31 questions | march 14.

March 14
How do you reign in self-critical voices?

I don’t.

Those voices are a problem for me. I don’t like much about myself, and I have a constant playlist of negativity on repeat.

Here’s the thing, though: I don’t want to lose those voices completely. They are often the source of my sarcasm [see March 6] and creativity, and those are among my few redeeming qualities. I don’t want to lose them. So while I should be trying to ‘get better‘ (meaning be less self-critical), I hesitate because I think I need those voices to maintain my sarcasm and creativity.

It’s like a musician/songwriter/poet (or any artist of any kind) who needs sadness to be inspired. If they cheer up, their creativity dies. Look at Morrissey, for example. I seem to use him as an example a lot. I’m pretty sure he never set out to be a role model.

Of course, maybe that last paragraph is only one side of the truth because I’ve found that when I’m on a high (a natural one), my creativity spikes. I’m rarely on a high, though. Maybe I need to go for a less natural high.

p.s. — So… I’m at my creative best when I’m very low or very high. I’m ‘mildly’ bipolar so highs and lows with no middle is my natural state. Yet, medically speaking, the goal is to even out my moods. But then I lose any semblance of creativity. WTF? What’s a girl to do? 

[Thanks to my lovely friend Marquessa for this 31 questions challenge.]

©2021 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, sometimes blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Italy, but she would settle for a non-oceanfront home in Italy. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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10 Responses to 31 questions | march 14.

  1. Ogden Fahey says:

    Maybe you acquired this ability of self criticism during your art training? Its very peculiar, I do a lot of art or else I get very frustrated with everything, I wonder if its similar to you in a way? I was really more messed up before I took art, so I’m just wondering if the creative needs that to avoid the pitfalls? Life is kind of shit for a lot of people when you look at it a certain way, and just less shit when you don’t – I don’t know if it ever gets so “not shit” as to be ecstatically happy, all the time, but it would be nice to think so 🙂 xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m not sure what to think. I haven’t been inspired to create anything for a long time. Would I feel better if I could? Maybe. But I’ve had the self-critical screaming in my head for a very very long time. Like, since I was a teenager. I don’t know what would help. 🙁

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ogden Fahey says:

        Well it can be quite surprising when you have to drag your arse into doing something creative, then actually find out its working for you – then it becomes a growing need you can’t hardly do without – humans need to be creative in some way or other, and a lot of us dont get the opportunities some others do, so its frustrating, but always better to be trying than giving in – that way lies madness! As they say 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. A girl should carry on as she is, and that includes producing great posts such as this one!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. jrvincente says:

    We need to find a way to get the highs and the middles without the lows! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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