she’s alive.

Dear Anyone Who Still Reads My Blog,

Hello. I thought I’d let you know that I’m still alive. Due to unfortunate circumstances, I haven’t been around. But I think of my friends here often, and I miss this place. I think it filled a void in my life that needed filling.

It’s not that I’ve found a solid replacement for this. I haven’t. And I do need something more. But I haven’t found it. I want it to be writing but wanting it isn’t enough. I need to be able to do it, and I haven’t been able to for a very long time. I mean, I have written little bits here and there… ideas, notes, even little scenes that I’d love to make into full stories. But I just can’t make it happen.

I think it just wasn’t meant to be. And that whole ridiculous thing… ‘if you want something bad enough, you can make it happen’… is crap. I can’t make my creativity wake up. If I force it, everything I write is crap. There truly are things beyond our control.

So here I am, wondering why this place—where I once found a bit of a home—doesn’t feel the same. It’s not you, it’s me. Stop laughing! It’s true!

Anyway, I’m alive. I’m okay. And just in case I’m not around much [or, you know, at all], I hope you have lovely holidays.

p.s. — I always feel that this is obnoxious, but I never promote my shop… so… this is me doing that. I have lots of stuff available on RedBubble that would make lovely gifts. Tees, journals, notebooks, bags, stickers, and even more stuff. I also have a ton of different holiday cards for sale. Maybe you’d like to have a look. Much love… and thanks.

         

©2019 what sandra thinks

About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
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27 Responses to she’s alive.

  1. Ogden Fahey says:

    You just have to see trying and trying babe, it’ll come, you have to find your voice! Its like a different language, or an alter ego, very satisfying once you get the hang of it I’m sure – in a weirdly not very good way, you have to accept it and do what you can do, rather than eat you set out to do, and build on it, or knock it down, and rebuild it, or some old shite like that! XX 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. SandyLand says:

    I love your blog. I am thankful for even this little update. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s so good to see you back, if only for a wee while.
    Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours Sandra.
    Love and hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great to hear from you!! Glad you’re ok

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Man….I sure do miss you being around. Oh, and, “It’s not you, it’s me.”? Where have I heard that before? 😏

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am touched. No, really. That sounds sarcastic, but it’s not. I know you know that I don’t have a lot of support or friendship in my offline life, so knowing you even notice me means a lot. It’s lonely out here… so it makes no sense that I can’t just be here more. Something stops me… I have no idea what it is, but it’s been plaguing me for months. I miss it… and everyone… yet I can’t seem to find my way back.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Hello Sandra. Is there an attendance book here? I hope not. I think that we all come and go as we please. I hope so.

    My advise about writing counts for nothing – but here it is anyway ….
    Write about stuff you think is important and that you believe should be important to other people. When you edit, focus on getting rid of all the stuff that is not you but is, instead, some imitation of you just trying to be clever with words.
    Write ‘what Sandra thinks’, in other words …. and not ‘what Sandra thinks other people want Sandra to think.’
    Sometimes it’s better to write less than it is to write more.

    What wonderful news it is, of course, to learn that you are still alive. I checked my own pulse only this morning and can confirm that my heart still beats. I don’t have any equipment sufficiently sensitive to register significant brain wave activity, however.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I value your advice and your thoughts. I love the way you write… even in a comment such as this one.

      I think you have a point — I often concern myself with what I should write over what my head (and heart?) want to write. I think I live in constant fear of being judged… or even just disliked… though I don’t know why I care.

      I even hate that it took me five days to respond to this comment. Interesting that I fear being judged, yet the one who judges me most (and most harshly) is me.

      Like

  7. Michelle says:

    If your interests are changing, that is okay

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Meg says:

    Hi Sandra! It’s good to see you. And I do miss seeing you here. I haven’t been as active here myself, though… Anyway, I hope you get the creative impulse back and can start writing again! Sending love! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Meg. ♥ I have been struggling to write for so long that I don’t think it’s ever going to come back. I used search for ideas when I could write… now I have ideas but I can’t seem to write. I wonder if timing will ever be on my side…

      Like

  9. Marquessa says:

    I’m still here. You are one of the handful of notifications I get.🤗 Do what you feel works for you, only for you and with no regrets. We’re here for you. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks… ♥ I miss being here… yet I can’t seem to be here. There are so many contradictions in my head that I get stuck. I’m pulling myself in too many directions. It’s so difficult to head down any path, good or bad, right or wrong. Hm. I like that analogy. And now I’m thinking of how I could expand on that. But if the past few months are any indication, I won’t be able to write anyway!

      Like

  10. Hi, honey, Think about you often, miss you lots! Hope you’ll post again soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. mydangblog says:

    I’ve been stuck on Chapter 5 of my new novel for about 6 months. I feel guilty for not working on it but I just don’t seem to have the energy to do anything about it. I’m hoping if I can relax my mind a little over the holidays that something will pop out! Glad to see you here anyway though:-)

    Like

  12. jrvincente says:

    I’ve been MIA myself. I’m glad to hear you’re still alive, and sorry to hear that your creativity has abandoned you. I hope your muse finds you soon, and have a happy holiday. ❤

    Like

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