It’s time [well, it’s past time… I’m late… there’s a shocker] for me to reveal my theme for a challenge I’ve completed every April since 2016. The A to Z Challenge. I have huge reservations about participating this year… but I signed up anyway.
I still can’t figure out why I’ve had so much trouble being here lately. I want to ‘talk‘ to you all but I struggle to ‘enter the room‘, so to speak. I think I’m kind of embarrassed and ashamed that I’m such a mess. I’ve been working on myself for so long yet here we are. I’m a failure.
But… I will attempt to do this challenge… which, hopefully, won’t be another failure. But if it is, I deserve it this time since I’m setting myself up.
I was just thinking…
This is no surprise if you read my post from last week. It’s kind of a non-theme. Unless you consider me dumping my thoughts a theme.
My original plan was to have short posts… a sentence or two. But I am not holding myself to that. Some posts may be longer. Some may be something other than words. Some may be something I haven’t thought of yet. I guess you’ll have to wait and see. As will I.
p.s.— For the record, I hate the tone of this whole post but I’ve rewritten it at least five times and I give up!
©2019 what sandra thinks
what sandra thinks 
I await with bated breath, a little trepidation, lots of anticipation, and a whole truckload of well wishes that you will succeed, enjoy, and come to see us with some great surprises. Hugs.
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I hope I can deliver something that doesn’t disappoint…
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Hey, I’m just happy you’ll be around! What’d you mean by the tone of the post? Not rainbow and butterflyie enough? I got your back. 😏
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The tone of the post… like, I sound desperate, hopeless, and pathetic. I tried so many times to change that tone, but it didn’t work. I hate the way I sound… the way I feel. If you have any thoughts on how to change this, feel free to let me know. What I need is a free therapist. One who really ‘gets’ me. That’s not going to happen.
And I rambled on again. Sorry. Please keep your rainbows and butterflies to a reasonable level. Thanks. 🙂
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You know better than that. 😏
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I don’t know… The dark clouds seem to be winning… 🙁
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You’re not a failure! I think you may be suffering from blogging burn out. It happens. Damn, it happened to me for nearly four months. But, then again, my depression took full reign over me.
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I’ve been barely blogging for months… I don’t even know how many it’s been. I’ve hardly been writing at all. I’ve not been doing much of anything… speaking of depression…
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I understand. When the depression is all too consuming, you have no desire to do anything at all.
When I stopped blogging for that 4 month stint because of it, It was so difficult to start back up. But, I gave it a shot, and truly… It did help me quite a bit with my own depression.
When’s the last time you saw your doctor? How long between having medications tweaked?
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Saw my NP last week. And we discussed everything… and you know, medication can’t fix everything. It helps… but it doesn’t change the life situation I’m in right now. Until that changes, there’s only so much meds can do.
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YASSS! 🙂
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Oh, don’t get too excited… 🙂
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Wooooo!!! I can’t wait to see what you have the motivation and energy to write! One day at a time!
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Don’t get your hopes up! I’m not feeling so great about this. I think maybe I’m not meant to be out in the real world. I’m not sure where I’m meant to be…
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I’ll keep my hopes to medium then lol but I think it’s a great idea to even just try. I’m not sure how I’m going to do this year either. I feel like it’s going to be too much. We can struggle together.
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Hi Sandra. Nice to see your posts. I’m in and out of blogging myself. It makes me a bit sad, but I’m going through some changes myself (not bad ones) spots been hard to balance. Either way I’m happy to see your posts. You are not a failure. You are amazing. Each time you think you’ve ‘failed’ you always come back and good on you for doing A to Z. I think as a writer you are wonderfully talented. Have always been. I’m attempting NaPoWriMo but as most of my last couple poetry months I anticipate that one month taking two months. Looking forward to reading your posts.
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Thanks, Mandi. I don’t expect that I’ll have any phenomenal posts during the challenge, but maybe it will get me out of the hole I’ve dug myself into. It makes me sad, though, because in previous years, I was more excited about this challenge and I was proud of my posts. This time, I feel like it’ll just be a disappointment.
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I think they’ll be good Sandra. Your posts always are. Sometimes what we don’t expect to be good, is actually quite wonderful, when we look back later. Stay well 🙂
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Just happy you’re doing it! No matter what you post, we will be here to cheer you on Darlin! XO
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Thanks, love. Glad to see you here. ♥xo
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I’m glad you’re doing it too. Maybe having a challenge to post will help you get back in the groove of blogging. And it will be good to have you back! I’m looking forward to your ‘thinking’ because I miss your sarcastic humor. welcome back girlfriend. ❤️
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Thanks. ♥ I feel out of touch with everyone but I honestly didn’t (and kind of still don’t) think I was any fun to be around. I guess I thought, in a way, that I was giving everyone a break from me because I am a bit much…
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You don’t always have to be fun to be around. We’re your friends and we care about you, no matter your state of mind. I’m sorry I didn’t get in touch with you, but things in my life are absolutely insane right now!
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Oh, it’s okay! I understand. It’s almost like I punish myself… like I think I don’t deserve the things I want… like friends… so I isolate myself.
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Oh honey, you deserve friends more than anything!
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♥
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I’m so glad you signed up!
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Thanks. But no fun story like last year… 🙁 I don’t think it will be as good, but I’m trying to get back to writing… writing *anything*!
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I love this theme, Sandra. So looking forward to April to see what you come up with. 🙂 I also love your new signature!
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Thank you so much. I always love to hear from you. I’m hoping April goes well!
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I know it will. 🙂 I think the challenge will really help get you back into the groove of writing! I love hearing from you, too!!
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We are ready 😊
And honestly, the tone is perfect. Makes me feel like we know each other and I don’t think there’s anything better than that
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Really? I think because I have been feeling so useless lately, my writing shows that a bit too much. But if it makes you feel like we know each other, that’s a good thing! I definitely need friends.
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