, I cannot even go into Target to buy fucking toilet paper without having to deal with crowds and gigantic checkout lines. I just want to buy this fucking TP. They should have a separate checkout line – not ‘10 items or less’ but more like ‘No Christmas or else.
  4. I fear for my life whenever I venture out more than a few blocks from my home. I honestly believe the average IQ of the local population drops 40 or more points during the holiday season. Seriously, do they all suddenly forget how to drive? Stop signs mean stop. Red lights don’t mean slam on the gas and pretend it was still yellow. And yes, God dammit, I was waiting for that parking spot and if you steal it, I will grab the snow shovel I keep in the back and smash the fuck out of your windshield with it.
  5. I adore Christmas specials from my childhood. For the love of Santa, stop trying to make sequels to classics from the 60s and 70s. The fuck? It cannot be done. Properly. Without a time machine.
  6. No one should ever have allowed Jim Carrey to ruin the Grinch. The Grinch is my hero. The real Grinch. From the book. And the original animation… with Boris Karloff. That is the Grinch.
  7. I am not skilled at pretending to be all joyful and shit.
  8. Santa never brings me what I really want.

xo

Advertisements

About what sandra thinks

Sandra began writing when she was a sixth grader. She is a teller of stories through poetry, fiction, and tales from her own life. And she thinks too much. Read, think, enjoy, laugh.
This entry was posted in holidays, humor, list, writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to wonders of the holiday season.

  1. lolabipola says:

    that actually made me LOL inside my head… I couldn’t get it to come out my mouth, but I loved that post

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I agree with everything on that list!! Except #6: I love the original Grinch, and I think it surpasses the Jim Carrey one! But I still enjoy both! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. sassandsauce says:

    Haha. The Elf toys sure are creepy. In fact I think all semi-life like dolls have turned creepy over the years. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  4. itsathought2 says:

    The original Grinch is the only Grinch. I cannot understand why they made that movie. It is perfect and as Dr. Suess intended in animation.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. stephieann8 says:

    Holy hell this was great! I agree with every dam thing! Preach on!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. So spot on! I second the last four. I third the last four!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Jonathan says:

    Hollywood isn’t happy until it’s packaged something, and sold it, and destroyed it, and discarded it, so they can package it again, and sell it again, and destroy it again, and discard it again, and…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Wandering Soul says:

    I will grab the snow shovel I keep in the back and smash the fuck out of your windshield with it.

    oh dear Lord, as much as i want to.. i just can’t imagine you doing that 😀

    Liked by 1 person

thoughts? talk to me.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s