Why do people lie?
I can accept that people may answer a question dishonestly sometimes for whatever reason. I can usually get past that. But I’m talking about something else. I’m talking about lies that came from nothing. No questions asked, just volunteered words and thoughts that were lies.
Do people set out to hurt others? Is that their intent? Is that their goal?
The worst lies are the ones that hit you where it hurts most—especially when you’ve confided in someone and basically given them a road map to your pain. For that person to then use that to hurt you… just… why? Is that fun for them? What kind of person finds your weaknesses and your deepest pain and uses them to hurt you? What kind of person offers you exactly what you need, and then rips it away from you? Why offer in the first place? Why build me up just to tear me down?
I don’t understand.
How can someone say something so kind, so giving, so supportive, and then act the complete opposite? How can someone offer support and kindness only to take it away? Why would someone voluntarily promise they would be there for me (even if I didn’t ask), and then disappear?
Why?
Was it something I said? Something I did? Of course I blame myself. It’s what I do. I blame myself for everything. I must have done something wrong. I must be the reason.
But this time, I’m confused. And I’m angry. And I’m hurt.
• • • • •
My boys.
p.s. — To Whom It May Concern: I’ve already got a broken heart. There’s no need to stomp on what’s left of it.
p.p.s. — And here I sit, trying to tune out everyone in my house because while I am desperate to talk to someone right now, “someone” isn’t anyone who lives here. “Someone” doesn’t exist because the “someone” I’m looking for is available to me 24/7, whenever I need him/her. How dare I wish for something so impossible?
©2021 what sandra thinks
what sandra thinks 
I don’t think any of us really understand lies or the need for them to some people. But sometimes what we perceive as lie may not be. If a person offers to be there for you but then disappears it may be that they are suffering what made them so understanding in the first place. We all have our own Achilles heel that may just catch us out unexpectedly and take us offline. In fact, since I first answered your post I have pulled back from life and stopped doing my blog, even blocking comments from great friends and family. Don’t take someone else’s absence so personally as it may not be intentional. Just accept help from someone else who has reached out to you. I hope the friend who originally reached out reappears for you and does what was offered and that you find your life getting easier.
Huge Hugs
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Thank you. What really got to me was the literal promise to be there for me and not disappear on me. I could look up the exact words, but it doesn’t really matter, I suppose. All I know is that I made a friend, and without me asking, he offered me an ear, told me he looked forward to talking to me, said I could never push him away… and then… he was gone. I was offered exactly what I needed, and then it was taken away. Why bother offering?
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Dang. Not sure what’s up, but will a virtual hug help? 🫂
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Always.
I guess I just have a hard time when someone does exactly what they literally promised they wouldn’t do… disappear.
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People suck, I’ve found. 😕
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And you would be right about that. Except for us, of course. We don’t suck. Well, maybe I do.
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Of course we don’t! It’s definitely the rest of the world, not us. 😛
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🙂
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I also don’t understand the need to lie. I much prefer when people are honest. Even if its brutal and might hurt my feelings.
Hugs to you!
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I get that maybe the lies weren’t planned, but to literally promise to be there for me, to promise that I would never push him away, to say he looked forward to talking to me — and then vanish? I waited a few days. I asked if he was okay. Still nothing. But I accidentally saw him online, so I know he’s okay…
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Awww I’m sorry!! Those are the worst type of lies 😥 I’m sorry!!
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Not your fault. I’m just really hurt and confused. And I refuse to keep trying to contact him since he clearly doesn’t want anything to do with me.
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Thats sometimes the hardest part – to just accept it and move on 😥
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It really is. Especially when I feel so alone.
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Yeahhh 😥😥😥
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I’m so sorry. It can suck sometimes trying to have meaningful trust-based relationships with those you meet online.
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I just never asked for anything from him. He offered. He literally said I’d never push him away. He said he loved talking to me. He said he looked forward to my emails and was proud of me. And then he vanished.
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Sounds highly narcissistic… But let’s hope that maybe he did just overextend himself emotionally. Not likely but eh, what can ya do. 😦
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I’m probably just really selfish… because what upsets me most is that I could really use him right now. During our short friendship, he really did make me feel better.
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No, you are not selfish for wanting to meet a need for yourself. If we assume he’s a narcissist, then it’s simple: he played the game, textbook. Not to be condescending in any way, but… it starts by looking for a “damsel in distress” to save. Make her dependent on what you provide then poof. But not entirely poof, just a far enough away poof to make her question reality and assume responsibility.
I do hope for your sake that this all is not the case.
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It really doesn’t seem like he planned this from the start. It’s just the way he “talked” to me. I don’t know how to explain it. There’s no way someone could pretend to be that kind and genuine. No freaking way. Or I’m an idiot. But really, there’s no way he’s that good of an actor.
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Ugh. I don’t know who hurt you or why they’d do it, but it doesn’t lessen the string. I know it all too well myself. Unfortunately, we don’t always know the full nature of a person until you encounter a rough patch. As soon as the going gets bumpy, they either disappear or reject you altogether. I promise you —PROMISE— that this isn’t because of you. It’s them. 100%. You are not to blame.
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Thanks. I swear, if I showed you the emails, you would never have thought this person would abandon me. No one is that good an actor. It’s hard, though, not to think it’s me because I am so desperate for help and for someone to talk to that maybe I was overwhelming. But it was gradual… my opening up. His departure, however, was sudden.
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I’m so sorry that happened.
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I don’t know… but it’s crap I know.
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This is the story of my life I feel like lol… I have issues with people leaving, I don’t like to use the word “abandonment…” and I’m always honest about it with people I get close to. I know nothing lasts forever but it would be nice to know when things are changing or to be let known when it’s over completely instead of just getting ghosted. I’m sorry this happened to you. 💚
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Thanks. ♥ And I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with similar situations.
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People lie cause they can simple … some people choose not too those are the ones you have to find… I’ve been in the same situation still am I’ve confided in people who didn’t actually care just away to try and get close …. some times it’s good to learn about the lies makes you open your eyes…. I’ve developed a thing of yes they’ve lied and now it’s made me question myself but I’ve also come to terms with its another lesson learned it’s worst when it happens with people you put you trust into though …. respect their wishes if they don’t want to talk it’s there loss they’ve lost a great person … life has some shit lessons but can’t think negative or it’s just destroys you more bit by bit focus on the good in life the things that make you smile the things you like to do and music helps a shit tone I call it music therapy helps me songs for every emotion good or bad…. sorry your post actually got me to since I can relate to most if not all honestly though do things to stay positive even on bad days cry if you need to laugh when you can and don’t waste time on people who don’t bother with you your worth more than that
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Thanks. It’s good to hear from people who understand. I know it’s his loss, but it still sucks. I’m working on finding ways to feel better alone, but I liked having this friend.
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I have couple of friends I talk to but I can’t fully say what’s on my mind it’s hard to find people who understand how hard it is everyday I try to stay positive but negative shit pops up alot music and walking helps me alot if things get too much . I’m sorry he basically turned out to be an asshat. You will get there in time being alone isn’t that bad most of the time just take it day by day and don’t bottle your emotions if you can makes it worse
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It’s all been said already so I’ll join Beach in sending virtual hugs to you. Just don’t let this person’s callous behaviour get to you any more, he is just not worth getting upset over. 😻😻
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Thanks.
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It really feels very ”betrayed ” when someone lies . I don’t really know what their intention is ? You have penned down those emotions and feelings so well Sandra . May your soul be filled with positivity once again ))
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