My favorite guilty pleasures.
After you read this post, delete it. Hell, burn it. No one can know. I can’t even believe I’m telling you. Maybe I will set this post to self-destruct in 24 hours.

Let’s start out slow—only mildly shameful—and go from there.

I eat No-Bake Oatmeal Cookie Dough and you can, too!
This recipe supposedly serves four normal people. In reality, it serves one non-normal cookie dough enthusiast… such as myself.

¼ cup butter, softened
¼ cup white sugar
¼ cup brown sugar
2 tbsp milk
1 tsp vanilla
½ cup white flour
¾ cup of rolled oats

1. Pasteurize flour by microwaving on high for 1 minute 15 seconds, stirring at 15 second intervals. Note: Add a little extra flour and re-measure once finished microwaving.
2. Cream butter and sugars together.
3. Add milk and vanilla to creamed mixture; combine well.
4. Add flour in two parts; combine until smooth.
5. Add oats in three parts; mix until well integrated.
   [I like it even better after it’s been chilled… but sometimes I’m not that patient.]

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I made only half the recipe or if I shared. But… while I have occasionally made only a half recipe, I usually make the whole thing, and I have never shared. I won’t even make it unless I’m home alone.

[Oh, how I craved it during quarantine when I was never home alone. A whole fucking year! There is only one other thing I missed as much as this during the year from hell. And I’m not getting into that here even though it could be considered a guilty pleasure, too. Or just a pleasure.]

If I don’t eat all the cookie dough in one sitting, it means either a miracle or the apocalypse has occurred. Seriously, though, if I have leftover, I hide it until I’m alone again. I even hide the recipe! This is the very definition of a guilty pleasure—it’s definitely a pleasure to eat it, but damn, do I ever feel guilty [and sometimes a bit nauseated] after I’m done.

•  •  •  •  •

I play Bye Bye Bye by *NSYNC and dance to it [with the original choreography… but I am not good at it… and I’m not a kid anymore]. This is something I also, of course, hide, but my daughter caught me once. But she can suck it because she listens to One Direction.

•  •  •  •  •

I read stories on the Episode app. It is so embarrassing.

•  •  •  •  •

I watch Tangled weirdly often. I’ve seen it over 100 times [lost count a long time ago]. And I cry every single time. I even have a crush on Flynn Rider. So what if he’s fictional and animated? That’s not weird, right?

•  •  •  •  •

I watch Hallmark movies. I’ve cut down a lot. Even I have limits. Who knew?

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This last guilty pleasure is the one I’ve indulged in the most lately. It’s big. Well, it’s big for me to admit it. *anxious sigh*

I love Shawn Mendes.

There. I said it. There’s just something about him that I can’t explain since I don’t fully understand it myself. I listen to [some but not all of] his music, and I love that I can hear his smile in his voice when he sings. I also have an inappropriate crush on the young man. Emphasis on the young part. I am definitely too old for him. But he doesn’t need to know. And really, neither do you, so forget I ever said this.

•  •  •  •  •

It’s not that I think there’s anything wrong with any of this [well, the cookie dough thing is not exactly good for my health], but it all could be a bit shocking and image-shattering to many who know me.

Please don’t think less of me. I’m only human.

p.s. — I do not understand people who say ‘Reality TV’ is their guilty pleasure. Reality TV is not any kind of pleasure. It’s every kind of hell.

         
©2021 what sandra thinks