wonders of the holiday season.

Posted on 15 December 2015 by what sandra thinks

In the spirit of this ‘most wonderful’ time of the year, I have compiled a list of the most joyous aspects of the season. Please feel free to share yours.

Top 8 Wonders of the Holiday Season

town-hall-xmas_1280

  1. It is painfully clear to me that the Elf on the Shelf is the love child of Chucky and a ventriloquist dummy. And all three scare the shit out of me.
  2. It is really challenging to keep the magic of Santa alive for my kids when my husband is a terrible liar and my son (age 10) questions everything he finds illogical. If I don’t have some damn good explanations, the magic is over for him.
  3. From Black Friday until January, I cannot even go into Target to buy fucking toilet paper without having to deal with crowds and gigantic checkout lines. I just want to buy this fucking TP. They should have a separate checkout line – not ‘10 items or less’ but more like ‘No Christmas or else.’
  4. I fear for my life whenever I venture out more than a few blocks from my home. I honestly believe the average IQ of the local population drops 40 or more points during the holiday season. Seriously, do they all suddenly forget how to drive? Stop signs mean stop. Red lights don’t mean slam on the gas and pretend it was still yellow. And yes, God dammit, I was waiting for that parking spot and if you steal it, I will grab the snow shovel I keep in the back and smash the fuck out of your windshield with it.
  5. I adore Christmas specials from my childhood. For the love of Santa, stop trying to make sequels to classics from the 60s and 70s. The fuck? It cannot be done. Properly. Without a time machine.
  6. No one should ever have allowed Jim Carrey to ruin the Grinch. The Grinch is my hero. The real Grinch. From the book. And the original animation… with Boris Karloff. That is the Grinch.
  7. I am not skilled at pretending to be all joyful and shit.
  8. Santa never brings me what I really want.

xo

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
This entry was posted in holidays, humor, list, writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to wonders of the holiday season.

  1. lolabipola says:
    15 December 2015 at 2:50 am

    that actually made me LOL inside my head… I couldn’t get it to come out my mouth, but I loved that post

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  2. gigglingfattie says:
    15 December 2015 at 4:21 am

    I agree with everything on that list!! Except #6: I love the original Grinch, and I think it surpasses the Jim Carrey one! But I still enjoy both! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. sassandsauce says:
    15 December 2015 at 4:21 am

    Haha. The Elf toys sure are creepy. In fact I think all semi-life like dolls have turned creepy over the years. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  5. itsathought2 says:
    15 December 2015 at 10:39 am

    The original Grinch is the only Grinch. I cannot understand why they made that movie. It is perfect and as Dr. Suess intended in animation.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  6. stephieann8 says:
    15 December 2015 at 11:55 am

    Holy hell this was great! I agree with every dam thing! Preach on!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  7. Julie Holmes, author says:
    15 December 2015 at 1:35 pm

    So spot on! I second the last four. I third the last four!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  8. Jonathan says:
    15 December 2015 at 3:35 pm

    Hollywood isn’t happy until it’s packaged something, and sold it, and destroyed it, and discarded it, so they can package it again, and sell it again, and destroy it again, and discard it again, and…

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  9. wwwpalfitness says:
    15 December 2015 at 3:56 pm

    Reblogged this on wwwpalfitness.

    Like

    Reply
  10. Wandering Soul says:
    16 December 2015 at 3:57 am

    I will grab the snow shovel I keep in the back and smash the fuck out of your windshield with it.

    oh dear Lord, as much as i want to.. i just can’t imagine you doing that 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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