My choice of song today is a bit misleading. It’s about peace and finding it with the help of those around you. It’s about never having to hide your true self and being loved anyway.
Despite anything and everything I’ve ever posted here, I still feel like I have to hide huge pieces of me. How often I feel alone and hopeless is a secret I keep inside me always. That’s a scary thought considering how often I do open up about it. Yeah… that’s one of my secrets. I almost always feel that way… I’m just better at hiding it some days.
You can find someone around you
To bring you out of the cold
But you don’t ever have to hide
What you really feel inside
I don’t have ‘someone around me‘ to ‘bring me out of the cold‘… not literally around me. I have a couple of long-distance (very long-distance) friends who astound me with how much they care and how much of me they’re able to tolerate. I mean that… I can’t even tolerate myself… I don’t know how anyone does it. I keep waiting for them to realize I’m not worth it.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell
What we’re really living for
I don’t mean to be deceptive… but I love the song. I love the sound. And the message is lovely and all, but I struggle to truly believe in it. Peace? I’m not sure I’ll ever have it.
Two High | Moon Taxi
When you feel the world around you
Spinnin’ out of control
You can find someone around you
To bring you out of the cold
But you don’t ever have to hide
What you really feel inside
So put ’em up
Two high
We can walk together with our hands up in the sky
So put ’em up
Tonight
We can come together
We won’t give up on the fight
Woah-ooh
So put ’em up
Put ’em up
Two high
Sometimes it’s hard to tell
What we’re really living for
Hear the voices calling out from the streets
Singin’ get ready
Get ready for more
Singin’ get ready
Get ready for more now
So put ’em up
Two high
We can walk together with our hands up in the sky
So put ’em up
Tonight
We can come together
We won’t give up on the fight
Woah-ooh
So put ’em up
Put ’em up
Two high
Before we’re gone
Keep holding on
Put ’em up
Two high
[Lyrics slightly edited for repeating parts/length.]
what sandra thinks 
Wow, I love this song Sandra! It’s so inspiring and hopeful and just tells you how everything will be okay. It was a great song to here first thing the morning! Thanks for sharing I’m adding it to my music 🙂
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I’m so glad you like it!
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Great pick today. I hate that you feel hopeless. That’s a terrible feeling, and one that a lot of us are familiar with, if only st one time or another. I feel for you. And I certainly wish I knew of some way to change that mindset in you. You’re talented, funny, great sense of humor, great kids, etc. I wish you could embrace what you do have rather than dwelling on what you don’t, and mistakes of the past. I know I can’t fix it, for you or anyone else, even though every fiber of being wants to. Just know you’ve got an empathetic ear…and maybe a laugh or two…oh, and lots and lots of cliches, right here. Hugs to you, my dear.
Oh, and don’t ever apologize for what you think is “intolérable”. This is your site, not anybody else’s. I’m of the opinion that you should do and say and write whatever YOU choose to. If “they” don’t like it, too fucking bad.
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I can’t even explain how I’ve been feeling lately. It’s been going on for about a month. It’s that empty, bored thing where I can’t figure out how to do things. I have things to do… I just don’t care about any of them and just physically cannot get myself to do them. It’s like nothing matters. Like I can’t find any meaning. I don’t even think I’m explaining this right. Like I said, I don’t know how to explain it… but I feel it all the time. It only subsides a little when I’m not alone. But even then… I still feel it.
I know there’s no easy or quick fix. Even when I think of something that might help, I still can’t do it… even if I KNOW the result will make me feel better. It’s messed up.
My fear (or one of them, anyway) is that I am taking advantage of those friends (however distant) who are willing to listen… to put up with me… and that eventually, they will have had enough. They will just think that I don’t want to do anything to make myself better. But that’s not the case. I literally can’t. And yeah, can’t really IS a thing… if you have the issues I have.
And I have so few people to talk to… so few who are there for me… that I’m scared as hell to lose any of them. So… yeah… I find myself holding back… especially when I feel the worst which, ironically, is when I need someone the most.
That was a long comment. Sorry…
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I know the feeling you’re talking about, though not necessarily it being that persistent. I’ve had that in phases for as long as I can recall. When I’ve felt like that, I have energy, and attempt to do things, and I do manage to get up for work of course, but I can’t focus. I’m so scattered, and I think I was always just trying to blindly find my reason to. To finish, to really focus on one thing through to fruition. I refer to it as restless leg syndrome of the soul. Nothing satisfies. It’s a large reason I never stayed one place for long. The life I lead now is stable and settled, but it took me years before I fully, truly, accepted that I was truly satisfied. Happy. Home. But I still default to the urge to fly every now and then, if only in my mind. Ours are different manifestations, but of a similar battle within. If nothing else, I know what it’s like to feel like everything, including myself, is kinda pointless.
Anyway, as for the last paragraph, you said a mouthful. You have people here that will talk to you, talk you out of your tree, empathize with you, and make you laugh. Use us for that. I hope I speak for many of us when I say: we don’t mind. 😊
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I do manage to do whatever I need to do for the kids… and get myself to appointments and stuff like that. But anything that I don’t absolutely have to do… I get stuck and just can’t do it. I just feel bored… lonely… pointless. And even with plenty of things to do… I just can’t take any action. When I’m alone, I find myself waiting for time to pass until I’m not alone anymore. Maybe I just don’t like myself to such an extent that I can’t bear to be alone with me. I don’t know…
I think I’ll always be afraid to drive people away. I don’t even know how many people I’ve lost in my life because they didn’t want to “deal with me” anymore. I’ve come to expect that to happen with everyone…
But thank you… for understanding or trying to when you don’t… and for listening, talking to me, and not just saying fuck this and disappearing. 🙂
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I do try to understand, at least to the level possible. But, I don’t think anyone truly understands what goes on in someone else’s head. Just know you e got a friend here, and one that isn’t going anywhere. You know where to find me, any time. You’re not alone. 😊
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Thank you 🙂
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You’re more than welcome. Believe it or not, I actually enjoy having you around. Shocking, I know. 😃😃
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It is shocking to me! 🙂
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Well, it shouldn’t be. You’re pretty cool, ya’ know? 😎
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😏
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Don’t smirk at me with tone of voice! 😃
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Haha 🙂
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😉
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What an awesome song! Thanks for the introduction. I bet your friends would laugh and tell you you’re always worth it. Sing loud, sing proud 😀
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I’m so glad you like the song! I think the band should pay me a small fee. Haha! And thank you… 🙂
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