No way in hell was I going to write about zebras. Zero was a far better choice for me… because, you see, I feel like a total zero.
I have zero motivation.
I have zero [offline] friends.
I have zero romance in my life.
I have zero cash in my wallet.
I have zero relief from my back pain.
I have zero will-power around left over Easter chocolate.
I have zero ability to write fiction or poetry.
I have zero confidence.
And I have zero hope that anything is going to change.
p.s.— I’m sorry I ended this challenge on such a downer. I’m overwhelmed by a terrible feeling inside me that I can’t tame. I think it’s slowly killing me. Kind of like having your heart carved out of your chest with a spoon.
©2019 what sandra thinks
what sandra thinks 
If it should ever lift yourself… I failed the A to Z Challenge, and you didn’t. 🙂 xx
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You’re so sweet. I’m surprised I made it. I fell behind a few times, but I didn’t want my skip any letters. I wonder what this means for me posting going forward because before this, I wasn’t around much…
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I think you just proved to yourself that you still have it in you 🙂 And I am glad to see that! xx
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I hope you’re right. 🙂
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My life is counting backwards
It started with a ten
It may have got to twenty
Though I can’t recall just when
But I’ve been using up my points
Every day since then
I’m aiming for a zero
So I can start again
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You’ve turned it all around for me. You’re a genius. (And I am not being sarcastic. I mean it.)
Does this mean I’m at ‘start again’? Maybe. But I can’t seem to find the restart button.
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I can barely spell genius … so put that idea out of your mind.
All of us are always at ‘start again’ should we have the inclination or courage to push that button. But sometimes it’s better just to nudge it a bit.
It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.
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You think? I admit that it sounds very appealing right now to move back in with Mom so she can take care of me as if I were 5 years old.
I don’t really want to push the restart button. Maybe I’m scared, unmotivated, or just plain lazy. Probably that last one, mostly.
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Yes. Unfortunately my Mum’s last few years meant that I had to look after her as though she were a 5 year old.
Don’t push that button … it hasn’t been fully tested yet.
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Or perhaps these sage words from Spike Milligan (with whom I can boast to have spent a few amusing hours with on several occasions) may be better to cheer you up …..
They are on (sort of) the same subject …
I’m walking backwards for Christmas,
Across the Irish Sea,
I’m walking backwards for Christmas,
It’s the only thing for me.
I’ve tried walking sideways,
And walking to the front,
But people just look at me,
And say it’s a publicity stunt.
I’m walking backwards for Christmas,
To prove that I love you.
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What I’m taking from this may not be what the author intended, but thank you for sharing it with me.
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Zero means that nothing is present. You are definitely there so you cannot be a total zero.
Well done on the A to Z and I look forward to your next post whenever it is.
Hugs. x
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Thanks for reading my alphabet posts. It’s funny… they act like writing prompts and I did this, but when I look at the usual writing prompts, they don’t help me at all!
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Probably because they restrict you too much, whereas a single letter allows your mind to wander where it will!
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That makes sense.
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Try writing “an ode to……” and pick a random object. See where your imagination takes you and jot it down. Post it if you want to, or just save it for later, to maybe go back to. Try something obscure like “an ode to an eyebrow.” xx
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Congrats on finishing the challenge. It speaks to how strong you are but don’t realize it. 💪🏾 You are definitely not a zero. We are here for you. Always. 💜
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Thank you. ♥ I never feel strong. I’m always surprised when anyone uses that word to describe me.
I wanted to tell you that I want to read your entire alphabet but I have been a bit of a mess. It’s taken a lot for me to do this challenge so I really slacked off on reading.
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You made it to the end of the challenge!!! Yay!!! Congratulations! That’s something that doesn’t make you a zero – it’s hard to get to the end of it! I hope that accomplishment helps you to feel like less of a zero in the other departments that you feel you are lacking.
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Thanks. 🙂 I’m glad I finished. Congratulations to you, too. I’ve had such a hard time writing lately that I spent the month trying to do the challenge so I didn’t read much. I have a few blogs on my list to go back and read the whole month. Hopefully I can catch up!
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I am just glad you were able to get the month done. I know you didn’t think you could but just a little bit each day did it! Woohoo!
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🙂
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You are not a zero! You did A to Z, you made a delicious dinner last night, you have a great sense of humor. And you have lots of friends here!
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Thanks… ♥ I wish my head would repeat the good things to me instead of the bad. Any effort I’ve made to change that hasn’t gotten me anywhere. I know it takes time… lots of time… but it’s hard to bother with anything when you see no benefit from it at all.
Anyway, thank you for saying those lovely things. It’s pathetic, but I need to be reminded or I fall into a very dark place.
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Well done on completing AtoZ. Thats not a zero that’s 26/26. 🙂
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Thank you! My perspective always turns to the negative. It’s a curse!
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Oh, I feel for you! I’ve had many days lately when I feel as though my heart has broken or been ripped from my body. It’s like a literal blow and its an awful feeling. Other days I feel empty and then sometimes I feel normal. I’ve been crazy busy getting the house ready to sell which has exhausted me but also kept me too busy to feel the sadness. I hope you find some balance in your life. Sending hugs!
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Being busy does help. I have trouble ‘forcing’ myself to be busy, though. It’s like I have to have something that I must do for it to work. If it’s just me looking for things to do to distract myself, it never works. I find that the only way I’m able to avoid the bad feelings entirely is to be asleep. It’s so unhealthy. I am not, of course, in the same situation as you, but I understand what you mean when you say you feel empty. I don’t think I have what I need in my life, and I don’t know where to get it. Big hugs to you, too. ♥
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Here’s hoping we can both move forward and figure things out!
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I hope so.
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Hey Sandra! Remember me from way back when? So glad you’re still blogging!!
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I do remember you! Nice to hear from you. I’m still here, but not as often as I used to be!
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I’m really starting to worry about you. I know you said you’re not very religious, but here’s a link to an article that you may find interesting. It provides guidance on how to be happier even though you can’t change your circumstances. https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&docid=102016002&srcid=share
I’m going to keep you in my prayers.
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In all honesty, I worry about myself.
I understand how changing my attitude and thinking positively could make me feel better. But *knowing* that I should do that and *being able* to do it are very different. I’ve tried for years… with and without help from others, both professional and not… but I have never been able to do it… to change my way of thinking. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel like it’s hopeless. I’m just not strong enough to fix myself.
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And, you’re not a zero! You have so much more value than you think.
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It doesn’t feel like it. It seems that every day just brings more bad news… more problems… more sadness. When will something good happen? Will it ever?
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We all have a list of zeroes, Sandra but I know you have another one filled with a list of the opposite. 🙂
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I’ve tried to make that opposite list but I can never seem to do it. I wish my brain would just look on the bright side!
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